Relationships Matter Live

Crystal Renee Hayslett: Unveiling Personal Evolution and Navigating Relationships in the Spotlight

• Chanel Scott and Josh Powell

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Ever wondered how the allure of high-status dating might shape your understanding of love? Join Chanel Scott, Josh Powell, and the effervescent Crystal Renee Hayslett as we traverse the shifting sands of personal boundaries and expectations in relationships over the decades. Our heart-to-heart reveals the personal evolution from the freedom-fueled dating scenes of our 20s to a more introspective journey in our 30s and 40s, uncovering how past heartaches inform our search for genuine connections in the present.

Navigating the limelight brings its own set of challenges, and we don't shy away from the gritty details. Privacy, trust, and fame form a complex triangle that Crystal, with her insider perspective, helps us unpack. We share behind-the-scenes insights on maintaining discretion in the public eye, navigating on-screen intimacy with grace, and the importance of a supportive circle of friends. It's a candid discussion about the intricate dance of personal and professional relationships within the glare of public scrutiny.

This episode isn't just about looking outward; it's a profound inward journey as well. We expose the transformative power of setting boundaries, embracing vulnerability, and healing from past pains. The compelling origin story of Crystal's "Keep It Positive, Sweetie" podcast anchors our conversation, illustrating the beauty of fostering safe spaces for personal reflection and growth. Join us in this deeply personal dialogue as we uncover the steps toward self-acceptance, the art of navigating life's intricacies with grace, and the inspiring process of creating communities that champion love, healing, and growth.

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Opposing experiences, a single woman and a married man, Chanel Scott, and Josh Powell, create a powerful and empathetic team, offering valuable insights and advice on navigating the complexities of romantic relationships and promoting healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Join Chanel and Josh as they unlock the secrets of successful relationships one conversation at a time.


Speaker 1:

I'm Chanel Scott, the queen of relationship talk.

Speaker 2:

I'm Josh Powell, two-time NBA champion.

Speaker 1:

I've journeyed from trauma to healing.

Speaker 2:

From the NBA to family, I've learned what really matters.

Speaker 1:

We've come together to unlock the secrets of successful relationships.

Speaker 2:

One conversation at a time.

Speaker 1:

One conversation at a time. Welcome to Relationships. Man of the Podcast. I am Chanel Scott.

Speaker 2:

And I am Josh Powell.

Speaker 1:

And we have an amazing episode for you guys. We have a very special guest, my special guest. I'm going to take ownership of that, even though I had nothing to do with it. But we have Miss Crystal Renee Hazlett. Welcome to Relationships Matter. Thank you, thank you both, for having me.

Speaker 3:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

Of course, this is like one of those bucket list items for me, so you got to excuse me. Just look past me. I'm going to have some fun. I'm excited to be here. We are about to have some fun. So this episode was inspired by your episode of dating in your 40s, right? Is that the proper title? That is yes, that is it. But what I wanted. I wanted to do a little spin on that, right, because you talked about dating in your 40s and what that experience was like. But then we've dated in our 30s, we've dated in our 20s, and I want to talk about the differences, like in terms of boundaries. What types of boundaries have you loosened up on? What types of boundaries have you put in place from the age of 20 to now 40? So let's talk about your 20s. Oof Over against what we're doing today.

Speaker 3:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

What was different when you were in your 20s?

Speaker 3:

In my 20s I was still searching for who Crystal was. You know, I'm from a small town and then I moved to DC yes, big city. So much more to do, a lot more distractions, and I think in that time I was a little more loose, you know, because I was. It's almost like letting me out the cage, like finally I'm free, you know, like mom and dad are way, far, far away and I can have fun. It was so much to do in DC. I wasn't as guarded as I am now. Ok, I've always been a woman of faith, raised in the church, so they always say a child, even when I was like the prodigal daughter like you're going to go away, but you always come back to what your parents instilled in you.

Speaker 3:

And I hit a wall in DC and I was like I got to find a church home. Like I was just going to work, going to work, going to clubs, like just hanging with all the wrong people. And I found a church home and actually the daughter of the pastor of the church that I went to. We're still a really good friends to this day. But that was the moment where I realized I need to make some changes. You know, just heartbreak after heartbreak and just wondering, like why does this keep happening to me? I was attracting the same type of guy every single time, and that started in college. Like I was attracting the same type of guy from college through my 20s.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

What was that decision based on? I'm sorry, I just because you were talking about attracting the same type of guy. So what was that, you know, decision based on? What were the qualities that these young men were having?

Speaker 3:

Well, I dated my first millionaire in college. So it was like when you're exposed to that at such a very young, vulnerable age, you're constantly chasing that you know what I'm saying Somebody that can provide, somebody that can take you on trips and buy you all these lavish gifts. And then you start to think like this is what love is, this is what relationships are supposed to be like. If you can't do this for me, then I want that like I need this, and I continue to attract that. I continue to attract the guy who had all the money but wasn't faithful, you know. And you get to a point where you feel like and I think I mean I can't speak for all women, but I feel like we've all been in a position where we allow certain things to happen as long as the man did what we wanted, as long as you get me what I want. But that's a very immature mindset and I can definitely say I was like super immature at that age.

Speaker 1:

I can identify with your story in the sense of, first of all, six foot one. In high school I was awkward. But when I went to college, my life changed overnight. Right, and because I'm six foot one, I'm attracting the athletes. And I got my heart broke by my first athlete. He was a college ball player, but my mindset was I'm going to get better than you.

Speaker 1:

So then I started on this path of I'm going to do a professional athlete and that's what it's going to be. And if it's not that, then I'm not going to do it and I need to get better than you. And I need to get better than you, and you better than you. You want to top the next, you want to top the next, right. So, just going through that pattern and not faithful, but in my mind it was like you know, it became the norm for me. You know what I'm saying? Until I had to, like, take a look, going into the thirties and saying, okay, do you want to still continue to go down this path? Do you still want this to be like your journey? Do you still want to continue to be treated in this way?

Speaker 3:

Yes, yeah. So saying yeah, 30 is something sweet.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, Something switched so in your thirties. What was different?

Speaker 3:

in my thirties, I had a sense of self identity. You know, I had moved to Atlanta when I was 26. And I started finding my purpose. I, at that point, I knew what I wanted, or you know what I'm saying. It changes, you know. I think a lot of people feel like what you, whatever you said in your mind in that moment, is what you're going to want forever. We're constantly evolving. So what I was attracted to at 30, I'm not attracted to. I'm attracted to my forties.

Speaker 3:

You know, and I think it's important to allow yourself to grow, give each version of yourself grace. You know, because sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves for where we are in the present, not knowing that we're just learning as we go.

Speaker 2:

So I thought about something, as you said, like from thirties going into forties, but what did you bring from your twenties into your thirties?

Speaker 3:

Oh, what did I bring from my twenties? At that point, I think I brought in. Well, I left a lot of things in my twenties as far as being more intentional about my friends and my circle.

Speaker 3:

I was more intentional about who I let in my space. I became more guarded than I was in my twenties. I was such a free spirit and I still am to an extent but I'm so much more guarded than I was in my twenties. I brought back my foundation with God. I made sure that was in the forefront in my thirties and forward and in life. There was moments where I may have not been going to church every Sunday, or you know what I'm saying, the things that we practice now when we're super intentional about that walk, but that was always at the forefront. What else did I bring into my thirties? I brought more knowledge. You know knowledge from every experience. I try to take everything and learn from it, because a lot of times we can go through things and in my 20s I was constantly repeating the cycle, not learning the lesson, just thinking, okay, this, this, this is going to be different.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no, it's this you're doing the same thing.

Speaker 3:

It's not going to change.

Speaker 1:

What experiences did you have that made you so guarded? Like what was it? You know, because you said I was a free spirit and so I became more guarded. Did something happen?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I dated a very hot still to this day I'm not going to give you the name, but I mean it's public but top five in the league NBA player still to this day he is and people completely missed. I've never been in the light like that. You know, like I've always been like just the girl. I was working on my own things. I was still working on music, working on being an actor, and to see like how the Blas can literally tear you down and not know who you are or not even like know the truth about the subject matter. They're just like making up stuff.

Speaker 3:

And I was like dang, like I knew then and that was the moment I unfollowed all the blog sites because I was on the receiving end of it. There was a point in my life where I'd wake up every morning see what was going on media. There was like media takeout and all those sites around. I'm like what are they talking about today? And me and my girls would talk like girl, you saw what just happened. When you wake up and you're in the headlines and it's like that is not even true. It's the most hurtful thing. And I think in that moment I began to guard my relationships like closer, and that's when I came up with you know what I'm going to nurture and take in. Keep things private versus just letting everybody know what I'm doing.

Speaker 2:

Outside of keeping things private. What are some things that you learned in that process, because I think that's important to write. You may not live the type of life that you live, but any type of public embarrassment or your business the narrative being told without anybody asking of your part of the story. So I think this can help a lot of people. But for you, what were some of the things that you had to overcome? Or maybe it was some people that you was like, oh, that's what you're all on, or whatever.

Speaker 3:

Because the crazy thing is, when you read those things and some of the stuff, you're like, wait a minute, this is like two, like certain things. You're like I know I shared this with a personal friend and you're like you'd like somebody, like somebody somewhere went back and said what I said and completely twisted it. So it was like I remember having this conversation. But there's things that may happen in a relationship. Say me and your relationship, and you're my best friend. I may be like, girl, this is what we went through or this is what we did today, and it may have been something that you were doing with a big brand that was top secret. But I'm just telling my friend, oh yeah, we had this big Nike shoot. And then it turns out that, oh yeah, she was running around telling everybody about this Nike shoot. There was a big. You know what I'm saying? I'm talking about things that could have cost this person millions of dollars, and it wasn't even my no malicious intentions I would y'all do today. Oh girl, we had this big Nike shoot.

Speaker 3:

And then it turns into a whole story and I'm like that's not. And then you're looking at me crazy, like why'd you? I was like, no, I was just telling my friend what happened, like not to be put in the blogs. And then you start looking at everybody around you crazy Like who's you know what I'm saying Leaking this stuff, and then you stopped trusting people. So for me, that was one thing that I took from it is to hold things close to your chest and talk to people that you know like can't by law, can't tell your business, you know, until you know, if it comes out, you know who it was. Because I was just thinking everybody's happy for me and everybody's not happy for you. They want to be where you are. They want to be with the person you're with and learn. That's another thing I learned. Everybody's not happy for you. I learned that you have to also be careful of how people are connected to them, treat you because it's all good and then until they realize, oh, he really likes this girl then, everybody's like.

Speaker 3:

I don't like her no more.

Speaker 3:

So you got to, yeah. So there was a lot of those things and everybody's thinking, oh, you're a gold digger, you're this and this, and that. It's crazy because everything I'm doing now is what I was pursuing then, like I was never trying to live off of anybody, I was always a go getter trying to get my own. And now he's like dang, I'm so pretty Like you really did it. I was always trying to do it, and then it happened, but people put all these labels on you for whatever reason, and it's like I'm not that person. It's really hurtful because I don't have like a vicious bone in my body and then for people to like put these labels on you was like a very hurtful space and really just kind of started staying to myself after that.

Speaker 1:

Even as I listened to you tell your story, I can hear the preparation for what I see, as far as TV I see, but I hear it then Right, and I thought about that, like when he asked that question, I was like I was in preparation for it.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I heard that.

Speaker 1:

So, with everything that you experienced, how do you even do you have new friends or you just stick with your day ones? How does that go?

Speaker 2:

We're going to let her answer that that's good, we'll get back Relationships matter to podcasts Welcome back to relationships matter. The podcast.

Speaker 1:

So we have miss crystal haslet and you guys know her from the team and sisters, so I want to get back into my questions. So my first question I was asking is how do you choose friends today, or do you just stick with day ones? What does that process look like?

Speaker 3:

You know what? I have some amazing girlfriends. I really do. I have some day ones and I have women that I've met along the way and right now I feel like this is the safest group of women. We are all like minded Shout out Pastor Darius Daniels. He always says find sober minded friends and friends that are going to get on the floor with you Like it's your worst moments. And I can honestly say that every person, even my male friends, everyone that's around me, I genuinely feel like they're like here for me for the right reasons, because as you continue to climb and your star continues to ascend, you do have to be very careful about the people that you let around you. You know, because everybody's not doesn't have your best interest at heart, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

I noticed one of your friends.

Speaker 3:

Keanu Watson, she did.

Speaker 1:

I have another show that was on Fox, so did relationship talk and she and her husband was on my show and I know she's a good friend of yours.

Speaker 3:

I just talked to her the other day. I love Keanu Absolutely.

Speaker 1:

So I want to pivot this conversation. So before I knew of Sisters of Team, I was very familiar with DeVal and Kadeem and I watched them. They were social media influencers before he was ever on the show. And so when I first watched the show before I grew to be like this big fan of yours.

Speaker 1:

I was like, how is that working? Like I'm having a hard time deciphering the difference. I know that he is very you know public with his relationship and we got to know them on social media as a couple. And then to see the show the show was very intimate, yes, Right, yeah. How do you guys balance that? And then I even look at some of the comments on his post. Not so much now. Yeah, They've calmed down a lot. Yeah, it was bad, but before people was like you, cheating on your life man.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, how do you guys balance that? I remember the first time I had a kissing scene with DeVal.

Speaker 3:

And it was like right when Tyler had written our characters together and I remember even reading the script, I was like why did he put me in Zach together? Like it didn't. Like it's so good though, yeah, it totally makes sense now, but I didn't get it. I was like you could have wrote some fine Darcy, yeah, you know I'm thinking of like what crystal won't. I was like, okay, whatever. So we started working together. Covid hit quarantine, happened. All the shows come to a halt. We're in quarantine. So he was still living in California. We're FaceTiming, starting to run lines. Because this is like my first big gig. So I'm like I want to they call me Crystal Renee run it hazelit, because as an actor, do you want to run lines, which is rehearsing? So, like Crystal always wants to run it.

Speaker 3:

You want to run it, you want to run it. So we were running lines just trying to get our chemistry together and then we finally get the call. Hey, we're going to. Tyler created this bubble for a shout out TP. We were the first studio to come back to work during the quarantine because he built a bubble where we had to stay on campus. Like super grateful for that, because so many people were struggling during that time and he gave us an outlet to be creative and to continue to make a living.

Speaker 3:

But we had a kissing scene and you would have thought I was on the playground as a fifth grader kissing my first little crush and like I was literally like I was 30, some years old, Like I've definitely kissed people before, but it was something about kissing the married man that I just could not like. Separate Zach, the character, and DeVal, kadeen's husband. So he calls Kadeen and he's told this story before. He's like can you please tell this girl it's okay to kiss me and she's like girl, you better kiss him. We need these checks to clear and you know I after that I was like all right, it was still weird.

Speaker 3:

It got easier over time because I had to learn how to stop judging the character, as if Crystal is the one kissing a married man. It's not Crystal. This is Fatima and Zach, not Crystal and DeVal. And once I was able to let that go and even stop judging her, because a lot of actors have the tendency to put themselves in the position of the character. You're like that's, you wouldn't do that, but that's okay. Somebody out here is living this life, just play the character. And from that from me getting comfortable and not judging the character comes so much judgment from our audience and fans of DeVal and Kadeen separately, you know, because they had an amazing fan base before DeVal, like you said, before he even came on the show, and because we do our job very well. People like this is a little too real.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like it is, yeah, no, like literally, like it's uncomfortable sometimes for people to watch.

Speaker 3:

But because we tapped into that and decided, hey, I'm going to play this as if you are the person I'm really in love with, because that's what the part we're playing, it became very believable for people, even to the point where Tyler was like I like this. And then we got our own show. You know what I'm saying. If I had a half ass that role or had not committed to it, I wouldn't have my own show, you know. So it was really hard because people were saying things based off of my work you know what I'm saying and saying like, dang, I really believe y'all like hats off to y'all for really like committing to that part.

Speaker 3:

It was like, nah, like they were literally pouring their own insecurities on a character. But then it started to like come at me in my own personal integrity and character, you know, and it was super hurtful and DeVal and I talked about it and he was like I'm gonna like, cause he would like DeVal, he's just has a big heart, he wants to just shine light on everybody and he was like I'm gonna like, pull back on, like posting you and stuff, because you're always gonna get the grunting of this stick. He was like nobody's gonna come at Kadeen. You know what I'm saying? It's always gonna be about you. He said nobody's gonna come at me and he was like because they cannot get past, that's not your wife.

Speaker 1:

We went to New York. Why is? But why is society like that, Even in a real life situation, right? Why does the woman get the run into the stick.

Speaker 3:

I don't know what that's about. It's always, you know, I don't know, I don't understand, and we are like the most fragile, like we're so strong but like on the inside, we're the ones that are supposed to be protected and I feel like most of the time we're not and we have to deal with those things on our own, like in our own time, isolated, where, when nobody sees it, you know, and I would see those comments at home, like sitting at home, and I'm like that's not who I am.

Speaker 3:

Like this is my job Right.

Speaker 1:

Now what? Are you in a relate? I'm sorry, josh, you know, were you in a relationship? I was gonna ask you, how does that? And then I'm gonna pivot, I'm gonna let you. Then I'm gonna let you, I'm gonna let you finish, you're gonna let you finish, but like in a relationship, like where have you been in a relationship while you've had this show and, if so, how does it impact? Like your real life relationship.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, you know, for the majority of me shooting sisters and the team, I have not been in a relationship. I just recently had one this year and he was very secure in himself, you know, and he wouldn't watch those scenes, you know, but he was like very supportive of my career and understood that's your job. You know what I'm saying. Like he wasn't insecure about that at all. But I will say that I was single for a long time because a lot of men couldn't handle that. They like I don't wanna see you on camera kissing another man. I don't care if it is fake, I don't care if, like, you're having sex and you're cause people don't understand. Like it was to a point where I was like if I do date somebody, I'm gonna. I had to bring them to set so they can actually see. Oh okay, like I have a whole yoga mat cut out in the shape of a pad. You know what a maxi pad looks like.

Speaker 3:

I literally have a yoga mat cut out in the shape of that in between my legs, so there's no simulation at all. And then he has a sock on and he's completely taped down Like he can't even if, like, his mind went there. He can't even like there's no physical way that it can even come up.

Speaker 3:

So like, and then I'm not on top of him you know what I'm saying. Like I may be on his stomach or on his thighs, but we're never crossing that line and we have intimacy coordinators that are making sure like nothing's touching. Cause I'm very big on that. I don't want, I don't care who it is. Like, I want to make sure that, like I'm protected, they're protected because men can like there's women that on set that may take advantage of a man and there's men that may take advantage of a woman. And you're in the act of acting and you feel something like wait a minute now. Like this is not what we're doing.

Speaker 3:

You know, that can be very uncomfortable. So I'm just grateful that when we have intimacy coordinators that protect us but we like put there's so many different like things that people don't see. But the way that camera angle is just like wait a minute, they're really doing it. And like I remember the first time I had to like give head on TV and Tyler was like call me, he's like Josh is like what I had to give him on TV and I was like I mean, don't make it look like.

Speaker 3:

I said, am I going like under the covers or something, cause I don't want to. You see my head. Just you know he was like he's like Chris, you know, I got you, I'm not about to have you looking crazy. I said okay, so I didn't know that here's a little TV secret. When we had to go, every six thing that we have on the script, we have a meeting with our intimacy coordinator to choreograph it. So she was like so she's like, this is what you do when you give him head on TV. And I was like what she said? You just do the alphabet with your head. So you let it go.

Speaker 1:

Ah, okay, oh, okay, in the direction.

Speaker 3:

It makes it look like from the but you're not doing anything. Like you're like. Yeah, you're like, this far from the person, like you're not even touching them. Okay, yeah, it's like, but it's all at angles and the way they capture it.

Speaker 1:

How they capture it, Like it's nothing sexy about it. I think that was my first episode that I've seen.

Speaker 3:

It was a team when he did it.

Speaker 1:

I was like did he do it?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, no, like he was. No, he was like here. He was nowhere near here. It was crazy. That was a very uncomfortable scene For me. I was like Tyler, you better shoot this right.

Speaker 1:

Josh what. The floor is yours, sir ABCs.

Speaker 2:

We're going to have more and when we come back, relationships matter to podcast. We'll see y'all in a minute.

Speaker 3:

I need a break.

Speaker 1:

Welcome back to relationships matter, the podcast. So before we went to break my partner over here, he had some questions for Ms Crystal. Sir, the floor is yours.

Speaker 2:

Well, because I know y'all going to get back into it.

Speaker 1:

I know, because I'm sorry.

Speaker 2:

I just I love Crystal, but I think something is good for the viewers right, just from a healing standpoint. Can you speak on positive privacy in regards to your life?

Speaker 2:

That is so that is such a great question, josh, because you talked about how you went through all of these different things and you had to. You know, I don't want to say learn the hard way, because it's just some things just happened. And there was innocence, you know, on your part, or maybe it was innocence on somebody else's part, who knows? But I think it's important to share with people how to navigate in that space, not just with your personal, but even with friends or family. Like, what does that look like based off of the things that you've been able to learn?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, it's funny you asking that because the last relationship I was in. I've been practicing privacy in my relationships since that situation, and that was in 2000. 2010? Yeah, 2010, through like 2015. That's when I was really learning what privacy really was in relationships and how to look, because we live in such a let's take pictures and put it on Instagram type of world where I was like I'm not doing that until I have a husband. And I remember the guy was dating and he was like I mean, why are we taking pictures? Like it's not you gonna post it? And I was like so it let me know that that was deep down the side of his issue. You know, even though you talk to your partner and say, hey, this is how I feel about relationships, I want to protect this.

Speaker 2:

That's unfortunate.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I want to protect it and keep it safe, because once people think they can, they can take outside judgment until it starts happening. And then you start second guessing everything, which you in most times is not even true, like you know what you have in the relationship with the person, but you allow these outside thoughts and voices to come into your relationship and then it ruins things. And, like you said, I mean, I did have to learn that the hard way and even with like family friends, people asked me like they said oh, I didn't know you even had a brother and two sisters. I protect my family too, you know, and it's like I'm not hiding them you know, but they didn't sign up for this.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 3:

You know what I'm saying. They didn't sign up for my life. They didn't sign up for everything to be in the public eye. And because I do give so much and I love my fans and I want them to feel the love that they give me back, even though I can't like physically talk to every one of them individually, I try to make sure that I've let them all know that I appreciate them and give as much as I can without giving my whole life, because you feel like you're just, like I have nothing to myself.

Speaker 3:

You know, so you have to pick and choose. All right, these are my boundaries. We talked about boundaries. These are my boundaries. Like this is where I draw the line my relationships, my family and I'll share certain things. I'm just not going to plaster them all over the place, you know, but some some people kind of take even friends will talk if you don't post them or tag them. They take it as not supporting. You know, when lots of time you're not even thinking about it, like I have a million things on my mind. I've got calls and managers like you got to do this and need this deadlines. You know that I'm trying. I'm one person trying to do all this stuff, but everybody's living in a what about me? World.

Speaker 1:

Let me ask you this Is there a difference between being private and secret?

Speaker 3:

Absolutely. It's a big difference and I tell you all the time like I'm not hiding anything. If you see me on public, like if I was hiding I wouldn't go nowhere, you know like I'd be trying to like duck and dodge everybody. But I go out, people see me out. I'm not trying to hide it, I show affection, like I'm not like the whole my hand. We go in here, you go in this door, I'm going to go out this door. Like that's secrecy, you know, to a whole another extent. Or like not telling people that you're in a relationship. I feel like that's being secret. You can say, yes, I'm in a relationship, but they don't have to know who it is. You know. Like that's just how I feel.

Speaker 2:

But even if you do get married, does that mean that you'll be a little bit more open, or will you still hold? You know what I mean, because, for example, Charlemagne right, this man will post every other woman but his wife. You know what I mean.

Speaker 3:

I wouldn't know if I saw her walking down the street.

Speaker 2:

But on the flip side, you know, he talks about his wife all the time and even with his kids, like it's just. I think everybody to get this perspective is just super important, because some people will be very judgmental and they're like, well, you ain't posting that, it must mean you don't love her because or whatever. But I've seen it where. I've seen people post and I'm like bro, I know how you moving. That's crazy Some people post for the disclaimer, but I'm gonna shut up. Oh, that was good, Uh-uh Josh.

Speaker 1:

That was good. I was gonna get your take. That was good, I was gonna get your take, I was gonna take your take.

Speaker 3:

I was gonna take your take and he was like what are your thoughts? Yeah, but if I do get married, that doesn't mean I'm gonna like immediately just start like plastering. I like the way Issa Rae did it, Like you didn't even know she was in a relationship until she was like in a wedding dress, Like I'm married.

Speaker 1:

I didn't know she was married. Yes, yeah, by me, okay.

Speaker 3:

And another example that I love. I love how Carrie Washington is Like she does not post anything about, but we know who she's married to. Like we see them, when we see them, but it's like and they're both okay with that, you know. But you have to find somebody that's okay with that and hear for the right reasons, because sometimes I feel like when people are worried about that, it makes me especially in the position I'm in. It makes me look like what are you really here for? Are you trying to hit for?

Speaker 3:

cloud, Like you know, like, you start to look at the person sideways because are you? What's on my Instagram Like? So we saw my Facebook Like. Seriously, you know, and I've been that girl where I'm like why we can't like. But now that I'm in a different position in my life and matured and understand the importance of sacredness and protecting your people that you love, that's a part of it, because we live in a vicious world and it's a lot of Twitter and Facebook and Instagram gangsters out here that just hide behind a computer and talk shit about people all day.

Speaker 1:

So you're 40s? Yes, we are in our 40s, so what is your love here? Okay, what is the difference in your 40s that you didn't experience? What difference is that you didn't experience in your 30s?

Speaker 3:

Oh child, I can't stay up, can't stay up, I'll be tired. No, like, seriously, I could not hang like I used to. Like I went out the other night strike is over now and we were out to like two in the morning celebrating and I'm still struggling. That was two days ago. So that was like the immediate shift. I was like oh wow.

Speaker 3:

But I remember I had this huge birthday party that I threw myself and everybody was like Christy, you just married yourself. This was like a wedding. And I was like, no, I just want everybody to have fun. And it was just an amazing night. And but I woke up the next morning and it was an immediate shift in my mind. In my 30s, I remember, just allowing, I had this one guy in particular that I dated and because it was easy, you know, like he had a situation and wasn't married, but he had like a high school sweetheart that wasn't going anywhere, but I could see when I wanted to get what I wanted and I was like, okay, this is easy because I'm busy, my career's taken off, like I don't need to be tied down. So it worked.

Speaker 2:

What was it that you wanted? What was it that you wanted? Freedom, okay.

Speaker 3:

Freedom and what I needed, what I needed, it Okay. And you said something Okay. But I had to realize, you know, sometimes I think also because I wasn't getting what I wanted like I'm a hopeless romantic at heart and because I wasn't getting what I wanted, I started to settle for what I'm like Okay, this is okay. And I can attest to being the type of woman that started to make myself believe that I was okay with being by myself. You know what I'm saying. Because it wasn't coming, I would literally say it's okay, I'll be like Oprah, I'm just going to get this money and find me a statement and we going to be good, or I just won't have any children, I'll be okay, Like I'm fine.

Speaker 3:

And that was me trying to like psych myself out to be okay with the circumstances and not being like All right, God, if this is what you have for me, God, you know what I really want. I'm going to allow you to bring this to me. I started to literally like control my mind and say I don't want these things. Okay, I'm cool with this guy. You understand I'm doing what he another kept checking them ball players.

Speaker 3:

He was a ball player and look at.

Speaker 3:

God, look, I have been delivered. Thank you, jesus, I've been delivered. But um, and it's funny, on paper he was everything you know, like vegan, had his money right, business and affairs in order, no, kids, just had a dog. You know it was like, oh, this is great Beautiful home on the South side, out the way, and like even him like wasn't hiding me, like we would have dates in the city, like it wasn't like and she just knew what it was, you know, never wanted to get married and I was like All right, and I'm in my mind like I don't know if I want to get married either.

Speaker 1:

And.

Speaker 3:

I was also thinking deep down inside I can make him leave her like he ain't committed to her yet, so like she's just thank you, yes, thank you delivered.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, because that's a real fun fact.

Speaker 3:

Yes, thank women thinking they can change. And he was honest. I think that's part of it too. Like he's like it's something to be aligned with me in my face, like I actually had like respect for him. So I'm like you're telling me the truth. This is a girl that you just feel loyal to because y'all came out the mud together and you know what I'm saying. You feel a sense of loyalty to her, but you've been honest with her too.

Speaker 3:

And I finally woke up one day and I was just like I don't want to do this anymore. And y'all, literally like two days after my birthday I'm good friends with um Dami Wilkins and he is OT. He's like y'all, we got a big game. This is when Brani and Bryce were playing and he was like um, we got a big game, y'all should come. I was like all right, cool. So I'm like signing in at the table, getting my bands and stuff and like, literally, this voice like is like in my ear and my body just was like oh, like who is it? And it was him. I said devil, I know you ain't trying to try me. Two days after my 40th, like we walking into a new season, get the behind me. I was like we're not doing this.

Speaker 2:

So, to that point, shifting gears when we get back, I want to ask you about some good mental and emotional health practices, because I hear the growth in your, in your voice and in your story. When we get back, relationships matter. The podcast.

Speaker 1:

Welcome back to Relationships Matter, the podcast. So before we went to break Joshua, you had a question for Crystal.

Speaker 2:

Man for my folks that's on this journey, lord knows, myself included, but this conversation has been really beautiful and just starting by talking about younger you to, as you continue to grow and evolve and where you are now, what are some of the practices that you use to have a healthier, you know, emotional and mental space, like, what are you doing for your wellness?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, for me. This year I found the right therapist. I always tell people the story the first time I realized I needed therapy.

Speaker 2:

Can you say it one more time? Because typically people say, yeah, I found my therapist, but that's big that you said the right one. Yeah, because I feel like that's why, especially people that look like us, that's a lot of the reason why people don't go to therapy is that one sit down that didn't go well and it ruined it for everybody, you know everything else, so I'll let you go ahead.

Speaker 3:

Definitely I'm finding the right one. And when I say the right one, I always encourage people to something like dating, like find it, like talk to several different therapists to see which one really fits you. You don't just jump into, like, a relationship, you don't settle down with one person without being like, okay, let me. There are a few people who be like I don't like that, I like this, like that, okay, you're the one because you encompass all these things. So I had a therapist last year that just didn't we didn't jail, you know and I realized I wasn't being honest with her because I just didn't feel the safe space, you know. So this year I found a therapist Shout out to my manager DeNora.

Speaker 3:

She introduced me to Dr Delayna Zimmerman and, when I tell you, completely changed my life, changed the way that I look at myself. She helped me, unpack things because as we get older, if we haven't talked to someone, we've developed habits since childhood that we carried on through our whole lives, and especially in the black community, or particularly in the black community, we've been taught house business is house business and whatever happens in this house stays in this house and sometimes it's not the best situations and you just have suppressed that your entire life. You picked up behaviors from your, from people that raised you, not realizing why you are the way you are.

Speaker 2:

What's one of the hardest things you've had to unpack.

Speaker 3:

For me, the hardest thing was me even just reliving my childhood. I felt I opened up about it on my Get To Know Me episode where I talked about just how harsh it was talked about contemplating suicide. And it wasn't until I did my podcast that I even ever said it out loud that there were times where I would literally sit in my floor as a teenager wanting to kill myself and what was driving that?

Speaker 3:

Just the honestly. It was just the environment that I was in and always feel like happy, perfect. And then I ended up being this adult. It wasn't until literally like last year that I stopped pursuing perfection, like I became a control free because I had to have control of everything, because everything had to go like this. Because it didn't go like this, you're going to like everything's going to fall apart and I didn't realize I was probably running so many people away just from having like from that little girl, never releasing that. And it was finding a therapist, finding time, because I'm so busy finding time to just be still.

Speaker 3:

So I took on yoga and within yoga I literally learned to listen to my thoughts and it also made me appreciate every breath, because if you're not breathing, you can't move. And as I'm making these moves and going through the flow, I realized I'm like out of breath and I'm like it's hard in the beginning and then it starts to get easier. But it gets easier because you learn how to breathe and you learn how to listen to your body and it was pushing me, but it was also pushing me mentally, you know. So I do that for my wellness. I take time to journal in the mornings, pray.

Speaker 3:

Right now I'm reading the Bible all the way through and that's even helping me, because I used to care a lot of guilt and shame. I think all of us have done things that we're ashamed of, and when you have a relationship with God, you don't forgive yourself, even though God has. You know what I'm saying and as I'm reading the Bible, I'm like, oh, my goodness, the thing I'm learning is that everything God promised from Abraham to Noah Joshua, everything that he promised these guys, no matter what they did having times they fell off course or made mistakes, he kept his promise. You know, and it let me know. The whole message is that was like God's never going to leave you.

Speaker 3:

And in that moment and just in going through the Bible and really studying it, I'm learning to give myself more grace, you know, and also to see others the way I want God to see me, because so many times we're like really quick to cut people off and judge people and be like no, I can't deal with you. What if God did that to me? You know what I'm saying. Like I was like no, I'm done with you because you made one mistake or because you did this and I don't agree with it. So I start to look at people for who they are, where they are in their walk and in their life and in the season that they're in, and be more mindful, because I've had my seasons. I'm going to continue to have them, you know. So I think those two things therapy, yoga, journal well, most of things therapy yoga, journaling and reading my Bible.

Speaker 2:

How's the relationship with your parents?

Speaker 3:

It's much better. It's much better because when I opened up about what I've been saying, what I experienced in my childhood, it definitely caused a strain in my whole family and you and I have discussed offline about how, when you start to open up about things that you went through, it hurts the people that either did it to you or it hurts the people that are connected to those people and it's like, well, we never knew about this or why would you bring that up. And then you don't get accountability and that hurts like what. People don't want to take accountability for their actions. But what I've learned is that your story is your story. What you've been through is what you've been through, and only you had to live that, so you don't have to keep that to yourself.

Speaker 1:

I wanted to share something in regards to that, because I have a book. The book is actually Relationships Matter, but it's the book and I had a book signing in my hometown and my dad and my mom. They were married for a short time but my dad he stepped out, he cheated and he had a child with someone who was a friend of my mom's and growing up that was like everybody knew in my mind. I mean almost to the point where I felt like it's been so many years ago, it's normal, like y'all know this.

Speaker 1:

And so I wrote about it in the book because I talked about how it shaped me as an adult not growing up, my dad raised me, I went to live with him at the age of 10, but just having that experience and having knowledge of that and I invited this lady to the book signing because I, yes and my dad was there and I grew up with my sister my sister that he had with her and I guess while they were waiting for me to come to the book signing, they was reading the first few pages of the book and I guess they saw what I spoke about, that situation, and she left and my dad said that my sister said to him why would she invite my mom if she was going to put that in the book? I said, but that's that, that's what happened.

Speaker 3:

We all know what happened.

Speaker 1:

We all know what happened, y'all acting like that didn't happen. So I had like I still haven't spoken to her. So that's one of those relationships that I'm going to have to, at a certain point, men have that conversation. I'm going to talk to my brother. He said, well, it wasn't normal for us and I'm saying it wasn't cause to me it was. You know what I'm saying, or even just being transparent about growing up and my relationship with my mom and dad, which I have a great relationship with both, but my mom was young when she had me, even though she was married, she was young and so she'll be like oh my God, you said I was from the street. I told mama you we grew up differently.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, she grew up in New Jersey, you know. But then I'll say something nice. She'll be like oh my God, you know so that's all very sensitive.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, you shine a light on imperfections and I think a lot of us we hide behind that. You know and try to be perfect and we don't want people to know those skeletons and I want people to know, and so that could definitely cause a wedge in the family.

Speaker 1:

But I want to talk about your podcast, right, and so keep it positive, sweetie Right. And the premise is a safe space for women to love, heal and grow. Yes, right, what inspired you to start the podcast?

Speaker 2:

She will answer that Right. When we get back, relationships matter. The podcast.

Speaker 1:

Welcome back to relationships matter the podcast. So, crystal, talk to us about your podcast. Yeah, what inspired it?

Speaker 3:

Honestly, it was a this is a funny story, so it was a hater on Instagram. I had a young lady come organize my closet and the young lady said, instead of showing off all your handbags and clothes and shoes, maybe she go buy some land or some property? And I said, well, who's the town on have all that? I said what you need to see is that I'm supporting another young woman's business and not looking at the things that have. And I put hashtag keep it positive, sweetie. And my fans first drug her through the mud and then everything after it was keep it positive, sweetie. Wow, and it was going to be just a segment on the podcast, but we ended up making it the name.

Speaker 1:

Wow, and then what about the premise? A safe space for women who want to love heal and grow the premise.

Speaker 3:

honestly, I wanted to create a safe space for women. I did a sense of community so that we have somewhere to go and heal. In the beginning I didn't know if my voice mattered and after that first episode I was like whoa yeah like I didn't even understand, like the community that had behind me and they made me feel safe and in turn, we all feel safe and now we're three seasons in healing together. Wonderful, yeah, okay.

Speaker 1:

All right, josh go ahead.

Speaker 2:

Well, she knows what I'm looking like, this my first question is and this ain't the one- but my first question is have you created a safe space for you?

Speaker 3:

Yes, I have yes.

Speaker 2:

My second question is because the first time we got a chance to meet, I asked you have you forgiven yourself? Now, being on the other side, I want to know have you absolutely, without a doubt, forgiven others in your life?

Speaker 3:

That is so good, Josh. I'm getting there because sometimes it's hard to forgive and this is crazy because our pastor just preached about it. Sometimes you're not gonna get the apology that you want, but you've got to learn to forgive yourself so that you can heal. So I'm getting there. I'm getting there, but I feel like if I don't hold any ill will towards anyone, so in a sense I'm on the forgiving path, but I feel like there'd be more of a sense of peace when I'm fully forgiven and I'm not there yet, Just still working on it, I think, processing the lack of accountability, because sometimes the little crystal just wants an apology.

Speaker 2:

Is it more so that you want little crystal to get that?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, because that little girl and little boy never leaves us. We carry them with us forever.

Speaker 2:

Will you hold on to that?

Speaker 3:

Yeah. So, Until I feel peace. I'm working on it though.

Speaker 2:

We all are. But I ask because I know that's a very big step for you because, you freely told me, you forget yourself.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And I picked up on that and that was one of the things that was burning, because I'm like, okay, what about?

Speaker 3:

the other people, so good yeah.

Speaker 2:

And then based on that will you be able to fully be crystal in your relationship.

Speaker 3:

I believe, where I am now, having the awareness of who I am and learning a lot of things, because when you put the mirror to yourself, you really start to see like, oh, this is what everyone else has been experiencing all these years. You're blind to how you really are until you start talking to a therapist and realize, oh, oh, my gosh, that would annoy me too. I think now I can fully be myself.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 3:

And I have more understanding and empathy for people as well.

Speaker 2:

So, since you can fully be yourself, then look at me and talk to Crystal.

Speaker 3:

Wow Okay.

Speaker 2:

And I want you to lay it out on the line, because on one end you said that you can be you, but then there's something that's holding you.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

So if you can talk to Crystal, I would tell Crystal you are amazing.

Speaker 3:

You are not with what you've been through. You have overcome so much. You are strong, you are an amazing friend, you have a big heart, you put others first, you love God and God sees you. And to always remember that you are enough, that's what I would tell myself.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely, and since you just did pray on it, but I think that try to make whatever efforts you need to forgive those people in your life, my father, for example.

Speaker 2:

You know I never played about my dad growing up but he has caused, you know, a lot of pain in my life and a lot of hurt and I had to realize right, because you spoke about people that lack accountability, and he is one of those people, and one of the biggest things that I could do is literally just say I love you. It's cool. I ain't even expecting nothing else for you Because you're going to be you, but that ain't going to stop me from going and doing what I need to do, and I'm going to thank you because what you didn't do for me and what you didn't give me allowed me to be a better father and a better person, because I wanted to make sure that I was never going to be like you, you know. So I can give a million examples, but there's something that's burning inside of me, because I know you're saying what you're saying and I fully believe you, but I really want to encourage you to really take that step sooner rather than later, because you're going to flourish even more so you already got coverings and blessings and everything else over your life.

Speaker 2:

You're doing amazing things, right, you're touching a lot of people, but stepping away from what you do and starting with self is so important that you take the time and really, really, really look whomever those people are in the eyes or write it out or whatever that process looks like for you and let that go, because I feel that you know what I'm saying. When I saw you the first time, I said I know pain when I see it, I know and I feel that. But even though you're in a different space in your life, I still feel that right and I pray for you. I really hope that you're able to let that go, because that's going to be big for you. I really do. You know what I'm saying. I appreciate it.

Speaker 3:

I never see that.

Speaker 1:

This is such a subtle.

Speaker 2:

Like she is so good she's fighting it though, because last time we you know she was prepared to go, but she's good though Her story. I mean, this is beautiful Things that you share. I just think it's so important that people understand how hard this is.

Speaker 3:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

And the funny part is, even as adults, that, whatever age, that that thing that happened, that's what you see. That comes out right In relationships, in friendships, all of those things, because it keeps people at a distance and that's how we protect ourselves. But as we grow, you know, and the things that we want, we have to be able to take that step right. Whether it's relationship or business or whatever, there's always going to be that one thing that's like holding us and then it's like God, but God going to keep giving you that same test until you figure that thing out Absolutely. You know what I mean and I know your heart is so big Like I can feel the love.

Speaker 2:

Like seriously, like you know the work that you're doing, the person that you've become. You know you're an example for women. You're doing work to create the spaces for women. I mean I've never seen this woman light up, the way that she's lit up, but she was so excited to meet you, and rightfully so. You know what I mean. Like you're just a beautiful person with everything that you're doing, not because of the successes, but spiritually. I feel you right, mentally, emotionally. Those are the things that are important.

Speaker 2:

You know what I'm saying and I hope that people get to see that part to your heart and anybody for that matter, because a lot of times we judge people based on what they do, their platforms and all of that. But for you, like you said, like this is my purpose. I chased this dream, I'm achieving it and I want to be better and do better. But it's important that people see you and I'm not speaking to like another man, but I hope your family sees you, because right now they got blinders on. I hope some of your friends, if they don't see you and appreciate you, that they remove the blinders as well. You know what I mean, because enough of us deal with that foolishness, man. But I do pray for you heavily because you know that's beautiful and everything that you're doing, and I hope that you overcome that big hurdle, because that's your biggest one, at least in my opinion, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

All right, guys, that's our time, god, I hate to end it, thank you. So I mean everybody knows where to find your crystal. But just for the sake of it all let everybody know where they can find you on social media.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, as you can find me on Instagram at lovecrystalline. That's L-U-V crystalline, and keep it positive. Sweetie is on Instagram as well, and that's sweetie with an I-E All right.

Speaker 1:

See you guys next time. Relationship Spend at the Pocket.