Relationships Matter Live

The Art of Balancing Needs and Wants in Relationships

• Chanel Scott and Josh Powell • Season 1 • Episode 3

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Join us, Chanel Scott and Josh Powell, for a revelatory exploration of relationships. Have you ever felt trapped in the tug-of-war between your wants and needs in relationships? Are you settling when you shouldn't? Navigating through such dilemmas, we dive into an in-depth discussion on the essence of open communication, loyalty, respect, and support in relationships. Our dialogue underscores the importance of knowing the difference between your wants and needs and prioritizing accordingly.

We further unfold the intrinsic role of personal beliefs and their influence on our relationships, using Josh's personal experiences as an example. We often grapple with the discord between societal expectations and individual experiences. Josh's story highlights this internal struggle, urging listeners to align with their personal truths and live a life guided by their beliefs. Moreover, we debunk societal stigmas around the single life, encouraging listeners to believe in their life choices and self-belief. 

Lastly, we listen to the heartbeat of desires and needs in relationships. Through personal experiences, we highlight companionship and honesty as crucial relationship elements. But beware of the pitfalls of impatience! Align your desires with God's plan for you. As we wrap up, we delve into the significance of purposeful relationships, emphasizing the impact of understanding our wants and needs on our well-being. Tune in, and let's embark on a journey of rediscovering the essence of relationships.

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Opposing experiences, a single woman and a married man, Chanel Scott, and Josh Powell, create a powerful and empathetic team, offering valuable insights and advice on navigating the complexities of romantic relationships and promoting healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Join Chanel and Josh as they unlock the secrets of successful relationships one conversation at a time.


Chanel Scott:

Welcome to Relationships Matter podcast. I am Chanel Scott.

Josh Powell:

And this is Josh Powell.

Chanel Scott:

Yes, yes, so during this episode, we're going to talk about the difference between what you need versus what you want. I'm talking about the difference between what you need and what you want.

Josh Powell:

So, in my opinion, right and again, I'm not saying that there's nothing wrong with people getting anything in life that they want Right. But when we talk about the things that we need, I equate that to growth, I equate that to longevity, I equate that to success. And in relationship, when I think about things that I need right, I need a partner who I can be open with. I need somebody that I can communicate freely with. I need somebody that's loyal. I need somebody that's respectful. I need somebody that's that holds themselves accountable. I need somebody that's going to challenge me. You know what I'm saying. I need somebody that's going to push me but, at the same time, that's going to be very supportive. I think sometimes we get to a point where we see something right. A young lady might see a man. He's extremely handsome, you know what I mean. He might seem like he has the attributes that are something that she's looking for, but he might be a poor communicator. Right.

Josh Powell:

But then she might let that slide, because the girls is like, girl, you go home to that here at night. So we have the wrong things in mind in regards to what's going to help us to be also our best selves. You know what I mean, and that requires having people that have our best interest. And sometimes the things that we want don't necessarily have our best interests, those people or those situations or circumstances.

Chanel Scott:

Like the gentleman. You see who's attractive and then when he opens his mouth you say I wish he'd never said a word.

Josh Powell:

Absolutely.

Chanel Scott:

Because there is a difference between chemistry and compatibility. Absolutely, you can see someone and you can be instantaneously attracted and you guys can have amazing chemistry. But when you get into it you find out that you don't have anything in common or there's no compatibility, and then there's always a breakdown of communication. When you end up with someone just based off of their external or their aesthetics, their physical aesthetics and how they look, and necessarily their character, their values and morals, you know things that actually matter.

Josh Powell:

Absolutely. And in regards to that, let me ask you the same question. You know what do you think about the concept, right? Yes, once versus needs Okay, when you look at it now, you know what I mean. You've had a lot of experience in this dating world and you know how do you feel about this question.

Chanel Scott:

Now, in terms of my desires and what I want, I do believe, like God gave us two eyes to see, and what may be attractive to me may not be attractive to someone else.

Chanel Scott:

So I do believe that when we are with the right person, there's just certain things that we don't have to settle on. You know, there are some things that we may have to compromise on and say, well, okay, you know, maybe this is not exactly the way I want it to be. But when you start talking about, like I've been asked on, six foot one, with no shoes on, so I'm about six foot four. So people say, well, chanel, would you date a man that's five six? No, I just I'm not comfortable, right so, and I want, and I don't need a man that's six foot taller, but I want that. And that's just one of those things I'm not going to settle on. You know, I'll just wait till I find someone who meet the height requirements and he has the right substance, character, you know, the right morals and values, but that's just one of those non negotiables.

Josh Powell:

So the beat to. And I also real quickly want to make sure I'm clear, like for one you. You addressed a very specific and much needed point in settling right. Nobody should settle. I do think that we can still get what we want. But if I had to pick, I would say to make sure that you get what you need over versus what you want.

Josh Powell:

Because when I look at let's go from a physical take, the explicit about the need, like the act, not for sure, because I feel like we got to look at it from different realms too, because a lot of times we might see some food or a dessert or something like that Right, that's a want versus a need, right, that's. That's an easy way to look at it when you're picking people that are a part of your life, like if I had a homeboy or something. You know I'm saying, somebody that I think is cool, or somebody that I'm building with Right Now. He might be successful, he could be, you know, walking on this journey. He can have a big house, he can have a notoriety, he can, you know, might be a cool dude, but in regards to how he can push me to be better, in regards to how could we spiritually connect, you know, is this somebody that has my well being? You know what I mean. Are they going to put me in a position or put me in a space where I got to make some decisions that are best for me? You know what I mean? Just things like that that I think that a lot of times we don't think about in relationship.

Josh Powell:

So, in regards to relationship, I'm not just speaking about your personal. This has to do with your family, your friends. This has to do with work. This has to do because everything that we do in life it also entails some form of relationship, right? So I'm in a space and I've been in this space for quite some time.

Josh Powell:

It just took me longer when I was younger versus now to separate and sort those things out. You know what I mean, and I want to make sure that I'm intentional. I want to make sure that I'm having people in my life that are serving the purpose and where I want to go. You might not get that from a want standpoint. You know what I'm saying, so I think that those things are important. When we look at principles, morals, values, when we look at how you connect, when we look at spiritually, when we look at mentally or emotionally, all of those things are what creates healthy relationships. It helps me to be a healthier person, because we all can fall short. That's why you got to have people in your corner that are in line and going in the same places that you want to go.

Chanel Scott:

I think this conversation goes in so many directions because, in terms of want versus need, like, I'm learning that there is a difference. Like, I want someone who values me. You know I need that. I want that because you can have someone who actually likes you, who's attracted to you, and they not value you. You can tell how they treat you, whether they value you or not. I'm just now learning this, at this age, that there is a difference.

Chanel Scott:

If people don't see you value and see how you can add value to their lives, you can see that as a reflection of how they engage you and kind of where that relationship is going to go, as opposed to me just saying, okay, yeah, I like them, but then when they say, well, no, that person has value to my life, that's something completely different.

Chanel Scott:

But then when you start talking about like versus need, in terms of settling, there have been times in my life that I have dated someone because I thought, wow, this is what I need, not what I want, but it's what I need. Because they treated me well. They did all the things that I would I desire a man to do in relationship, but I wasn't attracted to him, you know, and no matter how I tried to make myself get on board with it, there just was no connection. We were totally disconnected. So I hear a lot of people say you know you don't want the, what they say, the corny dude, or you don't want that. But no, if you, you are not attracted to that person, you cannot make yourself be with someone that you don't have that type of connection with.

Josh Powell:

Amen.

Chanel Scott:

So I want to talk about settling Right. So is it? You know? Like when we are faced with these types of decisions, where we meet someone and they say, well gosh, what's wrong with them? Like they seem like they got, they checked the box, they have, you know, everything that you would want in a man. But you're like you know what, but it's just not who I want to be with. I just like I mean, how is that? How do you view that? Like, if I were to try, is it considered settling or am I shallow because I don't want to? I don't want to say lower my standard, but is it considered shallow because I'm like, no, that's not what I want? Say, for instance, it is a successful man, he has everything that I would desire, all the characteristics that I desire in a man, but say he's five foot two.

Josh Powell:

We'll get to that when we come back.

Chanel Scott:

Welcome back to relationships matter, the podcast. I'm Chanel Scott and I was just having a conversation with Mr Josh Powell about how do you know when you're settling, versus if you're being shallow in that you're saying you know what. I don't want to talk to this person because of me. Like I was trying to make the example of the height different education.

Josh Powell:

So, from my point of like, when you think about settling, it's like when you're starting to change who you are right To please the other person, right? You're downing your expectations. You're downing or putting aside the things that you feel are important in order to either be in relationship or just to have the companionship of somebody else.

Chanel Scott:

What about the things I feel is important? Could just have something to do with his physical appearance.

Josh Powell:

I mean there's nothing wrong with that, but it can't just be that. So a lot of times we have very attractive people who are in relationship, but there's no substance in that surface level which is still settling. You know what I mean. When you take away looks, what do you have? When you take away sex, what do you have? If you were to take away the money or the fame or the status, then what do you have? Can you still see yourself being with this person If none of your girls approved? Would you still be with that person? If the homies was like ah, could you still be with that person?

Chanel Scott:

That's why it's so important to be god-led when you're making a decision about choosing a mate. Now, while we were on break because we're talking about need versus want, right and you was giving us an example about some of the things that you experienced while you're on the road, you know doing, you know on your current job with the NBA right and then you talked about who you used to be. Can you talk more about that? Because we talked about struggle?

Josh Powell:

Yeah, because you know I'm in this journey. I'm in this journey and I got baptized a year and a half ago. We're approaching two years in September and you know, a lot of times when you start talking about religion or anything spiritual, you know you're going to have the people that are going to come out of nowhere, because you know you're going to be under this microscope. You know and the way you're supposed to move and how you're supposed to do things right, because you're a representation of the most high.

Chanel Scott:

Absolutely.

Josh Powell:

But in being a representation of the most high, the first thing I would say is I'm a center. At the end of the day. I'm not perfect, you know what I'm saying, but the goal is for me to continuously grow, to try to reach something that I know will never be obtained at all, right, and that's to get to that point where you can be as pure as possible, you're making the right decisions, you're keeping that book first, you're keeping the creative first and everything that you do. And it's hard, you know, for me, because of my trauma, because of the things that I experienced as a child, I grew up thinking differently about relationships, right? So, for example, I guess an easy way to say it is to say it at one point in time in my life, and I still think differently, but at one point in time in my life, you know, I believed in, I guess, open relationships or some form of polygamy or whatever. Like.

Josh Powell:

I just believed in that. I believe in that because of so I gotta stop you.

Chanel Scott:

So did you believe in? You say believe because belief is a strong word. It is, I mean you know, but that's because of my experiences. Right, Some things we do because of our struggles, but then there's some things that we be Root word belief because we actually believe it. So did you believe because it was a way to justify being with multiple women, or did you just do because of your experience?

Josh Powell:

There's no justification, because for me again, and I know right studies and there are things that contribute to a lot of that but at the same time I remember there was a question that I asked my therapist am I this way because of the trauma or am I this way because this is who I am now, because I do?

Chanel Scott:

And who you want to be.

Josh Powell:

Who. I have an understanding of what the trauma did initially, but I've gotten to this point where I've normalized it. But then too, there's also the other part of trying to conform to what somebody might believe or society or family believes is what's supposed to be right, traditional. You know what I mean. So there's always been that battle right Because I'm battling against me, I'm battling against desires, I'm battling against. Some people say well, you still hurt. I'm not on that.

Josh Powell:

I've done a lot of work. You know what I'm saying and I've put in the time and the effort and I know that I'm in a clear space. I'm not moving out of like, let me do this and let me do that. I like what I like. But at this point where I'm at now, my real battle is my spirit versus my flesh and my desires versus where I'm trying to go. So I'm picking spirit and where I'm trying to go over everything else. And that's the part that's extremely hard and difficult. Do not get me wrong. I'm not standing in front of you, this camera or anybody else making it seem like I got it all figured out and got it all together. But I'm doing the work and I'm growing and I've gotten so much better.

Chanel Scott:

But, like you said, you said you was asked. You gave an example of what you encountered when you're on the road, right, yep, and you was asked if that was temptation. You said no, because I came from that Right, so you don't. So for you that's a normal, that was a normal way of life for you, right? For me yeah.

Chanel Scott:

And so, now that you have this word, you believe according to the word. So that's the difference. There's the flesh, where you know this is normal for me, this is what I typically do, but because I'm trying to make this change and like I rest my For me, I rest my point of view on God's word, whether I want to do it or not, until I believe it in real life. But talk about why you said it wasn't temptation, like for you.

Josh Powell:

I don't view it that way again because I was brought up a certain way to believe certain things and my experiences and I understand that again, that was trauma. I understand again that I've dealt with abuse and I've dealt with certain things, but I still, even then therapy and everything else I was doing work and I've always been conscious and aware. But when I got to a point where, man, I really like this you know what I'm saying when I was younger I liked talking to multiple women or Dibbling and Dabbling and doing the things that I was doing, I didn't necessarily think anything was wrong with it, which is interesting because in this day and age right, that is something that, depending on where you at or what culture, is a normal thing. Nobody thinks about a guy that's dealing with multiple or a woman that's dealing with a woman like that in this day and age is like Alright, cool, but maybe beforehand it's like no, we ain't supposed to be on that.

Chanel Scott:

But what do you believe?

Josh Powell:

We gonna get back to that after this break. I.

Chanel Scott:

Welcome back to Relationships Matter, the podcast. So before we went to break, we was talking to Josh about what he believed in terms of how he used to live his life, especially when he was playing. Right, these things happened when you were playing and even some athlete. No, this happened when this is my life. It turns out how he you know dates.

Chanel Scott:

He said you know he enjoyed dating multiple women and having open relationship from time to time from time to time, and so what I'm asking you now is what do you believe now? I mean, do you see anything wrong with that, or what are your thoughts around?

Josh Powell:

that, honestly, I feel that people have to do what they feel is best for them. I'm not here to pour my views or paint any picture for anybody in their household. I'm only here to give a perspective that hopefully helps. So you.

Chanel Scott:

I don't want the political.

Josh Powell:

No, I had to start with that first.

Josh Powell:

Okay, the political. But where I am now because I am spiritually led and I want to make sure that I am fighting every day to give my all in every effort to walk a life according to the scripture, Then that is my end goal and what I'm going to do. So that obviously means that you know choosing one person. You got to let go of the distractions. You know all of that stuff. So that is where I'm at.

Josh Powell:

You know I'm in the process of constantly growing in this part of my life because you know, for 30 plus years, you know, I've been subscribing to a different channel and even in my first marriage, you know, I fell short many times but I was subscribing to the monogamous channel then but I didn't live out to that. So you know I own my part in that. I'm accountable, because I know that there's people that I've hurt. You know what I'm saying in old relationships and I'm sorry for that. You know what I'm saying. But if I could do some things different, I think it would be the conversation. It would be looking at it from that point of view, versus coming into this thing trying to conform to what somebody thinks or whatever this idea of it is, because in my world I know too much. You see, men and women alike who aren't honest, aren't faithful, aren't loyal. You know even the majority of women out there. They always say I've been faithful, but they entertain Still not being faithful.

Chanel Scott:

What's different now in this relationship, like your thought processes? What's different now? I was asking you during the break you made the decision to marry again. Was that based on love?

Josh Powell:

Yes.

Chanel Scott:

Was it okay.

Josh Powell:

So okay, but it wasn't the only thing, but it absolutely was. And then I think that I believe that you know, she is a person that wants to see me be the best version of myself, Even if that means that we have to figure out something different between her and I. What?

Josh Powell:

did that mean and I respected that, like not being together, basically Like she loved me enough to say like yo, if I'm not doing it or whatever between us, like then that's something that you know, if we got to go there, I love you enough to be like, hey, I want you, I want to see you happy, and to have somebody say that. I can't think of a time in a moment where I've been in a relationship with somebody and they've literally told me like I love you enough, like I just want to see you happen. You know what I'm saying. A lot of times you know the person is thinking of themselves and their experience and how I feel is something that's not even a thought at that moment.

Chanel Scott:

I think that's okay. So I think that is definitely a good conversation and understanding to have with your partner, but I also think that is a conversation that needs to be had prior to marriage because for me and I totally understand, like I want you to be happy, but once I make the decision to marry you, I don't want to see you happy with someone else. I just don't want to see you happy with someone else.

Josh Powell:

But I think the other thing you got to think of is like people might grow apart. They might have, they might have came into it like man we hear, and then some things might happen, whether spiritually it could be, emotionally it could be mentally, like somebody could have checked out, somebody could be triggered, like I don't know what that looks like, right, Well, given because of, you know, your childhood trauma.

Chanel Scott:

I know a little bit about that past experiences. How do you deal with what we would typically call temptation? But you say I come from that. How do you manage that now?

Josh Powell:

Because I look at, I always put the end goal in front and sometimes the end goal might disappear. I'm still human, like I don't want anybody to again think that I'm just up here, like I'm just just pure. He's just super different. No, I'm not. You know what I'm saying. But I am growing and I'm working always towards being better.

Josh Powell:

But I think that when I used to so for example, I don't drink anymore, I don't smoke anymore I used to do edibles. I don't do none of that stuff, no more. I pick up a Bible, I reach out to a brother, abraham, pray for me, though I need help. You know what I'm saying. I'm having, I'm struggling with something Like I'm doing those things versus like how I used to. Hey, bro, what you are Y'all about to slide, I'm about to pull up Like where y'all that like stuff like that, even though there's nothing wrong with anybody enjoying themselves.

Josh Powell:

I'm not saying that either. I'm not saying that you got to walk whatever type of life or line. But because we listen, there are all kinds of people that that are a part of the church that I go to, right, and there are entrepreneurs, there's truck drivers, there's teachers, there's all kind of walks of life. So I'm not here to say, like you do, whatever you do, you're a part of whatever circles. But the thing that I'm trying to pin down on is you got to start building. You know the more your faith is and your belief system, and the stronger you get, the more disciplined you know, the more understanding, like what this is and it's not a in a relationship thing or not. This is like you choosing the bigger and better versus the now. Right, and we're literally here for a certain time period, right. You know what I'm saying. Like, at the end of the day, whether you believe or don't believe, I do feel like most of us understand that there's somewhere else, that we go after this.

Josh Powell:

Absolutely it's just my belief, right, and I feel like other people think along those lines. But with that understanding, then we got to know like, okay, what is my purpose for being down here in this world? It's not to Become a billionaire and to live for 60, 70 years, and then that's it. Like it's got to be something bigger, right? So I say that to say that's the part that I'm focused on and how I can, how I can get closer to that, right, what I do here, great. But I'm trying to be an example that people can say man, I relate to him, understand him and he's making and doing the work to make the change. Right, I'm not putting myself above anybody, anybody that knows. I say it all the time. I'm a servant. My purpose here is to serve. That's it.

Chanel Scott:

I think when I think about Struggle like cuz I've been single all of my life, all of my I know all of my life and I have Done the the abstinence thing for a eight-year span. I've done it again for a four-year span and I'm continuing. Like you know, I Don't necessarily like to say I'm abstaining, I just make a decision not to do until, you know, I find myself in a healthy relationship with someone that I want to share that with.

Josh Powell:

I want to touch on that when we get back. I want to touch on that when we get back because I Feel like you should get your flowers and I'm gonna give them to you when we get back. I need you to understand relationship.

Chanel Scott:

Welcome back to relationships matter. So before the break, josh was getting ready to ask me a Question. What were you gonna ask me?

Josh Powell:

Josh, well, first I wanted to give you your flowers, because it's not easy, especially in today's world. People look at you, not you per se, but people look at women. For example, if You've never been married or don't have kids, there's like this stigma, like what's wrong with you. And then, as a man, if you don't have kids or Haven't been in some type of serious relationship, that they feel like, well, something must be wrong with you. And I don't think that's fair to the single men and the single women that are choosing to live their life and Go about it in the in the manner that's you know best for themselves.

Josh Powell:

I think that too many times, people are always trying to put their thoughts or their traumas or their behavioral patterns on somebody else, and I think it's admirable that You've gone. You know, abstinent when you did, or however long you did, or how many ever times you did it, because I feel like women are so willing and ready to give away was precious. You know the mean just at the drop of a dime. Now your lifestyle is your lifestyle, because I know there's some women you don't tell me how to live, do my body and I like Ain't nobody doing that. But what I am saying is whoever you are and what you were, however you plan to live your life, just own that. We got too many people women and men who say one thing, do another, come across a certain way and they do something else, and there's too much of that like for me.

Josh Powell:

One thing that I live with after my divorce, when I was talking to, in courting and doing all of that, was, after explaining trauma and pastings and this, that in the third I talked about my desires, I talked about what I like and what I think about relationship, and I got pushed back, and in other situations it was like okay, let's have a deeper dive in a different type of conversation, but at least I was open about me. You know what I mean, and that wasn't like the end all be all either, though. You know what I'm saying. I just I just felt like at the time, let me just be honest and swing it. So that was where I was, but I do feel like it was important just to share that, because I know it's not easy, and I ain't just thinking about you. I've had conversations With other, with other people in regards to that, especially if I'm having a conversation with another female, like it could be somebody I know or don't know, and it's just that stigma, man, it's so, it's so bad.

Chanel Scott:

I can't take credit for that, like I have, like Just me and my relationship with God and the way he, like I, have gotten my back. Oh, yes, my show, my ass beat Okay for making bad decisions. And so there are moments where I have slipped up, you know, because after, while you get tired of waiting, like you're like okay, what am I waiting for, lord? Like you know, I've been believing you for a husband for this many years and it ain't no way in sight. So what is it that I'm waiting for? But then, whenever I get out there and get into a situation, it's always crazy when I try to do it my way, my way doesn't work, it just doesn't work. So, because I have that knowledge, it's like he won't allow it to work. I put it that way because it'd be some outlander stuff. I just continue to believe him and continue to Stay in his word, continue to hold on to that promise.

Chanel Scott:

Everything that people see me do today, everything that I am, started with a request for a husband. It had nothing to do with doing no show, doing no podcast, writing a book, doing none of that. My request was Lord, I want a husband. And when I made that request Sincere, sincerely, like really from the heart, was like this is what I want, lord. He was like, okay, but what show? Who are you? You know? What are you doing for the kingdom? What are you doing for me? Let's start there. And I'm like, hey, that's not what I Asked you and he literally stripped me. He took everything from me. I lost everything and he literally built me back up because I genuinely and authentically Saw him. For that Some people say I prayed about it.

Chanel Scott:

I asked God for husband. They go back to doing a they own thing, doing it their own way for me. I wanted to do it his way and so his way is taking a long time, but I have. The experience that I've had with him has been like Unimaginable the way you know just how, just what God is doing in my life and how he's manifested himself in and through me and the things that he's allowed me to do. But that's still one request. It's like, lord, when are you gonna, you know, when are you gonna fulfill this desire? It's a desire of my heart. I think I want them more than anything. I don't think that desire is as deep as it used to be, because I found contentment and what he is doing in my life, but everything that people see, what that, that request started with a husband. That's what I wanted.

Josh Powell:

I mean, I mean, and in regards to that and your request, in the space that you're in today, what is it? What are some things that you want in a relationship and what are some things that you need in a relationship?

Chanel Scott:

Wow, I Want companionship.

Chanel Scott:

I want someone who I can. I want a life partner. I want someone who I can share, like my life with, someone who I can share my wins and my losses, my successes. Like it's the worst feeling when you, when I get done with a show and you be why you be am because you like, wow, I just did it and it's my purpose. So like it's just like on a whole nother level, when you operate it in that space, when you operating in your anointing and you go home and it's like an all-time low because you like, dang, I was just on this high and Then when I'm home, it's just like I'm still ants and I'm at the house by myself. This is crazy. It's feeling, you know.

Chanel Scott:

But I want someone who I can share my life with, someone who I can pour into and they can pour into me, someone who I can support, they can support me. Someone who we can do life together, we could do purpose together. You know our what we call our viewers and the people who follow us. We call them purpose partners. You know Someone who I can do something, we can do something that's greater than the both of us, but it's kingdom.

Josh Powell:

What do you need?

Chanel Scott:

What do I need? Everything, I just say, I need everything.

Josh Powell:

I just said like so then, how do you separate the two?

Chanel Scott:

You don't. It's all merged together when God gets ready for it to merge.

Josh Powell:

Has everything you wanted been beneficial?

Chanel Scott:

Everything I wanted, mm-hmm, what you mean in terms of what?

Josh Powell:

Has everything that you wanted been beneficial? And I'm going to ask the same thing as far as everything that you needed.

Chanel Scott:

You mean in the past? No, I made a tremendous amount of mistakes messing around with what I wanted.

Josh Powell:

So basically, what you just told me that was the want was really the need. That's where you're at now.

Chanel Scott:

Yeah, I need that. What I just described is what I need and what I want, like I'm in alignment. So what I need and I want is going to sound kind of alike, just because I'm in alignment with where God wants me to be. But in the past I used to pull around. What I wanted and what I wanted would get me in a lot of trouble. You know I had a lot of failed situations.

Josh Powell:

So you can definitely tell when there's no need attached to that want now.

Chanel Scott:

What you mean.

Josh Powell:

So you said what you wanted in the past got you in a lot of trouble, yeah.

Chanel Scott:

So like, yeah, what I need. The thing is, I'm seeking God for my husband. God speaks to me continually through his word, and so I don't want what he doesn't want me to have, because I know what I want can do to me. So that's why I'm so content in this space in my life, in this season, because I don't want. If he doesn't want it for me, then I don't want it. You know what I'm saying, but I do believe at the right time you know, whenever you get ready to move in that area, what I want and what I need to all merge and it'll be. It'll be one and the same.

Josh Powell:

Now, before we take this break right because you're going to have some folks. That's going to confuse this. So I hope that I'm going to give a quick perspective as we close the individual and what you want and need right versus like the need, when you put that power in somebody's hands as if you can't function without them. I hope people understand that there's a separation in what we're talking about, that's idolatry.

Chanel Scott:

I'm always going to be able to function just by myself.

Josh Powell:

People be like I can't live without like I like that's unhealthy.

Chanel Scott:

No, that's just want to make sure, because there's still going to be some people that might confuse the message.

Chanel Scott:

That's why. That's why that's why I had to get to this point by myself. See, when you know who you are, you don't get to that point I can't live without you. When you know who you are. It's only when you don't know who you are that you again attach a value and live vicariously through that person. And that's when you hear them say I can't live without you. I can definitely live without you. I have. I have all these years, you know, I've been single, I've never been married, so there have been moments where I felt like I couldn't live without a certain someone. But God like and I think I had a few of those situations actually and I think that's why I had to take the path that I had to take is not for everybody.

Chanel Scott:

Trust me For sure, you know, and it's definitely some struggle involved. That's why I'm curious as to, you know, when God blesses me with the husband, I was like, okay, so what's the next struggle going to be? Because I've learned how to operate in this space, you know, I learned how to curve my cravings, if you will, because I'm human, just like anybody else. But I just thrust myself into my purpose, like I'm married to that, and so I put all my time and energy. I don't have time to, like, sit and think about something that's not for me, you know let's talk about them, takeaways when we come back.

Chanel Scott:

Welcome back to relationships matter, the podcast. Before the break we were talking about needs versus wants, and I just wanted to add this part I really want because a lot of times we do things and don't recognize the damage that can be done. And during the break we was talking about moments when I myself have done things that I know was not in alignment with what, what God wanted for me, and I've done things. I've even connected with people or a person that I knew was not my person, knowing that God had a different plan for me, but me wanting to do, wanting to do what I wanted to do, wanting to do my own thing, and just becoming impatient and not wanting to wait and really putting myself in a very dangerous you know situation. You know to the extent that you know God has this beautiful plan for us and then we'll go and do something and really just put everything that we work for and everything that he wants to do at risk. It never works out.

Chanel Scott:

Ever, it never. It never works out. It's just a clear example of making bad decisions.

Josh Powell:

And for my people that don't believe, because we got to be respectful of them as well and their preferences. The universe makes no mistakes either, absolutely so. That's why it's just so important to do the work and be in alignment and make sure that you know you are in a space and a place. You know to welcome another energy. You know to welcome conversation, or you know being close or intimate. You know, and talking about needs versus want. You know, I thought this was an extremely powerful conversation. You know, because I feel like it's a lot of times the things that we struggle with often. You know, now we live in a day and age, we can go on social media, we can scroll all day long and look at all the things that look so good to us and we want it, but is this person going to benefit?

Josh Powell:

Are they going in the same direction? Do we have the same principles or values? You know, what does their moral compass look like? You know what I mean. What does their conversational piece look like?

Josh Powell:

Another part of communication that we don't talk about enough is are they a good listener? You know a lot of people can talk, talk, talk, but when it's time for them to receive, we don't have a lot of people that can do that. Well, you know what I mean. So there's so many different parts to this and your perspective was good. I, like you know, when you mention that your needs and wants are in alignment, you know, and I have a different perspective, but that still didn't mean that I didn't understand where you were coming from.

Josh Powell:

You know what I mean and for me, I'm just speaking based on the fact of I look at 20 plus years of, you know, being in relationships or building or dealing with, you know, women and stuff like that and the conversations. You know I look at conversations, whether it's been me personally or just talking to a friend or a family member or a stranger, about relationships, and you know my trips overseas and all of these different dynamics that come into play, and that's where I've created this sort of recipe that I feel could be helpful, or at least given that different perspective, because it is important, and a lot of times we always look at the things that we want as something that's truly beneficial and not understanding where we need to be. You know our purpose and those things. Is it something that's going to serve us? Are we going to be able to grow more so into who we are Intentionally supposed to be? You know things like that. So yeah, yeah.

Chanel Scott:

And sometimes what we want guys is not always good for us, and with that we'll go ahead and close out. Relationship really does matter, guys. We'll see you next time.