Relationships Matter Live

Tray and Ayesha Chaney: Stepping Up When Love Calls

• Chanel Scott and Josh Powell

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What if you knew the secret to maintaining a loving relationship amidst career struggles, personal turmoil and the complexities of co-parenting? Join us for an enriching conversation with our guests, Tray and Ayesha Chaney, as they unveil their personal journey dating back to their club days in 2002 to the relationship they've meticulously built over time. They share their early experiences, with Tray juggling between his budding career and personal life, and how they sustained a connection as a young man transitioned into a responsible man.

Through Tray and Ayesha candid conversation, we get an intimate glimpse into their experiences of introducing Trey to his daughter, and the emotional journey that ensued when his daughter's biological father returned. As we navigate this chapter, Tray shares his heartfelt reflections on fatherhood, opening up about the sensitive conversations he had with his daughters biological father and the tactics they adopted to maintain harmony.

But, success doesn't come without its fair share of setbacks. They discuss a year-long separation, the growth they experienced, and the lessons they learned about balancing household responsibilities. They share their struggles with control issues, and how they made conscious efforts to reach a healthier balance. Tune in to this episode rich in insights and an honest depiction of love, as we learn from Tray and Ayesha's journey. Their tale is a testament to the power of communication, compromise, and understanding in relationships.

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Opposing experiences, a single woman and a married man, Chanel Scott, and Josh Powell, create a powerful and empathetic team, offering valuable insights and advice on navigating the complexities of romantic relationships and promoting healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Join Chanel and Josh as they unlock the secrets of successful relationships one conversation at a time.


Chanel Scott:

Welcome to Relationships Matter, the podcast. My name is Chanel Scott.

Josh Powell:

And I am Josh Powell.

Chanel Scott:

And we have amazing guest Trey and Aisha Chaney here with us today. Yeah, Now you guys know Trey from the wire.

Tray Chaney:

Y'all know that.

Chanel Scott:

Y'all know none of that. He's done more work since then, but you know we was. You know you left an impression. Yeah, there was an impression left, you know. So today, you guys know that the premise of the show is relationships matter. So I want to start off by just asking you guys how did you meet?

Tray Chaney:

So you wanted to start with me, or you want to start Go, you, start you know, normally the versions are slightly different, so I'm going to let Miss Asha you decide.

Chanel Scott:

Yeah, you want to hear his version first. Yeah, go ahead and give us a second.

Tray Chaney:

We met in Washington DC, which is where we're originally from, back in 2002. Ok, I'm from Foolsville, merlin, my wife is from Southeast Washington DC and we met at an event at a club called VIP. It was a very popular club in DC and nightlife, you know just out and this was actually my first time being able to, like you know, get in the club. I had just turned 21. Ok, so, in being as though that my career had just started with the wire, yeah, my first time at the club was a VIP experience. It's like, oh, you do do from the wire, come on, whoever you, it come in. So we in there, we partying. This beautiful woman walks past me with this wrap on her head, this black dress, which was Aisha. So she walks past and she, you know, we caught each other's eyes. She stopped. She's like, yeah, you are you the guy on the wire.

Tray Chaney:

I think in the wire was probably like around the third or fourth episode. It was very early on, but they had, you know, aired it already where, if you were hip to it, you know you were seeing it. But, like I said, a fairly new show, right, but you know she. I'm like, yeah, you know, I'm on the wire. I play Pood and I'm an actor, and you know, and we just started. You know, it was like a conversation, like a very short conversation, but when she was about to walk away, I grabbed her arm gently, not in no force for that, not aggressively.

Tray Chaney:

Not aggressive, but I just grabbed her arm and correct me if I'm wrong. I know men in that supposed to ask women off the rip how old they are, but I'm like, yeah, I think I was like are you, how do you? I mean, like I said I was 21. She said I'm 27. So I said, oh, in the first thing I said I said do you mind like talking to younger men? You know, like in I don't even remember what you say, but it was just like whatever. Yeah, I mean, it was just like we exchange numbers. Yes, and I stopped right here, we exchanged numbers and yeah, that's that's all.

Josh Powell:

This is back in 2002. 2002. And the detail in that?

Chanel Scott:

He remember.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, it's the. I remember those details. Now she might give you her version. What's your?

Chanel Scott:

version. It's the same version, so y'all exchange numbers.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, exchange numbers.

Ayesha Chaney:

So this was before Like cell phones was really.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, it was still house phones.

Ayesha Chaney:

So I was living with this, I was a two way pager or the pager?

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, the two ways was out, but I don't think. I had one, yet OK, yeah, I wasn't really. I just started getting a little bit of money. I wasn't getting money like that yet. Yeah.

Chanel Scott:

OK.

Tray Chaney:

But it's a way to change numbers and I'm going to bounce around a little bit. I was, I would pull a disappearing act. Yeah, I would disappear for like a month. It was young, it was no, it was no apparent reason, but it was just. You know, I was, he was feeling this. I just got on the show and I was meeting, meeting everybody, I mean you know, different celebrities, I mean. But no, it was, it was. It was definitely nothing with between me and I should.

Tray Chaney:

You know, it wasn't like I'm just disappearing for nothing, because any time I would see her, it was always like, hey, I want to. You know, I want to kick it. Let's, let's hang out. Let me come over your house. She had her own place, I had my own place. No, she had her own place or own car, job, I had nothing. I was living with my mother and father in a basement, my mother, father, my sister. I lived in a basement. I had no car. I was just the guy from the wire that would borrow my father's car to dry the set. But my wife had had every. She to me. I'm like, yeah, you got your own place, your own car, and I just always it was a connection from the beginning. I can say that when I met my wife in the club it was a connection off the rip. You know what I'm saying. So you know a couple of little disappearing acts and she would cuss me out and be like what?

Chanel Scott:

is it what you been at and you said you don't have anything to do with her? But it's good that you're saying that, because people will personalize and internalize and make it about them. Yeah, that's true. When, in fact, you was like I had nothing to do with her. No, that's just where I was at the time.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, I was just the space that I was in as a young man. Like I said, I mean, just think, my first experience I'm 21 and I'm on a show, yeah. So I always tell like people this I never experienced standing in the line, you know what I'm saying. I came out the gauges, the wire was my first job as an actor. So my experience, on just being in the clubs, it was always like the VIP treatment because, like I said, being on the wire, an international show, my first job as an actor, that's all I, that's what I experienced first hand. So but it brings me back to the point of the disappearing acts. Like you said, it wasn't about because I had a problem with her Pearl, you know it. Just, that was just young. And and one thing I can say, when we would communicate, it was always love, it was always like.

Chanel Scott:

So, would you just disappear. And then just one day we're like let me call Haisha.

Ayesha Chaney:

Well, my first time calling him. Well, the second time. The first time I called, he wasn't there. Second time I said this is my last time calling, I'm not calling him anymore. Yeah, and then he answered.

Tray Chaney:

Then I answered the phone.

Ayesha Chaney:

So we talked that night to like Four or five of them or something.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, we got on the phone at what 10 o'clock and we talked to four, five in the morning, just conversation and I had to go to work and I love I mean, I knew I loved a conversation.

Tray Chaney:

You know like, yeah, we talked all night and, yeah, she had to go to work and we would talk the next day. Any time we talked, it was always like a great conversation, long conversation, until we say let's go out on a date. You know Now, our first date was at Cheesecake Factory. Yeah, we still loved Cheesecake Factory because it was our first date, our first date over 20 years ago.

Chanel Scott:

What was different about her than?

Tray Chaney:

maybe Than me dealing with whoever else. Right, you know what? What was different about Aisha was definitely her maturity. You know, I got to say that because I was 21. This was, like my maybe second time dealing with a woman a little older than me.

Chanel Scott:

Was that your preference back then?

Tray Chaney:

I think I got to say I have to say yeah, but no, I had never dealt with a woman more than six years older than me. It was my first time dealing with a woman more than six years older than me. But what was different about Aisha is she in my eyes, she had everything together and also I respected how. Not only did she have her own place or her own car, but she was a mother. You know Our daughter Tina.

Tray Chaney:

I met our daughter Tina when Tina was eight years old, so I respected that. I'm like, yeah, she's doing all this single mother you know what I'm saying Working, and just she just had everything, in my eyes, together. I'm like, yeah, and me I'm like I don't got nothing together, I'm just a celebrity or whatever. I'm just doing whatever I want. But no, and I always respected her thoughts on certain things that we would talk about. We would talk about a lot of deep stuff. I mean, even to this day, like I said, we speak about a lot of things and I could learn a lot from her as well. I learned a lot from her even in the beginning of us talking and us coming up together and as far as coming up together in a relationship and learning each other still learning each other 20-something years later, and that's what I appreciated about Aisha.

Josh Powell:

So I there were so many things. I wanted to ask One of the things from the standpoint I guess it's a two-part question because you already had a child. So what went into the decision of allowing another person to be in that space? Because I know that space is sacred, it is. You know what I mean. So what went into that decision? And then my question for you, King, would be you now taking on that type of role. So this is something that I was just literally thinking about.

Ayesha Chaney:

Well, partly was from his household. He's from a two-parent household. I had met his mom, his dad, his sister.

Tray Chaney:

My whole family. At the time, yeah, his aunt was living there, very family-oriented.

Ayesha Chaney:

Yeah, and that's what I loved about it, so about him, and so that's what made me open up a little more for him to be able to come in to our space.

Tray Chaney:

So, yeah, I just wanted to piggyback off of that, like I used to say, my upbringing, I came up in a two-parent household. It was always my mom, my dad and my sister. My mom's the opposite, hers was totally opposite, totally. She came up.

Josh Powell:

Would that have been and I didn't mean to cut you off would that have affected the decision? If, for example, like that was one of the things you noticed, but would that have affected your decision? If the household, if the structure wasn't the same? You think?

Ayesha Chaney:

A little. Yeah, it would have.

Josh Powell:

I see, yeah, I just wanted to ask you.

Tray Chaney:

No, that's real because you know me coming up and always seeing my father work. My father just retired a couple of years ago from FedEx after 35, something 40 years.

Ayesha Chaney:

You see his father with his mother.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, and the way my father, how he is to this day with my mother and the way my mother is with my father. I seen the example, you know, I watched the example. They've been married going on 42, 43 years now. Like I said, it was always mom, dad and my sister, my sister's four years younger than me, candice Cheney, and we like twins, you know, even though she's four years younger than me. But I came up just around all family, all of my friends. To this day they consider family, they can go over my parents' house without me even being there. So that's how I came up and asking her to question in reference to what that had changed things. I think it probably would have if I would have just been just out here, just whatever, because getting a little personal, you know, her past relationships or whatever she had went through. We spoke about that and it was totally different from me, you know. No-transcript.

Josh Powell:

I know, I know for me, like you know, if I could look. When I look back at other relationships, like paying attention to that family structure, I feel like a lot of us missed the ball, missed the mark, yeah, and that doesn't mean you judge the person based on that too, that's true. Out of fairness.

Ayesha Chaney:

That's true.

Josh Powell:

But I like what you said because it was like well, what intrigues you about him? You immediately went to a Weisshauss family and I think that's a big part of a lot of times in the decision making you know a lot of people.

Ayesha Chaney:

when you date them, they don't let you meet their family, that's true, which is kind of weird. The first, but that's a sign of what you're going to get.

Tray Chaney:

The first time.

Tray Chaney:

The first time, the first time we the first time I invited you over, probably after, you know, hadn't talked to you in a while. She came to my house when my house was Every night. My house used to just be my mom, my dad, the music is up. We got him in drinks and you know just, she came into my home like this, with Tina, our daughter, so they got it at the same time. This is what I do. I live in a basement, but everybody's over here every day, so this is what we bring in Aisha and Tina into my space with what I'm used to. That helped a lot as well. You know what I'm saying.

Chanel Scott:

But I have to ask, with the age difference though, yeah. So it was different, aside from the family dynamic, because that is important, but in terms of attraction, what was it about him? Because there was a six year difference. What was what stood out about him and his personality, or what you saw in Over against what you'd experienced in your previous relationship? What was the major difference?

Ayesha Chaney:

Well, Trey was older in maturity versus his age, so I guess that was the difference. I mean, I've dated, always dated older guys, but the maturity level wasn't older.

Chanel Scott:

A lot of times they still act young even though they're older, because at that age I mean, I guess the older you get, then the age really kind of just fades out. But at that particular age he was 21.

Ayesha Chaney:

21, just turned 21. You know what I'm saying.

Chanel Scott:

He just turned 21, but there was still something that stood out about him.

Ayesha Chaney:

He was really mature for his age and I learned that talking to him and I'm like oh wow, he's not as young as his age. So that's how we connected.

Tray Chaney:

We connected. It was a connection and even Aisha being six years older than me, I didn't really look at age. We love the same At that age. Yeah Right, we love the same music, we love the same things, we do the same things. We. I can't yeah that one word connection.

Josh Powell:

It was a real connection from the start, so I picked up on something else that you shared, too, when you spoke about, because you mentioned that she had. Basically her life was together, right, and in a sense, in a sense Even though you're having success, but to most people it's like bro still living at home with it, bro with it, dad. But I think it's beautiful, so for you to overlook that, I guess, so to speak, to give a word to somebody right. That's probably in that situation, because now we're in the age of bosses.

Tray Chaney:

And everybody.

Josh Powell:

You know what I mean, and it's like if somebody's in this type of situation, you overlook that, for whatever your reason was. I just want you to kind of talk about that.

Ayesha Chaney:

I always say don't block your blessing. You don't know who your person is. Right, yeah, you're looking at the outside or just the physical stuff, but that could be your person and you might pass up that person and end up with the wrong person Because you was looking at the wrong things.

Chanel Scott:

How did you balance the new relationship, because you had an eight-year-old daughter and then her dad? How did you fit all those pieces with the co-parenting thing?

Ayesha Chaney:

What did that look like? I was a single mother.

Tray Chaney:

Single single.

Ayesha Chaney:

Single, single Meaning, with a capital S Meaning. He was non-existent, so that wasn't the issue.

Tray Chaney:

So even for me, because that's something that I would have had to, that's something that fortunately, I didn't have to deal with that Because he and this is not the bad talk anybody but for him never to be in her life, regardless, or in their life, regardless of whatever circumstances that he might feel he wasn't around. And when I first met Martina, our daughter, she was eight years old. Martina's 30 now. So just the experience with our granddaughter, morocco.

Tray Chaney:

So just I had always said, man, I never dated a woman with kids and I fell in love with Aisha, I fell in love with Tina and it was like, okay, and being a part of that journey with Aisha, raising Tina as her father, regardless of the circumstances, it's been a beautiful journey to see her from eight years old to now, see her now as a mother and we grandparents, our granddaughter's three years old. So and I'm not going to say everything was super smooth, you know, with me and Tina. You know what I'm saying Because I had to understand this even now as the years went on, tina, you know her biological father she still was hurt.

Tray Chaney:

You know, she still was hurt, even though they might've never seen each other for 15 years. But I had to understand, well, it's still something with, you know, a child, male or little female, but especially the female it's like my father was just never in my life. So when we would, you know if we were getting into disagreements or something, certain things that had to be corrected, you know we would we got to talk this out, we got to figure out how we're going to get past it and we've been fortunate enough to get past certain things and just you know, having her as my daughter, you know, I mean, she's been calling me dad since we met. You know what I'm saying, since we, since me and Aisha got married and we together, and so I'm like you know what, I must be doing something right. You know, we, we did it together, but me as the father figure and the man in the house, I'm doing something. How do you?

Josh Powell:

handle like that emotional roller coaster. I'm sure that that has to be tough, right From the standpoint of there's so many different emotions in this situation. Right you allowing him to come in you know what I mean. The daughter now adjusting, but then the daughter still dealing with, and then you being able to trust right, because y'all are building. You're coming in because you know you're now turning into a father.

Tray Chaney:

There's so much to unpack. Definitely wasn't easy. You know what I'm saying. And literally it's just like I say over 20, something years later it's just getting like okay, this is, this is what it is. It's not so much to unpack, no more now, because teen is 30.

Tray Chaney:

We, you know, and we, I want to say from age maybe 13, yeah, her teenage years to maybe like 20, 21, her teenage years, that when she became an adult, that's when emotions and stuff had to unpack, then you know we had to go through certain things and I'm going to tell you, the main key for how we dealt with it was the communication laying everything out on the table.

Josh Powell:

Everything has to be laid out on the table, like when she asked, or did y'all come to her with stuff, or you waited till she asked.

Tray Chaney:

When you say laying stuff on the table, Well, laying stuff on the table could mean just getting into argument or something, Cause Tina was like she's very mature. She was a very mature eight year old, because it was always her and her mom. No man around you know, it was just her and her mom.

Ayesha Chaney:

You know, she get it from being with her mother Get it from her.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, so it was always like it was never nothing where I had to come ask her anything. She is sad.

Ayesha Chaney:

Yeah, she's going to speak.

Tray Chaney:

And it was never nothing where she had to come ask me anything. I say it If you need to do something, you need to do something. And then if she had come back at me, then we got to go back and forth. She got to get in the middle of it. You know what I'm saying. We're not really taking sides, but the respect of me as her husband, as Tina's father, the only father that she knows.

Tray Chaney:

The man of the house that took care, that takes care of her. You know, even to this day, I mean, that's my daughter, she's 30 years old.

Chanel Scott:

Yeah, I hear you say it Our daughter. Yeah, I don't even care.

Tray Chaney:

You know, whatever she needs, she get.

Josh Powell:

How did you go about supporting the reason why I'm like I'm so interested in this is because so many of us are in this co-parenting, parents-in-situational situation, and healthy, no matter what it looks like, is what's of most importance. But just in your situation, you know how do you go about supporting him to now be that father figure? You know what I mean, because that is something that, no matter the platform, the people, the whatever I haven't come across that one like people to be able to properly discuss that part of it, because that's important to support.

Chanel Scott:

And at such a young age, yeah right.

Tray Chaney:

Because at 21, you still a child to a certain age.

Chanel Scott:

Yeah, you know, you still young, right.

Ayesha Chaney:

Yeah, certain things you know, but I just I tried to sit back. Once we got married, I tried to like sit back and let him lead, let him be the man of the house and let him handle a lot of those situations on his own. I didn't a lot of times I didn't get in the middle of it and they sound like my situation. Yeah, and they worked it out.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, it always got worked out. And one thing I have to say, like I said a lot of my ways as a man too, it does come from my father, my grandfather, saying how they stepped up, how they take care of their kids. And my grandfather was somebody you know Rest in Peace there me passed away in 2016, but he was somebody that would take in somebody else's child, and you know what I'm saying. Like, I picked up on it's a lot of stuff that I may have picked up on that I didn't even realize when it came to. You know, when me and Aisha got married, I had Tina as my daughter. This was before we had our son, Malachi.

Tray Chaney:

You know what I'm saying, who's 17 now, and but I just picked up on certain things, man, and really just say I'm here to step up as a responsible man, a responsible black man, and if, regardless of the circumstances, with her biological father, you never have to, you never have to come out of your mouth and call me a stepfather, I ain't even want to accept that title. I'm your father. You know what I'm saying.

Josh Powell:

To this day. I just truly appreciate, you know, to be able to hear that type of support. What does it look like when you know anything deal with your son is different because you know it is? You both created that right. But in regards to her, when she did have questions, how did y'all go about handling the information? In regards to dad or in regards to other feelings of upbringing are just different, because you know, naturally kids are going to ask questions.

Josh Powell:

When they get to a certain point, it's like all right, what's going on? You know what I'm saying.

Ayesha Chaney:

I think me and my daughter just actually recently had that conversation.

Tray Chaney:

Really they did.

Ayesha Chaney:

To where she's like. Well, I don't understand. Like where was he? What happened? She asked this question like that now, and you know like where did he go? Where did he disappear to? And just recently, like it was around her birthday, birthdays in April I had to sit down and have a conversation with her because he's now come back around and want to have a relationship with her.

Chanel Scott:

Wow, why now it was just, that's my question.

Tray Chaney:

But we but see, we had an issue.

Ayesha Chaney:

I had to, you know, I had to sit back and I had to let her, him and him handle that situation, because she's an adult, I'm not in that situation anymore, but I did sit down and have a conversation with her.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, because we and.

Ayesha Chaney:

I had to tell her what happened, why, and you know, and break it down to her.

Tray Chaney:

And I and this is something that I can definitely speak on when her biological father did decide to come back around at this age. I'm still not agreeing with that. I'm still kind of like you know packing that. You know what I'm saying and I mean, I'm just, you know, being honest on the podcast right now. I can really. I didn't show up to her birthday because of that.

Ayesha Chaney:

Was he there? Yeah, yeah, he was there.

Tray Chaney:

You know. So I had an issue with that. I'm like, wait a minute, I didn't have a choice at 21 to say, well, that's your daughter, I ain't raising her, she ain't my daughter. I'm just dealing with my wife and my son. I ain't had that choice. I've raised her all the way up until now. And then for you for you know, her biological father to come back around and to be like, oh yeah, now I'm like you looking at what I poured into, right, how beautiful she look, how she got money, whatever she need from me and her mother she got. And now you want to come back around and you, daddy, how was that conversation with him?

Josh Powell:

I didn't have a conversation with him. You did have a conversation with him.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah she wanted us to have a conversation, but that wasn't working with me.

Ayesha Chaney:

Yeah, I haven't been like that, yet Not yet.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, the conversation. I'm not ready for that yet, because my thing was what am I actually going to talk to you about? Right, what am I going to talk to you about without you know me raising my voice or having animosity or not, or disliking you because of, in the scenarios, this? I just couldn't understand how a man with a daughter could just be like, okay, a new man comes into the picture, I come into the picture and you just you never have no communication with your child's mother or your daughter ever. You don't know what type of man I am. I could have been terrible, you know what I'm saying. I could have been somebody out here doing harmful things to kids or whatever, but so that was my take on it. So, the conversation with me and him it hasn't happened. I don't know when it happened. You know what I'm saying I mean-.

Chanel Scott:

But don't you ask what is she saying.

Tray Chaney:

What is she saying? She was trying to understand why you don't want to. He came back around in my life and I'm like she ain't it Like it's-.

Ayesha Chaney:

Yeah, but she's the child trying to yeah, process it all, process it, and she wants it to be Me and him. You know she wants it to be one big family situation, one big family situation. She really does, she really does, she does, I mean because that's her personality, that's the type of person she is.

Josh Powell:

Yeah, so you think that that's forgiveness and grace?

Tray Chaney:

I mean I'm trying my best to get to that point.

Chanel Scott:

But was he having issues back then? I mean, what was his situation?

Ayesha Chaney:

I don't know, he was in her life for like maybe two years.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, because he didn't meet her until she was like two.

Ayesha Chaney:

He just disappeared, and then Now he's gonna disappear. He got locked up and then he got out when she was like hey, hey, and that was-.

Tray Chaney:

And that was it. And I even asked him I don't know, I asked him years ago. I'll never forget. I was just like what I think it was leading up to when she was getting ready to graduate.

Tray Chaney:

Her prom and graduation no no, no, it was during the time it was probably between the ages, when she was eight, between eight and ten. I think he had came to a birthday party or something and I think I had had a conversation with him like well, what was it about Aisha? Because I I mean, just being real, I'm sorry, I'm married to Aisha, you know, and Tina, this is your and he told me it was nothing with her. It was nothing, he just wasn't ready for a child. So when you Another child, another child, because he had another son already. But when you get those type of answers, it's like and we're actually very close to her brother.

Ayesha Chaney:

Her brother, yeah, Because you know his first child.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, and all of the rounds are all about functions and all of that, but so so. So that's why that's what takes me back to the whole forgiveness and gracing and I'm like, well, what am I going to speak to you about? About how I raised Tina and you wasn't there.

Josh Powell:

Or maybe you can take the time to ask some of those questions the questions. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, because it's nothing to your point. It's nothing that he can ask you about in regards to that.

Tray Chaney:

That's what I'm saying.

Josh Powell:

But as a buffer, because you had a household as a buffer. It's like, all right, but, darling, you want to have this conversation? Then help me understand how and what happened with this little girl.

Tray Chaney:

I think he wants to have the conversation and I might just be a little. I'm like nah, you can't even get around, you ain't even going to be in my presence, you, nah. But like I said, eventually that might happen. I hope it does. Yeah, I feel you, you know what I'm saying A lot of people feel today, a lot of people want that to happen, man and I just I got to get, I got to get all the way in that space because I don't know.

Josh Powell:

I feel like you in it. You want me to tell you why. Why? Because 20 something years ago you made a decision. Yeah, so you already took that on 20 something years ago, not even realizing that you was taking that on. Right, I feel you. You're doing it 100%. So you know what I'm saying. Like you doing, like it's really a beautiful thing, and I got to take my hats off to both of y'all, because this is like there's so many different.

Josh Powell:

I know me, my own personal, just wishing you can get that support. Wow, like consistently for one, for two, like from a genuine place. Yeah, right, yeah, but to your point, like I'm sure that if he was available, then it'll be like y'all could all do this thing. Right, because that's the energy that I'm getting. It's not like it ain't no, we ain't tripping, but you came into this situation like all right bet, like he ain't here. I got you. You know what I'm saying.

Josh Powell:

Yeah, but there are other situations where people are present and want to be there, and then you get this when you, when you shouldn't get this, and then you hear stories like this, like, for example, like mine in that room. I wish they could come in here and hear that you feel me All right, because you never really understand perspective as everything. And then you got somebody that wishes they knew. And now all of a sudden, it's like 20 something years later, here we are trying to figure out this, but then, hey, I'm dead because I've been on deck Like what we doing. Yeah, so I'm not. I'm not mad at you, I get it Like I get it and I get your stance on it. You know what I'm saying, but also think it's beautiful too, because she like yo, that's his thing and we, and that's hurt. You know what I'm saying.

Tray Chaney:

That's y'all's daughter, but technically, that's what I'm saying, but she's just like yo.

Josh Powell:

I'm this my husband. This is how we moving. You don't get that often, yeah. You know, what I'm saying and I just think that that's really, you know, a beautiful thing and that speaks to the connection in the club, that speaks to a lot of those things. Because it's like this this came together, but you know I'm I really hope and pray that whenever the time is right. Yeah.

Josh Powell:

But for sure, because I think you'll see her take that that next, wherever she's at in her life. You know what I'm saying Something that's good for her. I struggle, I know I got a lot of different situations. I could talk y'all head off about a lot of things on my end, but just thinking about, you know, having a conversation with my old man a couple of years ago you know what I'm saying my dad been in and out and it ain't been the healthiest, but I remember just telling him like, bro, it's nothing that you can give me as a man, but it'll be nice to have a man to go to If you just wanted to lean on somebody for a second, I shouldn't have to go to my my partners you know what I'm saying or wait till I get to church every Saturday in order to have certain conversation.

Josh Powell:

But me and my dad, but that relationship is there. I love brother death. I was nothing on him, but I tried to have a conversation, but at least I made the effort. Now, what you do with that, you do with it. I got you. You know what I'm saying. It's just something that we can just go and pass and just keep it.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, just keep it moving.

Josh Powell:

So I really do, I really do pray. You know what I'm saying.

Tray Chaney:

No, that's what's up, man, I appreciate that yeah.

Chanel Scott:

So you guys have been together for how many years 22.

Tray Chaney:

22. 22 years We've been married, going on 19. So that's a long time. So we've been married.

Chanel Scott:

What are the key ingredients to having a long, lasting relationship?

Tray Chaney:

Man, I'm telling you, we talk about this all the time and it's communication. And when I say communication, I'm talking about if I have an issue with something I have to tell her. I have to tell her immediately if I got an issue. Now I got to feel like this is what's happening. If she has an issue with me, she has to tell me, because in 2010, and it's the first time we're sharing this but in 2010, this was after we had been married Six. No, we got married in 2002.

Ayesha Chaney:

So that's how many years, it was seven. Eight years, yeah, 2010.

Tray Chaney:

We separated for one year in 2010.

Chanel Scott:

Wow, okay.

Tray Chaney:

Because of communication. I am the business at the time in me. As a man, I can put this on me. The business at the time just wasn't that going good for me, but I wasn't focused on. Okay, what's more important is business with my wife and my kids. I was more focused on. This business is now working for me. So I'm not happy with myself. So it made me just not happy with nothing, which wasn't a way to look at things. You know what I'm saying. I think that type of energy bringing it in the household, it rubs off on her. So now we both not really communicating or sharing what the issue is.

Tray Chaney:

So me in 2010, saying I think I should leave, she said, all right, I think you should too. And I left. And that's what you feel. And the crazy thing is, at the time, we were living in an apartment. Her apartment was here and me and my sister he got an apartment here next door. So if her apartment was 40, 15, my apartment was 40, 13. So I would see her walk out of the house with my son oh my God, I'm not kidding so I would see her walk out of the house with my son every morning.

Ayesha Chaney:

That is a silly thing. Hey, that'll get you back in the crib.

Josh Powell:

It did not.

Ayesha Chaney:

It did not.

Tray Chaney:

We argued bad for like a year. Why'd you let me leave? And she's like well, why'd you leave your family? So that was the argument. Why'd you let me leave Every other day? Why'd you tell me yeah, you can leave? I wanted you to be like no, don't leave, you know, but yeah, it was.

Josh Powell:

You know it's crazy you arguing from a place of what you saw growing up and then she did the same thing.

Ayesha Chaney:

Yeah because I grew up I didn't have a father when I you know was just like okay all right bye.

Josh Powell:

I'm good Process that immediately.

Tray Chaney:

Oh yeah, and I'm like that's what we doing and I'm like, nah, like you know, it was that easy. I'm like, oh, all right, well, I'm gonna pack my bag.

Ayesha Chaney:

He was packing his stuff up and I didn't even know how to do that.

Tray Chaney:

I didn't know how to. I did not have to pack. You know what I'm saying. I ain't know how to be like, oh yeah, I'm going to pack and I'm going to get out of here. I've never seen this like to this day. My father, my uncles, they like you really. You really did that back then. You packed and you step for you next door. You know what I'm saying and it was a constant. You know we. You probably will hear about my wife being out at places that we go to. She probably will hear about me being out.

Chanel Scott:

I was going to say how did y'all manage that with the apartments being right there?

Tray Chaney:

Well, we wouldn't see each other.

Ayesha Chaney:

I just like this with my head up oh my.

Tray Chaney:

God, yeah, it was, it was, it was ugly, and then some nights, you know I'd be drinking. I'm like yo, I'm ready to come home. She like talking crazy. No, I call and try to suss around and stuff. It was bad. We would cuss each other out and but. But until I'm telling you that that was a year.

Tray Chaney:

But then that year of me leaving was the year that I became, and I want to say who I am now, the hustler that I am in in getting into them with myself and understanding the more important things. Like I said, I was going through something where I didn't understand the downs of the business. Back then I'm like, yeah, everything up and then, whatever, everything go down. Then my my thinking switch and I get the trip and like man, I ain't nothing going right for me, but it's like Trev, you would have just. Okay, this is, this is what happens in this business. Your wife and your kids are the most important thing. You know what I'm saying. You know talk things out with your wife.

Tray Chaney:

I wasn't doing that, you know. It was just I had to understand a lot about myself and I guess I can sort of say too, living with my sister it was. It was like it's my own. I had my own place. You know what I'm saying. So it was like that for me. I just got a chance to really see but what it was like not to be in a house every day with with my wife, and then fast forward. After all of the smoke cleared and after all the arguments, she called me one night. It was in April of 2011. I'll never forget. I know that I'm good with dates. So it was April of 2011 and she says she couldn't sleep and my son at the time was at my apartment, me and my sister's apartment.

Ayesha Chaney:

He's still, don't even know we've separated.

Tray Chaney:

He thinks my son to this day, 17,. He knows, he knows now. He thought back then he had two places. He used to be happy like, oh yeah, I'm going.

Josh Powell:

I got two, I got two houses, you know whatever, two apartments.

Tray Chaney:

So he was with me at the time and she had called me in April 2011. She was like I can't sleep. And I was like, oh, you know, I still my wife, we, we always used to we get in a divorce, go sign the papers. We never signed papers, never got a divorce. So I walked next door and I'm like what's what's going on? I brought some, some, some drinks over there and I'm like come on, let's take a drink. And then we was just sitting here, we was taking a couple of shots or whatever, and we was just talking and I think the question came up why did we separate? Right, we was like, why do? Why do we separate? Like what, what do we? What do we do? What are we doing? We couldn't answer the question. I said never again, never again, I don't care what, I don't care what's happening.

Josh Powell:

Let me ask you this, because I know you know your daughter went through that already. Oh man, so no she, it was bad, that's what that's what I was going to ask.

Tray Chaney:

It got bad.

Josh Powell:

Yeah that, do you feel like that kind of got in the way of their relationship At first?

Tray Chaney:

at first. Well, now that I think back, yeah, leading up to that point, because she was a senior in high school too.

Tray Chaney:

Leading up to that point of being in teen is like and then I left four years, oh yeah, she, major trigger. She started calling me Trey. Oh wow, and I got it. I got it. I got into it where I'm like, if you ain't going to call me dad, don't ever call me Trey, call me nothing, don't say nothing. It just be like, hey, that's it. We used to. It used to. It got crazy because I'm like, yeah, I left, but now I'm back. You know what I'm saying. But it did. It did trigger her. I'm fine, that's fine. It triggered her, it triggered her, but that took a minute. It eventually all worked itself out. It worked itself out and we, like that night, I said I'm never leaving again, I wouldn't, I don't, and that's what a whole communication thing went out.

Tray Chaney:

When we first started talking about this, I was like I just need, I need to know what's going on, like, is it something that I can fix? Is it something that I'm doing? Okay, I feel like you doing this. Well, no, I'm talking, talking it out. You know, not going to bed without we would go a day in the house and not even say nothing to each other, and I used to be like I can't believe, like you know. But now the communication. For me, when you say, what's the key? It's the communication, it's the honesty, it's the being upfront, it's the respect, it's always, it's the consistently dating. We go out. We probably are in after going on 19 years of marriage. We hang out all the time. We party hard, we'll be party, we do whatever we go. We go, we go out of town. I mean it's almost like my girlfriend you know what I'm saying.

Tray Chaney:

She's like yeah, my best friend is like, oh yeah, and I'm always looking for ways to blow her mind in a sense, in a good way, like what can I do? Let me, let me surprise, because I like that. I love making my wife feel like she's appreciated, she wanted. You know, I'm constantly, always affectionate with her, I'm always on her. You know what I'm saying. And, yeah, that's what we at today, in 2023.

Josh Powell:

What are some things right 20 plus years in, yeah, what are some things that you both feel like, even 20 plus years in, that you could be better at, that you could work on Better at, because I think sometimes people have they hit this. You know they're coasting they get to a certain point.

Josh Powell:

And it is just my perspective, but I feel like we're forever learning and growing, until the day we're called home. You know what I mean. So if y'all could pick one thing, you know, what do you think it will be for you as a husband and as a father? And I would ask the same thing for you, wayne.

Tray Chaney:

All right, Keep biggest love at home, I think for me is being quicker to and I'm saying this from a recent thing being quicker to say if it's something that she really, really wants to do. Being quicker to be like okay, all right, yeah, this does make sense, let's do it. So, I think, being quicker to agree on certain things that do benefit and make sense for us, because sometimes I might have a delay.

Chanel Scott:

Why. If you know it's a good thing.

Tray Chaney:

Well, no, I'm going to give you a prime example. She rearranged our whole closet. My wife loves to build design. She can take this right now and make a picture out of it. She knows how to do everything right. So if I'm in that space of look, I don't feel like bringing all my clothes down and doing all this right now. I don't got time. If I could just be more like you know what, when you do have time, yeah, if I could just be like yeah, this makes sense, because my side of the closet is junky. So if I could just be more quick to say think better. If I could think about it more and say okay, this makes sense, let's do it, instead of giving her the run around, maybe for giving her and he quick to do it.

Ayesha Chaney:

I'm like he was doing his videos, his YouTube video. I said why don't you put the ring light over here so you can see better, instead of turning on the light up here?

Tray Chaney:

I said no.

Ayesha Chaney:

No.

Tray Chaney:

I'm good. No, I'm good, I got it already.

Ayesha Chaney:

I go upstairs to come out there and guess where the light at.

Tray Chaney:

I did the ring light, so if I could be quicker to just be like Is it a control? Thing. Yep, it's not really a control thing, because I'm not a controlling person. I'm not a controlling person.

Chanel Scott:

You don't like to be told what to do. He don't.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes I don't when something is working for me and I'm like it's not working. If I'm like yo this already working for me. Well it Half the stuff she says it eventually works out for me. So I got to be a little bit of control.

Chanel Scott:

You know, I take the long way. I take the long way I behave in her light.

Tray Chaney:

I behave in her light. She be like. She be like what you don't want to do this.

Ayesha Chaney:

I give you a better example of the long way. Go ahead, go ahead, spill it Getting ready to relocate. You know it takes a. It takes you like, literally like six months to prepare and get everything together. I mean finding schools, homes, department, whatever it is. Yes, he Still didn't pack up. This is like a month in when we Graylee he still hadn't packed up nothing, none of his clothes, nothing. I mean. I got stuff packed up in the dining room boxes.

Tray Chaney:

She pack out.

Ayesha Chaney:

Wait Nothing. Even a week before. That's when he started packing his clothes, and then I gave about two days before. Then it finally hit him like oh, we are leaving.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, that's another thing I want to touch on too.

Ayesha Chaney:

Then he started helping, trying to get stuff together, I'm just like what in the world?

Tray Chaney:

When I spoke about being more like in agreeing with her a little bit more because of the benefits, that was the thing we're moving. I was content with living in DC all my life and DMV. And sometimes it's men. We're like, yeah, we got everything under control. But when your wife or your significant other, your woman, jump you out there like on some real man stuff, like you already traveling to Atlanta three months at a time, we still here in DC. When you come back to DC, ain't too much going on with the field that you in acting music we need to relocate, it hit me. Nah, I'm good, I just go back out there. I was content with living in DMV she's the reason why we live here now and was successful after six and a half years. I had a crib built from the ground up three years ago, so and I wasn't on that back six years ago I was like, nah, I don't want to move.

Chanel Scott:

So it's safe to say women, women knows best.

Tray Chaney:

She had potential. She seen potential in me that I didn't see at myself at the time. She like I know what you'll get out in Atlanta. I know you Now as a father please don't forget them.

Josh Powell:

What will be one thing as a father?

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, that you feel like at this point, probably the same thing, because when my kids say certain things even my son and my daughter I'm like, hey, wait a minute, I got everything figured out, hearing them more as a father, just hearing their thoughts on things and getting down to the bottom of whatever it is, instead of having that little piece of control that I have sometimes.

Chanel Scott:

Well, at least you can admit it. Yeah, now I can admit it. First step to recovery.

Tray Chaney:

Yeah, so I got a little bit of it, you know, and I'm working on it. It's getting better. What about you, queen?

Ayesha Chaney:

I guess allowing them me saying them, my son and him to do more physically in the house. That's it. Oh yeah, Because they might catch me in the house moving a flat screen off the wall.

Tray Chaney:

And that's just like with the closet. I'm like, but I love the closet. Now it's amazing. I'll be showing it off. I did my side first.

Ayesha Chaney:

And then he was like I see, so we get right started. He was like nah, I'm good.

Tray Chaney:

So we just want to have half a closet. I said no, we could do it in a couple of weeks when I get back in time, because I travel and she like, she like. No, it only takes a day to put this up. I can show you why not. I don't want to do it right now.

Chanel Scott:

You got to spend one time convincing him.

Ayesha Chaney:

No, because then I just go, I just go do it, and she do it.

Tray Chaney:

And I see her and I be like I ain't going to let her do this by herself. I know she ain't going to be able to lift that. So I know eventually I'm going to have to get thrown out there and say, ok, I got to lift this up for her. Can you bring this upstairs? I'm like all right, but I don't feel like it. But I'm going to do it.

Chanel Scott:

Well, guys, this was an amazing conversation. That's our show. I appreciate it. Trey and Aisha Chaney Relationships matter. The podcast.