Relationships Matter Live

Alexia Adams: Conquering Relationship Chaos

• Chanel Scott and Josh Powell

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Prepare to be captivated as the resilient and inspiring Alexia Adams joins us to share her extraordinary journey. From overseas professional basketball to the NBA, then ultimately navigating a tumultuous romantic relationship, Alexia's story is nothing short of inspiring. She candidly discusses her experience on the reality show Put a Ring on It, the ensuing relationship chaos, and the healing journey that followed.

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Opposing experiences, a single woman and a married man, Chanel Scott, and Josh Powell, create a powerful and empathetic team, offering valuable insights and advice on navigating the complexities of romantic relationships and promoting healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Join Chanel and Josh as they unlock the secrets of successful relationships one conversation at a time.


Chanel Scott:

I'm Chanel Scott.

Josh Powell:

And I am Josh Powell.

Chanel Scott:

We have an amazing guest today, guys. We have Miss Alexia Adams. Welcome, thank you.

Josh Powell:

It looks in his thing. It's crazy, bigger than the mayor, but I'm trying to see.

Chanel Scott:

You crazy.

Josh Powell:

You crazy, exactly.

Chanel Scott:

So, alexia, let's start off by first just telling the viewers who are you.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

It's a loaded question. My name's Alexia Adams. They call me Big Lex, the biggest. I play professional basketball six years overseas. I'm retired now. I do player development for the Hawks. I have a podcast called the Reality Table. I also do the radios every Thursday with Big Bank, so it's the Big Bank radio and now we have a podcast Real active in the community. I have my own detox juice, alexia's drink to shrink. It's some other stuff too. That's a lot.

Chanel Scott:

Wow, but you know what? You didn't mention one thing. You know I'm wrong. I'm about to zone in. Okay, so you did the show, put a Ring on it.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Yep, right, you did Put a Ring on it.

Chanel Scott:

So I want to know was your participation on that show inspired by real life events? Like? Were you really looking well, you had to be in a relationship correct, and you was trying to decipher whether you wanted to put a ring on it?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Well, long story short. Me and that person dealt with each other in college and we were in and out, off and on, whatever, but we decided to do the show together. We had rekindled something, so we thought and we did the show.

Chanel Scott:

So what was the?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

outcome. The outcome was a man sleeping. He slept with a girl on the show on me, so I left him on the show.

Chanel Scott:

So he did that in real life.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

He did that in real life and he didn't think it was going to get out. What ended up happening was they had a closure date. They had never did a closure date before and we were trying to figure out why they had a closure date and apparently she had already told production. This is what happened. He goes to her, so they wanted to make sure you get your closure. So that's when she put it out there.

Chanel Scott:

Wow, and so how did that make you feel?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I love him. I was mad, for real. I was mad for a minute and then I ended up leaving him. And it's been almost two years now since the show. He constantly reaches out. I mean, we run into each other, we're around each other sometimes, but he, even in front of our friends that apologized and they just ain't no coming back.

Chanel Scott:

Music violation right.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

On national television, bro. That's the embarrassment part, exactly.

Chanel Scott:

You knew we were going to be filmed.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Exactly. Wow, that's the respect went out the window with that guy.

Chanel Scott:

That's right, absolutely so you're currently in a relationship. Let's clean this up.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

You currently in a relationship. Yeah, I was dating throughout my dating process. I took my time to date, but now the guy I'm in a relationship with his name is Rashawn Parker. Oh, she's dropping names. Yeah, I'll give him his name. We ended up, to be honest, he played with my brother in high school at McKee-Tren and we've always been in touch throughout the years. We dealt with each other in high school, tried to. You know we liked each other. I was overseas, and it was just a time where, you know, he came to me and I said, shit, why not? But honestly, I think with me I don't like to try to find somebody new. I tried it, you know, like recently, last year, I tried it. Okay, that one it. Talk about that, though.

Chanel Scott:

No, the process, because the process. Look at you, he knows.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

He knows, he knows, he knows, he knows. Who is it? It don't matter, but who is it, josh? Yeah.

Chanel Scott:

It don't matter. So talk about that process of trying to date someone new that you, you know, you didn't know, like what was the difficulty in that?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

To be honest, it wasn't too difficult. I had just did the show, Okay. So it was a lot of people DMing me, it was a lot of guys approaching me, this particular person DM me and we met up, you know, a couple of times started, obviously, started dating, but because of who he is, I didn't, I couldn't.

Chanel Scott:

Oh you couldn't. Okay, I know I don't need to know about that, yeah.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Just like more so on the lines of you know, people know him. So it's like I don't trust that and there's nothing wrong with that because you know I have a lot of professional athlete friends and artists and stuff like that. But I think that sometimes people get caught up in who they are used to be or still am, or whatever, and it just didn't sit well with me. But he obviously knew I was on the show. He actually watched the show. So when he saw you know, saw me on social media, he reached out.

Josh Powell:

So I have a question because I know you talked about like the embarrassment, right?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Yeah.

Josh Powell:

And typically most people. You know they don't have the public embarrassment of things like that playing out on. You know a platform like that. What were some of the things that you did to like heal you know what I mean During that time before you actually started to kind of get back out there, or did you start immediately like dating or entertaining, I was embarrassed.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I was embarrassed I could walk around Atlanta. People could point, pinpoint me, and not to say that they were pinpointing me because, oh, she got cheated on, but oh, that's the girl from Put a Ring on it, he slept on her. But more so like in a sense pinpointing, like they were kind of empowered in a sense that I left him. But for me, the person going through it, I felt embarrassed. But the way everything revealed itself on the show and then a reunion happened, people really pinpointed me like, oh, good for you, you left him, good job.

Josh Powell:

Like you got a lot of support.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I got a lot of support and with that support came a lot of opportunities. I ended up going to a what was it? It was Andre Ryzen's book signing. I was invited to it and then the guy who is doing the movie for him recognized me from the show. Hey, we about to get him back. We want you in the movie. And I thought he was just talking. Gave me some lines. Did? The movie had a role? All because I was embarrassed, all because I was embarrassed. So I mean I had a lot of opportunities come from that.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I had a lot of people who really went through maybe not say that, but something similar to it Reached out to me. You know, what are you doing to heal? How are you? First thing I kind of did was eat. I was eating a lot. I probably picked up 20 pounds and that ain't how big Lex looks.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

So once I picked up the weight, one of my friends hit me. I was like Lex, I need you to come to the gym. Then I started going to the gym and then I started going to the mountain every Sunday and then I lost 20 pounds and then I started like I want to and it was more so of me in the sense trying to get back. You know what I'm about to show this fool what he lost. So I was up here, probably writing in my journal I don't never write Writing in my journal being more active as far as working out. Then I started getting more involved in my community, I started wanting to do whatever You're going to see this face again and I mean those were the first steps, but honestly calling everybody, calling all my friends. Josh, you know what? I got an issue. I need your help, I need your advice, you know.

Josh Powell:

So when you talk to one with real aiming to cut you off with the get back, I think it's an important thing because, so many men and women right Probably, can relate to that and be in that mindset. What does the get back do for you? If anything, did it do anything?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Yeah, because the get back depends on how you use the get back. So some women talk about that. Yeah some women are nasty.

Chanel Scott:

My question, which goes into what you just asked, is did she personalize it? And clearly you personalize it was an offense to you and I want to know. I want the answer to his question, but I want to know why. Because a lot of times we feel and it goes like what he's asking about, the get back, is because it made her feel a type of way, and I mean from a woman standpoint. I understand why, but I want to hear you articulate like how it made you feel and why. So the other people who are listening, maybe we can learn from it and maybe take a different route the next time.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

The get back looks like two ways for me. Some women use the get back nasty, you know they might go slash the tire or something like that. I don't use it like that. So my get back was at first. It started like you know, I'm a show this dude not even understanding what I meant by that. I didn't even understand what I was going to do. How did you feel?

Chanel Scott:

I was just upset.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I was calling anybody that had a phone.

Chanel Scott:

Did it make you feel like less than? Did it make you feel? Did you feel like you had to compare yourself to the other person?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I think for me it made me feel and I'm going to just keep saying it embarrassed, because I don't never come out in public with a dude. If I come out in public with a dude, everybody know I don't care who I date now, but I'll never come out too much with who I'm with. So the fact that I did that and you embarrassed me I have a little way about myself. I'm like oh, you about to see Lex. So it started with losing weight.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Once I saw that people were gravitated towards me from the show, then started getting people from losing weight, I said, okay, I got a little. I got a little, you know a little. I still got it. I got a little, got a little. What's the word I'm looking for? Following, you know.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

So so then I just started being more active and then I realized the get back turn from me trying to get back at him to me, just wanting to be a better person, and then not go through or know the red flags when dealing with other guys. Because I saw him, I just chose to believe what he told me. Okay, you know what I'm saying. So he would tell me oh, I'm going, I got to handle this, go out of town, but he probably wouldn't go on that down, you know, and I believed it because I don't have no reason to investigate it, right, you know.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

So I think that the show really helped me because it showed me that I'm green when it comes to guys, because I always take their word. If you tell me, hey, I'm going to the gym, I ain't got no reason to question it, right, okay, you going to the gym, I'm at work, you know, I don't have no reason to question it. But now I saw the level because you got to remember on the show, when he went on his dates, I wasn't with him. Right, when I went on my dates, he wasn't with me. And then those cameras that were still playing when they were on their days, I know he said that stuff. I ain't know that girl was riding in my truck.

Chanel Scott:

But you know none of that. I want to say I don't think. I mean I don't know your opinion is your opinion of yourself when you say green, but I just feel like you were secure, like you didn't feel the need.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I was green, you was green, I was green because when I play it back, I seen him, I seen the red flags.

Chanel Scott:

Okay.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

But I chose to believe that you know he wouldn't do me like that. Okay, you know. So, yeah, I was green.

Josh Powell:

No, that's great points, but when we get back Right I love doing this Get back. We want to talk about cause. You spoke about being a better person. I think shifted for you, so when we get back, relationships matter Hi.

Chanel Scott:

Welcome back to relationships matter, the podcast. So, before we get back to our guest, miss Big Lex, guys, I want to encourage you all to go and like, subscribe and share all your favorite podcast platforms. So, josh, before we went to break, what were you asking? Miss Big Lex? Alexia Adams, the biggest, the biggest, that's right.

Josh Powell:

Well, I was, uh, because you know she mentioned how she transitioned the energy from I'm going to show him, I'm going to prove to him to like no, I'm going to work on me and be a better person, and I think that that's extremely powerful, especially coming off of a breakup, because there's so many emotions and obviously, again, with what you experienced, that's a lot different than most people.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I think the number one thing that helped me was the people I kept around me Even before going to the gym, like they would call me come to the crib, pull up, go meet, something like that. And they were just kind of giving me encouraging words and this is way before the episode was dropped. So they were, like you know, in mind. I didn't tell them everything, I just told them what he did. So at this point we hadn't even filmed the reunion, so I was just still embarrassed Like this fool. I didn't know how it was going to be transpired on television.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

So that whole process, it took a minute, but it started with just talking to people. It started with just, you know, I can't believe. It's like going to bed crying Boom, and then, like I said, one day, whichever day that was, I woke up, started calling some of my friends who I knew would just listen, and then they started giving me their feedback. Like, you just don't know who you are. How many people your age you know don't have kids. How many people got their own stuff together? How many people, like, know who you are? First, before you start questioning this person who obviously didn't know you or didn't respect you or, to the sense of it was a blessing in the skies.

Josh Powell:

Have you forgiven him?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Yeah, I don't care about that, because I wouldn't be with who I am today and the person I'm with today.

Josh Powell:

Have you forgiven yourself For what? For the decision? Sometimes people real tell, sometimes people can be very heavy and hard on themselves because, like you mentioned, right, I saw the red flags. But you know what I'm saying and I relate to that. I can think of plenty of times where there's been, you know, a homeboy, maybe a family member or somebody I was dating or dealing with. I saw what I saw, but I just, you know, kept going. You know what I'm saying, like it happens. So that's that's why I was asking, because some people can be really hard and heavy on themselves Like man, I can't believe, like a stupid, like they just be real negative. You feel me?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

But that's me today. That's me today. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. So, regardless if it's a boyfriend or a friend, I'm just be green, because I always say they wouldn't do that to me. So I believe in the zodiac signs. I don't care what nobody say. Libras are always trying to find balance, and it's because there's so much going on, Um, but to answer your question, you said have I forgiven myself? Um, I don't know if I forgiven myself or didn't forgive myself. I think that I had to go through that. Um, I think if I didn't go through that I won't I wouldn't have forgave myself. I guess that's the best way to say it, because for a long time I was like how did how? How I let that happen? How did I even put myself in a position to go on TV with him? You know what I'm saying. Like, how did that happen? But yeah, I guess you could say I forgave myself because that happened.

Josh Powell:

Part.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Um him cheating on me and national television, because I would have never thought that of anything to happen, I would have never thought he would have did that.

Josh Powell:

Did you feel like this on you? No, I just feel like that was the person I chose, so it's so.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

it still goes back to me.

Josh Powell:

I mean that's fair. Yeah, that's fair. The way you look at it, that's fair. But there are there are some people who might say that was. They did that because of me. That's why I wanted the clarity. You know what I mean. Oh, hey, no, okay.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Somebody. You know, at the end of the day, people do what they're going to do anyway, absolutely, and I would let somebody do what they rather do, or so I will let them do what they want to do, because that's what they would rather do. So if there was no cameras, he was going to do that anyway.

Josh Powell:

If he came to you about his desires, what would that look like?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

He's came back, you know, came to me trying to fix stuff, trying to date again. I was like, oh, that's out the pocket. Trying to be friends. I don't really see that. I mean, I don't have no issue with them, but I don't want to be around them. We see each other. Hey, how you doing? We've seen each other plenty of places. I don't know.

Chanel Scott:

That would perpetuate the because if she'd say they were friends and they were hanging out and people going to be like that's all and so and so.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

That's what they do. That's what they do. And they'll look at me crazy and be like how could you even be over here by him? Yeah, oh, it's embarrassing, like we could really never be in the same space. Yeah, and if we are, as soon as people see us together, they're like they'll probably take a picture, like oh, I thought she can't stand him, I thought he can't stand her. They're right here by each other. That's every day. So if it wasn't for the camera, even if there were no cameras.

Josh Powell:

It can be embarrassing to people to be heartbroken or to be done a certain type of way. You know, what I mean. I'm not here to buy any means, but a lot of people won't feel what you felt. They won't know that because people are viewing and you're getting that you know people are supporting because they're gravitating and they're like oh so people won't know. So that's why I asked, like if there were no cameras, would that be something as different?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I think if there were no cameras, it would still be an issue, because my friends would know what he did, and the only difference is everybody else wouldn't know, so it'd probably be easier to To forget. I mean, I forgive him, but it'd probably be easier to be around him, to be around him gotcha. But now, and especially because YouTube is very big, right after the show he did a lot of nonsense going on YouTube just talking bad about me, and that's where it went left and then bringing his mom in and blah, blah, blah. What was his motive for doing that, though? Because he wanted people to feel sorry for him. He wanted to make it seem as if we just planned all this, and he wanted people to feel sorry for him, like, oh, I really didn't cheat. Oh, okay, whatever you got to tell people to make yourself feel better now that's fine, but you knew what you were doing.

Josh Powell:

So what is different now between that experience I'm not even worried about the television part of it, but just that experience versus your current relationship? You know what I mean, because I definitely want to transition into the positive of it, because somebody's going through a breakup. They're going to watch this, they're going to see how did Alexia overcome her pain. That's why I wanted to transition to kind of see what was that process. You say is somebody that you already knew, but yet, and still, people can change over time. But what did that look like for you? You know what I mean.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

So he played basketball with my brother. I played on the girls team. We went to McKeechon High School. That's cute. We always liked each other. He was married, went through a divorce, married, went through a divorce, got kids twice. But when I went through that whole thing on the show, what makes me we play it back is the person who always checked up on me was him. And then when stuff on YouTube start posting, it would be him in the comments like y'all don't know her, y'all don't know what y'all talking about, boom, boom, boom. And then he would call how are you, boom, boom, just want to check up on you where you at the house. Pull up to the house, boom, boom. But now we fast forward. So now we're June of last year. He wishes back out again.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I'm going through a divorce, boom, boom, boom. And I hear this all the time. I don't hear from no more. Call me back in November, told you I was going through a divorce, went through it when you at. I said I'm at the house, I'm pulling up. And then we started you know, dating or whatever. And then I told him my insecurities with him was the fact that he went ghost. When he came back the first time he explained to me that I had to get. I ain't want no mess, I ain't want to bring you no mess, and I knew that was probably jumping the gun, but I told you I was coming back for you. I don't care who you talking to. Boom boom, boom. We started dating.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

But the things he do. He checks in. He calls Even when I'm not thinking or if I'm going through something. I don't know if he feel it, but then I get a text from him or a call when you at Okay, and then I'm like, yeah, I'm at work. Next thing I look up, you know he bringing me lunch. Oh, just check out that about your boom boom. People has done that before, but not to the extent that he do it. He'll drive all the way from Decatur or wherever side of town. He's working because he's a public adjuster. So he's what you doing, what you need. I come home. We had moved in together. I come home, rub my feet. You know what. You ain't doing nothing. Just sit down, cook me, food, everything. He was intentional. He was intentional.

Josh Powell:

Beyond and when we get back. I want Lex to talk about how it feels to have a partner that serves when we get back. Relationships matter. The podcast.

Chanel Scott:

Welcome back to relationships. Better the podcast, so Lex. Talk about what it's like to have a partner that serves.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

He's great. Like I said, he got kids. He has four children and he's a worker. My last relationship, he was felt like everything was given to him because of who he was. This guy really goes in the streets and hustles. He's like I said, he's a public adjuster but he goes to church on Sundays. My last relationship didn't. He's trying to get more into the Bible. His father's a pastor and then when starts starts going because we're not perfect when we start going wrong, his dad always drop a scripture in our little group chat, whatever y'all going through, because they know whatever, y'all going through A relationship with his dad in a group chat they would know, because he would call his daddy or I would call his daddy, or.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

But we all we're pretty tight knit, so it's more so them helping us filter things out and not just trying to push or judge someone, like I was telling y'all, like you don't want to win every battle, you want to pick your battle sometimes, and I think his dad is good with explaining that because he's married and he was in the military. He was an athlete, like both of us. So it's a different perspective when you're talking to somebody who kind of is in your footsteps or was in your footsteps. They're just older and I'm more prone to listen to them because they'll tell me what they did. You know you ain't got to put your neck on them. They're all the time. He's trying, you know, and then he'll come at me. I'm trying.

Chanel Scott:

Wow, so it's not like. You found the one, he the one. How do you know he's the one? Okay, he the one, but what?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Goddy told me Huh Did she say? You know the song.

Chanel Scott:

Goddy, is that what she said? Yeah, he got a song called the one. Oh, practically, though, like what about him? What characteristics Is there? Someone watching and I'm listening. How to identify when you have met the one?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

When you go to bed smiling, when you wake up, going to work, when somebody texts you good morning every day, not saying that you have to get those text messages, but he clearly knows my love language, so I think that's very important. So words of affirmation, he knows a physical touch, stuff like that, and he just certain things he'll say and I'm like, hey, how you knew that he was. Like I watched you when you don't think I'm watching you. This certain dialogues used and it could be all game, but it's great game to me. I'm in this game so kind of game because he sounds intentional.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Yeah, he's he's very, it looks nice. Can't take that away from you. Know, rescue so good hair.

Josh Powell:

Do you, do you? You speak really highly of him, so salute for that. Do you do those types of things back, or is his love language different?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

He'll tell me I don't do none of it. But now he told me when we fight, it's, you know, it's all negative, but when it's positive he'll say I remember two days I woke up and he was like, thank you, he was from my thank you. I said, for what? He's like, lex, I ain't worked out since college. You know, I had got him going to the gym, got him going to yoga, and he said he just ain't been this happy in a long time. He said. He said honestly, he'd been in love with me since high school. Yeah, what he told me.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

So I think that for me, my, I think I show love to him differently. I don't do all that he does, and that's what I'm working on. More, because he had a, you know, conversation with me is like I don't feel like you appreciate me and I never knew this. And I said, well, damn, how, not what I need to do, and it's at first, when I first heard him say it, I'm like, man, you just talking because I'm talking about something else, arguing about something else. But I think for the first time I listened to him and I'm taking heat into what he's saying, because I would take my lunch breaks, go have lunch with my coworkers. You know, he was like, if 15 minutes up the street, why you don't never have lunch with me? Why don't you never bring lunch to me? He's brought me lunch before but I never.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

You know, the thing here is communication, because he was never telling me none of this until I get mad about something else and I'm like your feelings are valid. I wish they just wouldn't come out right now because I'm mad about what I'm mad about. But then that's one of those things where I had to lose that battle that I'm mad about and just listen to what he was saying, because then, you know, we're building and working on that. So I need to be more intentional with the things I do and I complain a lot about my friends being supportive of me. I'm like man, they don't show up to this like something, the ones I want to show up.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

But when I realized I took an advantage of him because he's there every time, you know, not even thinking that, because that's my partner, like you know. But I really took advantage of him because I should be doing that for him with his job, whatever he needs me to do, and it probably took for that argument to happen for me to realize down all this. He was like you, putting all your energy in these friends. I'm here, I care about you, they can be gone tomorrow, and I've heard it before, but now I've received it like okay, I got you. So what we need to do, what I need to do, so that's just where we at right now.

Josh Powell:

No, that's amazing. I got a real good question because, being in this relationship with him and obviously you said you, you feel like y'all are on that level and page of marriage and all of these things. So not only have you or will you be taking on the role as a wife, but you will also be taking on the role as a mother. So I wanted to ask you right, what does that look like for you? You know what I'm saying, because that we're talking about this particular relationship, but this is a part of him and you've stepped into this role with children involved. You know what I mean. So what has that dynamic been like for you?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

You know what I mean Playing I think with kids, his kids in particular like we had a whole family meeting and he told them I didn't expect him to say it but he was like you know, I'm not looking for likes to be a stepmom. Y'all basically grown. That's what he told them. But he did tell me that he still wants one more kid. And I told him after that whole situation just throughout the years like I don't see too many of my friends that are still with their, their parents, you know, their first kids or whatever. I don't want to be a baby mama. I told him my issues with that and why I felt that way and he was like, well, I'm telling you I want one more kid and I wanted with somebody I actually love, someone I actually care about, I love my children. But I was always in these situations like this first time I'm happy. This is what he's saying.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

So I think honestly I didn't tell myself a long time that I ain't want no more kids and I don't want any kids. Like I got kids, but I got kids now but I don't want no kids. But he's probably the first person that made me think like right now I have a kid with them. As far as his children now, like they don't do too much, they don't complain, they're easy, easy going. They remind me of us when we were kids just wanting to do something. So I think that's simple for me because I watch everybody else's kids anyway basketball camp, stuff like that. So they kind of we just all kind of blend in and his other two kids there in Arkansas. So you know he's working on trying to get them or trying to bring them down.

Josh Powell:

You know, what I don't want to miss on is you said that he's happy now and he was in two marriages, correct?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Two marriages and a baby mom.

Josh Powell:

And it's crazy because I think that a lot of people have this perception that people who, even if they're in a marriage, that they're in this place and it's like, oh you know, because a lot of people compare they're like, oh well, I want what you got and it's easy for you to say X, Y, Z or move the way that you move them because you got what you got. But I think that when you really peel back the layers of a person or the relationship, it's a lot of unhappy people.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Yeah, it's a lot of trying to stick stuff out.

Josh Powell:

It's a lot of people trying to force a situation because they wanted to look a certain way or because of social media and all of that. So you know, I thought that. You know, I just wanted to make that point real quick.

Chanel Scott:

What do you suggest those people do?

Josh Powell:

Exit stage Lil.

Chanel Scott:

Even if they married.

Josh Powell:

Even if you married.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Let me tell you why I agree with him I agree, I just wanted him to say it.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

My guy, like I said, he was married twice. The three kids that he had by the first lady, the first young lady he wasn't even married to her. He was married to the last two. But I looked at myself because I know he wants to get married as a damn. Maybe third time is a charm and I noticed with the friends that I'm around this is their third marriage. Most of them is their third marriage. So it's not that it has to be. You can't have loved your first two wives or something like that, but maybe it is third time is a charm.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

You know, sometimes you got to go through stuff to learn stuff from other people, to meet the right person and not saying those weren't the right people, but there was a disconnect somewhere and it takes a bigger person to leave someone than to stay with them. You know, I always tell these people. You know people think my parents are married. My parents ain't married. My parents ain't never been married. My parents probably had a ring. My mom had a ring at one point. I don't know where is that, brother probably ponded.

Chanel Scott:

But your mom and dad are together though.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I mean they're not married, but that's why I use them as an example. They've been together since they were 15. But they're together as a couple.

Chanel Scott:

They live under the same house.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

They're in the same house, however you want to define that. But the reason I say that about them is they love each other enough that they don't want to go nowhere else. You get on and say they might not be married. They're like man, we, common law, we ain't about to waste no money, you know like you know they don't. It's not that big for them, like. But I've seen, you know people my parents separate, like seeing it and seeing what it did to us. And then when it came back together we were more solid. But again, like my boyfriend, his parents had separated and then he grew up in different households, you know so he was never really raised by one of them, he was always moving around. So he told me like that played a big part of you know how, why he believes in what he believes in today.

Josh Powell:

So we get back. We will discuss more about Big Lex and her relationship, or relationships matter to podcast.

Chanel Scott:

Welcome back to relationships matter, the podcast. So, lex, we've talked about your current relationship, a previous relationship. What I'd like to find out from you is, up until this point, what have been some of the more challenging, the more relational challenges that you've experienced prior to getting into your current relationship? Like if you had to surmise all of your relationships over time. Like what are some of the more challenging ones?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I think, and people don't get it, but I think, just dating in Atlanta, I think it's difficult. I think it's difficult to date in Atlanta, it's absolutely. I really think that because everybody want to be somebody in Atlanta, everybody want to be outside, everybody want all the girls, all the guys multiple dating multiple dating and I think a lot of times people aren't honest with each other.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I think me personally, I'm a blessing to have the friends I have because I know everybody. So you do some stuff outside is going to get back to me 10 times. Just don't be outside. But no, I just think it's hard to date in Atlanta. I think that for me, I never really had to date in Atlanta. I was always in something when I was overseas. So when my friends would complain about dating, I was like, man, this guy, this is what happened. Then I actually came home and experienced. I said, boy, it ain't nothing out here, because this is what you're dealing with. You're dealing with multiple men who claim their monogas miss, and they might not be. They might be into polygamy. You're dealing with guys who want to say their what's the word? I'm looking for DL. Yeah, well, not say their DL, but they own the deal. They own the deal. So they dating a guy somewhere. And then you're dealing with just the guys, the masses, the ones who want all the girls.

Chanel Scott:

Yes, the men who date Sheila, Jackie Kim, the one who's selling these dreams.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I said they need to stop selling these dreams. Who would it all you ain't? Yeah, which goes to my point of it was just so. People I felt like were trying to date me because I was on the show. Or I feel like people try to date me because I'm a men's coach in the summer for a lot of the pros. They want to be around these guys. I feel like people try to date me because they want to be around somebody else. You guys want to be around the guys. Basically like what do you call them Groupies? And not saying necessarily, but not necessarily, male groupies, maybe, like let's use Josh for an example. He's an ex-professional basketball player Used to play for the Lakers. You know, trying to get close with him or trying to get close with some of my other friends, but I mean, I'm a dude though.

Chanel Scott:

We talk about a dude. We talk about girls too. Some girls want to be cool with me because they know I'm around all the guys Okay.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

You know, I don't know if it's genuine or if it's not, because they're always like well, who all going?

Josh Powell:

So so to that point. Yeah, because that's a great point. Yeah, how do you choose the people that are allowed to come into your space? I watch them, okay.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

And I go through stuff.

Josh Powell:

My eyes hurt.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Yeah, I might go through stuff. I might I've witnessed it myself to where I've hung around people, you know, new people trying to come around, and then I'll see what their angle is. And I'm like you know what I'm done with that one and it's just a process because you really never know. So I try to filter out and that's what made me, you know, say to myself, man, if this dating out in Atlanta when Buddy came back was like where you at I was welcoming him back, you know, because I never really had too many issues with him, Right, and I would rather proceed and try to figure that out than and know his situation than to figure out someone who I don't know nothing about. And then some stuff come out, because everybody I've talked to in this whole dating process they would tell me these things, but then stuff will come out.

Josh Powell:

Then more stuff will come out. Right, and that's that's a great point, social media. To that point you just made, though, have your friends been more beneficial as far as helping you kind of weed through your dating phase, or has that been something that's that's hurt you? Because we we all have had people that one homegirl, homeboy we like hey you know, let me know because you might be missing something.

Josh Powell:

We got feelings for this person. We're just in the mix. We don't see what other people can see from afar, and that's why I asked, because I think this is important too, like from my opinion, in my perspective, I think is amazing to have solid people in your life, right, because sometimes when you trip and fall and bump your head, you need somebody that's going to like tug on you and say, look man, that ain't it. Or Abre, you tripping. You know what I'm saying? You got a good person right there, like tighten up. So that's why I wanted to ask you know what I mean. That's an important, important point to get up.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I'm starting to learn. It go both ways and you got to really pay attention. When you're taking advice from someone who's single, they single for a reason and that's hurt me, and I'm saying that because that's hurt me and my relationships. Listening to what they might have thought, that gets in my ear and I'm thinking this on my partner, and that ain't even the case. But when I get advice from someone who's in a relationship or married, it's a whole different advice. It's a whole. It's something I would have never thought of. And then, nine times out of 10, that's what's going on.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

So sometimes I think, are my friends giving me bad advice on purpose, because they want me to stay single, or are they giving me bad advice because, or good advice, because they're overprotective of me? So it goes like this. But I now take advice from people who are in a relationship. I don't care about what your opinion is and I'll take advice from someone who's experienced, but I'm not about to take advice from somebody who's probably one or two years younger than me. Ain't been through what? Nothing. That what I've been through, and not to judge them, but I'm just personally not about to waste my time.

Josh Powell:

I'm glad you clarified that too.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Yeah, yeah not to judge them, because I've done it and every time I've taken that type of advice it goes left and it goes in the wrong direction. So no, and then it depends on what type of advice you're getting from. If I'm getting relationship advice, I go to certain people. If I'm getting business advice, I'm definitely going to these people. If I'm just getting friendship advice, I'm going to my friends. But relationship you got to really know who you're talking to, because everybody ain't everybody Sometimes. That's just keep it real. I've witnessed guys give me bad advice because they don't want me to be with that person. They want to talk to me. I don't find that out till later. I've witnessed guys give me good advice and know the person, but don't want to tell me the truth and I'll be like just don't give me no advice. Then you know what I'm saying. If you're not going to point me in the right direction and you don't want to be a tattleteller, then just don't give me no advice. I rather you not just stay all the way out of it.

Josh Powell:

I know you've been. I had them homies come for you because you're giving out some secrets now.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I'm not giving out no secrets.

Josh Powell:

You know a lot of these dudes be trying to act like they 100, but they be plotting.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I feel like some do be plotting and I feel like, so I was going to say you typically can design. No, no, you can't design no.

Josh Powell:

I don't think so. I don't think so.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I don't think so. But, like I said, I'm very particular. I mean, I just tell you I used to be that person called the first five people on my phone and just asked for advice because I need to talk to somebody. Whoever going to pick up, you know what I mean. I think I still do that, but I call certain people, you know. So it's like, and if I just randomly decide to call somebody that I'm cool with, I'll call them just to hear their perspective. I think I just want to hear people perspective Because I was going to ask you, do you?

Chanel Scott:

actually take their advice, or do you just because you know we'll ask someone for advice, but we ultimately do what we want to do.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I think we all just want to hear someone's perspective and then filter that. I might get three ideas from you two for him and somehow come up with a conclusion, and I don't know if that's good or bad, but I don't all the time just go with what I think, because every time I've with what I thought I was, it goes left anyway. So I'm like you know what, let me just ask this person what they think or what could be another. And there's somewhere in the middle where I found that I've got a different perspective that I never thought of and I was like you know what, maybe I was supposed to ask around because I would have never thought of that. You know, because I'll give you an example, I'll give you the best example my dude did something just aggravates me, right.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

And then I came across Instagram, and Instagram there was a real where this guy you probably know what I'm talking about he said he was married like 18, 19 years or something like that, and he had three or four bad years with his wife. He said I'll take them three or four bad years before I not take the win. It was something like that. So that's when I started listening to what. You know, my dude's dad was like take your foot off his neck sometimes because he's doing everything else. We all can't be preference. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna have to lose this battle. Then.

Chanel Scott:

Yeah, I guess, but also. But still pay attention to the things that make you tick, because this is someone who you're considering spending the rest of your life with, so that's important. Like, can I live with this? Like, really, aside from what y'all talk about, you got to be real with you and be like can I live with this Defend on the person?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Because I might can live with it with them. I might not can't live with it with the next person, but if it's the right person, you're gonna. You're gonna deal with people's stuff anyway, true? So I think what I'm dealing with with him is my new, compared to what I was dealing with with these other guys, which was blatantly just being disrespected. You know what I'm saying. So, and when I say it like that again, it's because it was on national television.

Chanel Scott:

Yeah.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

You know what I'm saying. I don't care what nobody thinks. Everybody don't get a chance to be on TV, and when you get an opportunity to be on television, to come out embarrassed, exactly, it's a different feeling, right?

Josh Powell:

So we will have more from Alexia when we get back. Big Lex Relationships matter, the podcast Relationships matter.

Chanel Scott:

Welcome back to Relationships Matter, the podcast. So big Lex, the biggest, the biggest. Let's talk about love languages. What are your love languages? What is your love language?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Physical touch. Words of affirmation. My dude said all of them. He said I'm all of them. Okay, thanks, I would say that doesn't be my main three. How?

Chanel Scott:

important are they to you?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

It's not that they're so important, but I'm starting to learn that my partner's love languages aren't the same as mine. So when you start showing how you feel like you should be loved to them, you know, if you don't know what their love language is, it's going to be a conflict because they want to be loved a different type of way. Like I was giving you an example, my dude I never knew he got mad about certain things, you know, until he brought it up. When I get mad, he was like, well, how come you can't bring me lunch? You know, boom, boom, boom, because he do it for me, and I never paid attention to that. He does that for me because I like it, but also because that's what he would like.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

So I had to start dissecting. I thought he just was already out and I never paid attention that he really would come across America to bring me lunch or whatever it is he did that day. So, yeah, it's very important to learn and to know your partner's love language and if you don't, you need to start trying to figure it out, because when you start loving them a different type of way, they might find resentment or they might go get it from someone else Right? So if you show, them that you're good.

Chanel Scott:

How important is it to have that conversation, josh?

Josh Powell:

I feel like it's. I feel like it's extremely important. I feel like a lot of relationships people are loving their partners or a significant other is the way that they want to love them, Right, the way that they would like to be loved. I do feel that there could be a balance, but ultimately you want to show up for a person the way that you know is special for them. You know what I mean and just listening to you throughout this time, I think that it's beautiful that you and him communicate the way that you do.

Josh Powell:

You both acknowledge that your work's in progress, but at the same time, y'all are both willing to know what I mean, Just being able to. When he said, hey, I'm doing lunch for you, why you don't do that for me? Some people, or most people in that situation be like bro, I ain't doing that, or whatever they might say, but you was like you know what? I never thought of it that way. So, to acknowledge your person's feelings, I don't feel. A lot of times people do that in relationships, especially in the midst of conflict or some type of disagreement. A lot of times it's like me, me, me, me, me me.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

But I will say that what you just said, in the midst of disagreements, oh, it was two disagreements, big disagreements, before I acknowledged and understood what he was saying, because I was thinking he was using which is still part of defense mechanism, but I felt like he was deflecting, like we need to address this first, boom, boom, boom and then finally, like I said, I was like eff it. You know, eff what I'm mad at right now. What are you saying?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

And that took a week to happen and me knowing me, I try to fight everything. So then I was like you know what it's about you today. Okay, what you want, what am I doing wrong or what do you need from me? Because this whole time he's been saying it but I never heard it, because he says it when I get mad about what I'm mad about.

Chanel Scott:

But why does he do that though?

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I still think that's deflecting. Yeah, I feel, because I feel like you definitely are entitled to your feelings, but it's all about placement too, and I feel like his placement with his feelings when he's telling me is just out of order and it takes me to be the bigger person to scale back and be like you know what. Okay, you right.

Josh Powell:

Like instead of him just naturally doing it when everything is smooth and calm it's like it comes up in discussion when it's like y'all are doing this.

Chanel Scott:

It's like playing ping pong. So she has an issue or something that she wants to address and then, rather than him hear her out, he'll say well, you didn't do this either, yep.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

And then he'll go back to his feelings, and that's what I've been dealing with.

Chanel Scott:

He'll go back to his feelings.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

So for me it's frustrating because I'm like, I'm feeling like I'm not heard, you know, because I'm the one who has the issue Right. And now your issues are coming up. In this whole time I never knew how would I know? I've never said anything before, right, you know. But now they're coming up when I have my issues. So what I'm learning right this moment is let me just be quiet, let me address, let me be the bigger person and let me address his issue first and let's see if we can come back around the mind.

Chanel Scott:

Because I was going to say if your issues don't get addressed, you're going to develop resentment over time.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Not with this particular issue. I think it's going to be more so. It's going to have to be some type of compromise with it, like, if you don't want to do this, let's figure out how we're going to compromise with it, if there could be compromise with it or it could be whatever. But I think for me, right this second, a knowledge in his feelings is more important, because he's spoken up finally, even if it was the wrong placement, and that's what I'm learning right now, like you know what, let's just address how he's feeling, because he always addressed how I feel, even though it being weird ways. But okay, let's address how you feel. I'm going to work on it and then, once I work on it, I'll come back around. I'm going to come back to what I have an issue with.

Chanel Scott:

Yeah, I'm just saying it will wear you out over time. If that continues to happen, then you will. You'll be like okay, I don't even care how you feel, that's over time. If it continues to happen, if it's a repeated pattern Because it's like I always got to put my feelings on the back burner to address yours because you're deflecting.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

But I think in this situation, for most of the time, it's always him putting my feelings before him, but this issue that I have, he really is like trying to deflect it. So, okay, I'll play that game. Let's handle your issues. Let's handle your problem with me first, because I'm still coming back around with my issue, and how do we resolve that? And I'll never do that for nobody.

Josh Powell:

I always got to take the time to give my salute. You know what I'm saying, Keep me on my head. But I want to salute you because you know what I mean. I know you extremely well and from a relational standpoint, watching everything that you endured from a national stage or platform and to how things have shifted, from the entrepreneur slash businesswoman that you are, woman, family member, friend all of that you know what I mean. Just keep doing the things that you're doing. We appreciate you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to come pull up on us. You know what I mean and share.

Josh Powell:

But I want to finish on a different note and I think it's important to hear your perspective, because you are around so many men that are in the industry or a part of the industry, or athletes, whatever you want to like. You know successful, just different type of men that you're around, that you're cool with, you know you have your relationships with. But speak to the men and give your perspective on what you feel the men should do in the dating phase, based off of your experiences, based off of what you learned, based off of conversations that you've had. I think this is a cool little moment to kind of do a role reversal. I think it's important that we hear from women as well.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I think that I've been blessed to get the cheat code, like I was talking earlier the cheat code because I'm in an environment where I play pro ball. A lot of women stopped playing and I was training with the guys. That's how I built these relationships. Now basketball is over for all of us and I'm still in touch with these guys and I meet people through other people and rappers want to be singers and artists and basketball players and basketball players want to be vice versa. So I think that's where the networking starts. I think it's difficult and it takes a strong person to date me because I'm around so many men, because guys I've dated in my past. They don't like it, they feel like I got to be doing something. But anybody that knows Lex know like man y'all got to know that's Lex. You know like she out here moving the groove and she out here working on something, and my dude definitely understands that.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

I think what the world needs when it comes from the men that are dating women, you got to take a step back. Social media has very much did it. The real dating, you know you don't know if people are really going on dates for dinners, free dinners and want to take a picture of their food. You don't know if guys really like you or if they like how you look or what you bought on you. You know what I'm saying and I think we just need to take a step back. Stop sending Ubers to go pick up women. Go pick up the girl. Stop just going to all these expensive places. Go take a walk in the park, go do something that you can remember. Go to the movies on a Friday night. Do whatever you used to do in high school. Do it as an adult and do it with that person, because these Ubers getting old, I can Uber for myself. You could be sending an Uber her take her home, sending an Uber to pick somebody else up, but you got to go back to square one because we all have to agree that it's different dating now than it was probably 15, 20 years ago. You know I was more excited to date someone, whereas too many dating sites out and I feel like now so many dating sites because you're trying to just find somebody. Everybody you feel like might have been dragged or ran through or whatever, whatever word you want to use, but I think it starts back with the basics Picking the girl up, taking her home, opening the car door, listening to her put the phones down sometimes, maybe just take a couple of hours at the day where we're not touching our phones, like or being on social media, because that's a big problem. It's a lot of error with social media. There's a lot of temptation out there, you know, and I think if you're going to be in a healthy relationship I hate to say this, I hate to say it I don't think nobody believes in this, but I didn't believe in passwords or sharing locations until I got with this guy.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

He believes in sharing location. It's not that he don't trust you. What if something happens? What if something happens and something happens? You got to know where you at. What if I've seen it firsthand, you know. So I'm big on.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

Okay, well, now you can have it. I don't care, I ain't got nothing to hide. I'll leave my phone open, but he ain't going to go through my phone, you know. But the fact that he has it and vice versa I mean we spoke on it he's never going through my privacy. But what if something happens? You know, I can't get through your phone. He got bad asthma, so he takes breathing treatments every day. His kids take breathing treatments. So, again, someone's upbringing. They never really had phones back then with their upbringing, so now you have access to things. I think is more so being transparent and you're not going to find too many transparent people. Who's going to tell you the truth? You're not going to find too many people that are going to be honest and telling you. You know, it's just you or whatever you believe in. You know, but I think I found my match right here, all right.

Josh Powell:

I heard of him. Man, let's make sure y'all listening up, you know what I'm saying. It's good to get both sides. Lex, again thank you for blessing us with your presence. Thank you for having me Definitely a beautiful conversation, gaining a lot of different perspectives, I know for myself. So a lot of reminders, confirmation, but at the same time learned a few things. So, thank you. We hope to see you again soon at the wedding. We appreciate y'all for another episode. Relationships matter.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams:

The podcast.