Relationships Matter Live

Q Parker: Celebrating 21 Years of Love, Growth, and Authenticity in Marriage

• Chanel Scott and Josh Powell

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When Q Parker of 112 joins the conversation, you know it's time to sit up and listen. Celebrating more than two decades of marriage, Q opens up about the ebbs and flows of a relationship forged in the spotlight, yet anchored in the reality we all share. We traverse the path of young love blossoming in the tumultuous world of entertainment, revealing the strength and wisdom garnered from setting boundaries and growing together. Sharlinda, Q's wife, emerges as a lighthouse of insight, guiding their partnership through the storms and calms of life with grace and resilience.

Shifting the lens towards the intrinsic need for authenticity and the art of compatibility, our exchange becomes a candid exploration of the spaces between us that foster true connection. We navigate the sometimes challenging evolution from individualism to legacy-building, understanding that the dance of marriage is a continuous adjustment to each other's rhythms. Through the stories shared, it becomes clear that the courage to present our true selves to our partners is not just brave but necessary for crafting a narrative unique to every union.

Wrapping up, our hearts and minds open to the transformative power of trust, the importance of self-care, and the delicate rebalancing of family roles. As we reflect on the powerful influence of mentorship and the journey of personal transformation, a roadmap emerges for nurturing the next generation with intention and integrity. Join us as we commemorate Q Parker's 21 years of marriage—a testament to growth, dedication, and the unshakeable bond of love that stands as a beacon for us all.

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Opposing experiences, a single woman and a married man, Chanel Scott, and Josh Powell, create a powerful and empathetic team, offering valuable insights and advice on navigating the complexities of romantic relationships and promoting healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Join Chanel and Josh as they unlock the secrets of successful relationships one conversation at a time.


Speaker 1:

I'm Chanel Scott, the queen of relationship talk.

Speaker 2:

I'm Josh Powell, two-time NBA champion.

Speaker 1:

I've journeyed from trauma to healing.

Speaker 2:

From the NBA to family, I've learned what really matters.

Speaker 1:

We've come together to unlock the secrets of successful relationships.

Speaker 2:

One conversation at a time.

Speaker 1:

One conversation at a time. Welcome to Relationships Matter, the podcast. I'm Chanel Scott.

Speaker 2:

And I am Josh Powell.

Speaker 1:

And we have a special guest, q Parker, with 112. We're so happy to have you here.

Speaker 3:

Pleasure's mine, Pleasure's mine. Yeah, I'm just elated to be here and to have this engaging this, this dialogue, this conversation with y'all. So thank you for having me.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely so. I've had an opportunity to watch several videos of yours as you document your journey, you know, from the time when the group was like crazy off the charts, and some of your experiences and your personal relationship up until today. Right, and you talk about some of the experience you had and I want you to touch on that, but I want to focus more so on the healing journey, like what did you guys do as a couple Sharlinda, your wife what did you and Sharlinda do as a couple to navigate that journey, to get to where you are today?

Speaker 3:

Absolutely Very, very good question. Before I do anything, I'm gonna say hey, babe, big shout out to my wife Sharlinda. We just celebrated 21 years. That's awesome, and I always say that there's no way you can amass such a accomplishment without some peaks and valleys, absolutely, and our journey to 21 years has been nothing short of that.

Speaker 3:

You know, I believe, that entering into this industry, I really had no idea what adulthood was going to present to me. And when you enter into the entertainment industry as a teenager, you're really put in the fast lane, like you put in the HOV lane, and it's just like go, go, go, go go. And a lot of times during that you stuff is coming so fast that you're not really paying attention to the levels of growth and you end up getting into some things that may not be for the best benefit to you. And I always say that getting married at age 26, while I was still growing into myself, riding the highs of the entertainment industry and what it puts in front of you, I don't really I know that I wasn't ready for a full commitment such as marriage when I said, yes, I want you to be my wife, and it wasn't anything about any pressure or anything. My wife is four years older than me, so it was no pressure or anything.

Speaker 3:

However, I come from a mother-father household.

Speaker 3:

My mother and father have been together 50-some years and so I know that no matter how I navigated my adulthood, I know that my end goal was going to be marriage with children, and all that because that's what I grew up around.

Speaker 3:

So no matter how I navigated life, I knew eventually that was going to be my end game. And so when I met Shalinda, we dated for two and a half years and I found myself at a jury store and I asked her to marry me because I just felt like that was the next thing to do. But if I could do it all over again, I don't know if I would have done it at that age, because I'm still trying to figure myself out and I've kind of concluded that I personally don't believe that a man is really ready to make that kind of a commitment to maybe mid-30s, because in my case I could have prevented my wife and myself and our families from going through a whole lot of tears and anguish and bitterness and having to recover and reconcile and forgive, and all of that just because of my immaturity, and wasn't really really ready to embrace what leader, father, head of the household, husband, what all of that entail.

Speaker 1:

Okay, well, what I would like to know first? So, even though you say you wasn't ready, there was something significant about Shalinda that made you go to that jury store. Talk a little bit about that.

Speaker 3:

So, as I said earlier, when you're in the entertainment industry, it puts you in the fast lane, and so at the time I'm in my early 20s and I just didn't feel like a female. My age really had anything in common with me, simply because my lifestyle was just in the fast lane.

Speaker 1:

So you preferred someone older.

Speaker 3:

That was your preference, I didn't know at the time, but it ended up being that because what she may have lacked in experience, she been on this earth four years longer than me and so we just kind of met. Where there was similarity, there was high level of interest. It didn't get boring because she was dropping game on me too. As an OG she was dropping games on me, teaching me things that I just didn't know. That was a requirement when you're officially like going steady, like when you're officially dating somebody like no, you got to do this, you got to do this.

Speaker 2:

Oh, for real, I ain't know that, but I mean, what's one or two of the things that she dropped on you?

Speaker 3:

So when I met Charlinda, our daughter at the time she was nine years old. Just for clarity, I don't really do stepchildren and none of that. You know we're together, that's my child. So our oldest, khadija, was nine years old and the first thing that kind of piqued my interest was Charlinda was like don't call my house after nine o'clock because my daughter now we're in the bed and whatever you want to do, it has to be before nine o'clock. That was different to me, because nobody's ever said that to me. I'm Q Parker, like when I call.

Speaker 2:

You answer the phone when I want to go somewhere, we going.

Speaker 3:

But she was like and I think her experience gave her the space to be able to make that type of a mandate and then just it's other little things that, like she, just she had this motherly quality about herself that she weren't really with no BS. She was very astute with what she wanted to do, how things were going to go, and I had to either get in line with it or don't call her phone. And again, that was different to me but it was just so intriguing to me. It just kept me coming back to the yard, like no, no, that's powerful, bro.

Speaker 2:

You talked about 21 years of marriage. Talk about 21 years of growth. Talk about what that looked like when you look back at your younger self, to where you are now, at this moment.

Speaker 3:

When I look back, the first thing is I'm grateful that she had the patience to give me the space to grow and mature, because the Q Parker in the mid-20s was just all about career, all about what I wanted and what I needed. Sidebar, I read this book, dr Kun Ju Fu. He itemizes and he talks about the three stages of manhood boyhood, malehood, boyhood and manhood. Manhood is just gender-based. The anatomy says that you are a male. Boyhood phases you go through life feeling like the world owes you. What can I get from you? Serve me, it's all about me. But then manhood is that ultimate achievement where it's about legacy, it's about respect, it's about integrity, it's about generational wealth, it's about coverage, covering protection, provision. It's about all those things and what he states in the book that a lot of men even fail to get to manhood stage because they're stuck in the boyhood stage. Still, what can you give to me? I appreciate Shalinda having the patience with me to allow me to get my priorities intact. To answer the question how do we get here?

Speaker 3:

I think, as I said, it's patience. It is learning how to be compatible. It's time. It is being a surveyor keeping your surveillance cameras on, because I think that every so many years, individuals change and if you're not paying attention, you'll miss out on that adjustment. What I liked as a 30-year-old may be totally different than what I liked as a 35-year-old, but if you're not paying attention and you miss it, you're thinking that this is what I need, but you're still in the five years ago guy. So I think we've been able to do that communication, obviously, and just being real, being honest, not being afraid to be vulnerable and being just an ultimate teammate, which is something that is just embedded in me playing sports as a kid, but also being in a group having to rely on your brother and being the ultimate teammate. Well, I look at marriage as one of these teams that I'm a part of and if I do my job, we as a team become successful. If she does her job, it contributes to the success that we'll have as a team.

Speaker 1:

I heard you mention the word compatibility, right, and I mean in the industry you come across, I mean a number of beautiful women who you may have great chemistry with, but what was it in terms of compatibility? Because chemistry and compatibility are two different things. Right, and you said you and your wife had the compatibility. Talk more about that, because I don't think people recognize that there is a difference. We can have chemistry, but when we get into it, there is no compatibility, is not going anywhere.

Speaker 3:

People often ask what's the one thing that a relationship must have and many times people immediately go to communication, not negating that communication is very important and a necessity. But I always start with compatibility, because if I'm compatible with somebody I want to talk to them. If I'm compatible with somebody, I want to be around them. If I'm compatible with somebody, we can kick it. We can also do business, we can have fun, we can laugh, we can do all those things. So compatibility is always the first thing that I look for. I think chemistry sometimes is instant. Compatibility has more of a longstanding role, it has some elasticity with it, whereas chemistry can just be instantly, instant, and then it can kind of fade away. But I think when you are compatible with each other you have room to adjust, grow, be flexible, have that elasticity, because in a relationship you got to be able to be willing to be stretched and pull to the carpet, challenged, pushed, motivated in courage, affirmed all of those things.

Speaker 2:

So you said a lot of very powerful things, but when we come back, I want to ask you do you feel safe enough to be who Q is in his marriage? When we give back, Relationships Matter. The podcast.

Speaker 1:

The relationship's matter. Welcome back to Relationships Matter podcast. So, guys, before we get back into this interview with Q Parker, I want to remind you all to like, subscribe and share on all of your favorite podcast platforms, but I want to get back into it with you, q. So, before we went to break, josh was asking you how do you feel safe being Q Parker? And Josh, I'm going to let you, you know, give context to that question.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely. I mean because the first and foremost like to have the longevity, no matter how pretty or ugly or anything, like to fight for somebody. Just I think this is beautiful that you and your wife made such a commitment. But oftentimes I've heard, been a part of conversations and the list goes on where, even though people are together, they feel like they can't be who they are. And you spoke about, you know, being open, honest, transparent, like you spoke about all these things, so I just wanted you to elaborate. You know, can Q be who he is with his wife and his marriage?

Speaker 3:

I think one of the first things we have to do great question too. I think one of the first things we have to do is there is no prototype. I have been able to say to Shalinda you and Shalinda, we're going to create and develop our story, Not based off of how mom and daddy did it, not grandma, ma'am, not society. You know, get rid of all of that. There's no prototype, there's no standard. We can create and live in this marriage how we decide to do that.

Speaker 3:

But that comes with time. You know you can't just show up day one and it's like I'm not doing this, I'm not doing this, we don't do that. But I think over time you get to really really learn and know a person. Like there are things that Shalinda knows. I'm just not going to stand for Certain things she knows, Q don't really care about that, so that's good and vice versa. But you get there in time and to specifically answer your question, I can only be Q Parker and I think my wife is at a point right now where she knows I'm going to be me, and being me is still with a mindset of, you know, making sure that it's respectful, making sure that my words land gently.

Speaker 3:

I always say that you know, be careful. I say take a beat before you speak, because if you really care about somebody, you got to make sure you hit their ears in a delicate way, Even if it's a tough conversation, still worded in a way where it can land with love. And so I can honestly say that I am my 100% authentic self. But then again, if something new comes and there's a new thing that I'm into, a new thing that I desire or I want, it's a conversation and whether she agrees with it or not, we'll have the conversation and we'll figure out a way to still get to me.

Speaker 3:

What I'm asking for May not be one through five. She may give me one, three, three and a half, but it's never just say no and the same for me. So, yeah, I can be my authentic self. I'm vulnerable enough with my honesty so that when she hears it, she receives it in a way that I know my husband wouldn't ask or want to investigate this or invest in this or whatever the case may be, if it wasn't something that he really, really wanted to do. And because of that she takes it as such, and so do I.

Speaker 2:

You know. What else was powerful, too, is that you started off by also telling us the longevity that your parents have had, so it's like they paved the way. But at the same time, you still said me and my wife have to do this our way. I feel like a lot of times. Just my opinion. We always equate people being together as like, oh, they're happy, They've been together 50 years. You have no idea and you don't know what trauma, what behaviors, what thought processes have been passed down. So for you to say you know what even though I have this example, but I'm still going to structure this the way me and my wife are going to that's powerful, because we have to be able to decipher. So I thought that was great.

Speaker 3:

I think that's the first role to failure, when you're trying to live your relationship or situation based off of how someone is. That I'll never forget one time I have many stories, man, but one time, sharn, we had got into an argument and a disagreement a colorful disagreement, and a very, very good friend of ours. She mentioned well, let's call such and such, we need a third party. And I would always say no, let's not do that, because we need to put that tool in our bag too. If there's a roadblock, how can we navigate through it? We don't necessarily need a third party. It ain't even that serious yet.

Speaker 3:

Now, if we feel like we need a professional mediator, then obviously yes, but just on some day to day stuff, no, let me hear you out, you hear me out. Let's come to an agreement, even if we agree to disagree. But we don't need to enlist in somebody else and bring somebody else into our relationship when we can actually develop this tool, sharpen this tool and so going forward, we will know that this tool is in our backpack. This is a part of our kit. Now we have conflict resolution. We have figured that part out. Tomorrow we're going to present a whole another, something that we need to sharpen that tool and put that tool in our bag too. And so, again, another good friend of ours said stay underwater and your relationships stay underwater. You notice how, when you go swimming, right, and you put your head underwater, you can't hear anything outside, and when you finally come up from under the water, you hear all the chaos. And so he planted that into our relationship doing some of our roughest, toughest times, focus on each other. Keep your head underwater.

Speaker 2:

That's what we were able to do. That's powerful. Where did you learn that communication style? Because earlier you did mention like man, I'm cute. Like you ain't answering the phone when I'm calling, Like you ain't moving, you know what I'm saying, Like everybody done had that moment. You know what I mean, Whereas, like I know who I am, I mean what's happening, you feel me. So where did you learn that type of communication and to be able to be patient with somebody else, to listen to them you know what I'm saying Articulate their thoughts?

Speaker 3:

Because I liked her. I liked her a lot and I knew, in order for me to get through, I was going to have to calm down a little bit Because she was like that cute Parker stuff that can stop at the door Got you. You're not going to be that dude when you come. When we together, I get that's what you do and that's who you are out there. But if you want this to progress, you need to lead that guy, the performer, out there. And I liked her enough to say you know what?

Speaker 2:

I'm willing to do that. That's big because so many people still will follow the performer and they have no problems with it because they enjoyed the perks.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

What are some other practical principles that you guys have implemented in your relationship that you could share with some of the viewers? You've named quite a few already, but just things that you guys implemented in your relationship that helped you get over whatever difficulties you were experiencing? Because I mean just the idea of, like we know your story I hate to go back to the past but like navigating through infidelity and getting to a place where she could actually trust you again. What did that look like?

Speaker 3:

And that's like one of the toughest things to overcome. They talk about hills and molehills and all that peaks and valleys, but climbing the road from infidelity is like climbing Mount Everest. I'm telling you, you've got to be built for it, goodness, you've got to be built for it, and if it matters to you, you'll fight and you will become committed to the process. It's a process. I'm a huge Alabama Crimson Tide fan and Coach Saban always talks about the process. That's a process Because you're right, when you broken the trust, it's not that she don't love you, no more. It's not that he don't love you, no more. It's just becoming a person that can be trusted again. And that's not an overnight thing.

Speaker 3:

Rebuilding trust is not overnight. It's a real marathon and I know many people will quit because they feel like man, it's been two years, you still mad. Man, get over it already. But I'll never forget a therapist said to me one time because I was that guy too and I've been straight in there for two years Like you, still mad. And he was like you can't rush her healing process. All you can do is just continue showing up every day. But also, what he also said was, if you're two of, you are going to commit to this, reconcile.

Speaker 3:

Both of y'all got to commit, and so society says that it's the offender who has to do all the work. But the offender also has work to do as well, absolutely. And us getting back on the right road is not just a one-sided commitment, we have to commit. And so that word, I'm going to do the work. So my biggest hurdle was doing the work to show up every day that I could be the man that she vowed to be with.

Speaker 3:

But her work was. You got to really exercise that tough word forgiveness and really accept it and live in it. And that was one of our biggest hurdles. But the moment that we decided that you know what, give me your hand, I'm going to give you my hand and we're going to walk this road to recovery together, and not just what you going to do for me to day cue, what you going to do for me to day cue. And in the beginning it kind of started that way and I think we were slowly making head waves. But the moment that she committed to her responsibility of recovery, that's when we were able to move at a little faster pace and I think that is ultimately how we were able to get through that season.

Speaker 2:

And I'm glad you spoke about that. But when we come back, we're going to ask you about the biggest relationship in his life, which is with himself On Relationships Matter, the podcast Relationships Matter.

Speaker 1:

Welcome back to Relationships Matter, the podcast. So before we went to break, Joss asked you a question about your relationship with Sel. Talk more about that.

Speaker 3:

Man, I'm in love with myself, man. I love the way I eat. I love the way I put emphasis on health. I love how I have made it a priority to have self-care and I love how I have set boundaries when it comes to me, my time and what I need for me, because I realize that, as a provider and a person who is in a role to protect and do all of those things, I'm no good to nobody if I'm no good to myself. So why, if you should support me when I say, hey, I need a date just to myself, because you, the children, everybody going to benefit when I come back in this house in a great mood, if I'm stressed, if I'm waited, the whole house going to be heavy, stressed and waited.

Speaker 3:

I realize that I'm the heartbeat of my house, my home and my family. And as I go, we go. When dad's in a good mood, we're going to go out, we're going to eat good, we're going to laugh good, we're going to have fun good, we're going to do all that. But when husband and when pops a little stressed, we ain't doing none of that. I need somebody to help, and so I've just learned that in order for me to be what I need to be to my tribe. I got to make sure I take care of me because I would hate for my tribe to need some for me and I'm no good because I haven't done the work to make sure I can show up when I'm needed to show up.

Speaker 2:

That's powerful For the men that are watching. Give us three things on what you feel are good, self-care, that somebody that's watching, and then give us three boundaries that you feel are important.

Speaker 3:

Sure Two to three, so, man 2016, I started a men's organization, brothers United of Atlanta, and we do a Monday morning prayer call, meditation call and then once a month we meet at Big Brothers, big Sisters of Metro Atlanta and it's really managed as an open forum where men just come motivate and encourage just love on each other, be vulnerable, all of that. But it was established because the first thing I'm gonna say is men need an outlet. Yes, we cannot internalize everything we have to be outward with, because that's one of the reasons why a lot of our men are falling into a deficit. They're stressed, weighted, trying to say the world and just don't ever externalize things. So I would say, for me, I love reading, I love having days, man, where I go get my nails done, facial massage, steam room and just be to myself for about five or six hours. Another thing that I love is camaraderie, male to male camaraderie. There's a thing that I realized that is really, really important to men and that's male to male affirmation.

Speaker 3:

Oftentimes, men put so much weight on when their woman, when their wives, affirm them, then, to no disregard. We need that and we appreciate how a woman could really energize us and say baby, you got it, go get that deal. Go close that deal. You can see you're dope, you're this, you're that, love that. But it also means a whole lot when my brother says Q man, that was good man. No, you did that. The reason why that hits a little differently is because he knows what it's like to walk in the shoes of a man, and so when we accomplish something, he knows what it took to accomplish that, and so that male to male affirmation is just as vital to our survival as the woman affirming us that male to male affirmation is good, so that's a necessity.

Speaker 3:

Some boundaries is not compromising on those necessities. That's the main thing, and primarily because if you don't take the time to take care of you, you can't take care of nobody else, and I just think so many men are living in there right now, which is why, if you're not a part of Brothers United of Atlanta, find a men's organization that you can be a part of to get some of this stuff off of you. Or to hear some men excited about having a pampered day or having a day where I just was kicking it with my homies and didn't have the word about it. Wife went on my phone all night when hounding me with tie-in come up. None of that, just allowing me to have my time with my guys so that I can be recharged, so I can be affirmed, so I can be supported and motivated and encouraged. And even, you know, see some examples of some stuff that I want to accomplish, because I'm seeing one of my other brothers living and operating in that.

Speaker 1:

How can men join Brothers United of Atlanta?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, it's brothersunitedatlantaorg. Our social media is just BrothersUnitedATL, and once you're there, there's no membership, there's no nothing. Just come, just come as you are. Leave the initiatives. What car you drive, how much money you make, leave all that out the door, because none of that matters.

Speaker 2:

What are how do you feel men can view themselves or feel valued outside of protect and provide? Because you're in a space, too, where it's like we got to put this, you know machismo and we got to carry ourselves a certain way because you talked about the deficit you talked about, we're stressed and basically our life expectancy is going down To the man again that's watching and for the women, too, to hear, what does that look like? Because a lot of times, most men, we feel like our value is only in what we can do for either our woman or our kids or, you know, our families, our community. So, you know, talk about that.

Speaker 3:

I think we come into this game misdirected and misled, because, as early as I can remember and a lot of us can remember we're taught to be hard. We're taught don't cry, are you okay, get up, don't be vulnerable. We're taught all of those things. However, that's when we shine the most, that's when we are the strongest, when we show that we're weak, we show that we're powerful when we can shed tears At some point.

Speaker 3:

We have to get rid of all of those stereotypes, get rid of all those old teachings, because a lot of us have sons, and our sons are not going to be good for themselves, for no woman, for their children, if they're still subjected to that way of thinking. I love for my son to see me crying. If something affects me that much that I need to shed tears, they're gonna come, because I want him to understand that that's okay. If I'm hurt, I want to express that I'm hurt. If something has bothered me, I'm the example in which my son is going to live his life, and so if I don't want to perpetuate all of these bad teachings, I gotta live in those, and so I think that's the first thing that we have to identify that those words that were put into us are just misleading, because we are the total opposite from that.

Speaker 3:

We're our best selves when we are sensitive, when we are vulnerable, when we are delicate, when we are gentle, when we lead with love and not aggression. That doesn't mean that we we shouldn't have that in our kid either, but it shouldn't be the first thing that show up. And especially if these men have daughters yeah, you want to be able to show them that. No, your man should be able to operate in all of these qualities. They're in them, just hadn't been tapped into. Because society has said you're judged by how hard you are. I think we got to get rid of that.

Speaker 2:

No, that's powerful. But when we get back you, because we know, when we talk about society, when we talk about our OGs, we talk about all these people, these influences, folks that raise us. I want to know how you were able to break that, because it's not easy for many men to want to break that cycle, considering the teachings and where you get them from. So when we come back that's my question for Lista Q Parker Y'all are tuned in to Relationships Matter, the podcast.

Speaker 1:

Welcome back to Relationships Matter podcast. So Q talk to us about how you unlearned and relearned how to like balance, like manage your own family dynamic over against maybe certain things that you learned growing up. How did you implement new ways of doing life?

Speaker 3:

So, during the time of trying to win my family back not just my wife, but my family I realized that I didn't have a go-to person that I could just talk to, and one of the tricks of the enemy is for men is feeling like you're on an island by yourself. That's how the enemy win, because you keep everything inside. And so I realized right then and there that I needed somebody to talk to. But then also, my son was born, and I knew that I did not want to instill in him things that would prevent him from really really maximizing who he is supposed to be. I knew he was watching me, and so, when I had to reclaim my family, I sat him down and I had a conversation hey y'all, did dad do what he was supposed to do? However, I'm gonna show you that I'm gonna commit to winning the family back. And so, just in that lesson right there he sees, my dad is my hero. But dang, my dad messed up. Wow, my dad committed to fighting and getting the family back. Wow, my dad is present.

Speaker 3:

And so, regardless of what I was taught all those years prior to this season in my life, I had to figure out what is the best for me and I was able to deduce that it wasn't the stuff that I had been taught all these years, because a lot of those things that I was taught was the single man, the ego, the pride. I was stuck in that boyhood stage. What can the world give to me? And I realized that in this vehicle, with me is my wife, my children, my family, and it's up to me to navigate us to safety. And not only am I gonna navigate the safety, but my children are actually in the backseat watching every stop, every yield, every lane shift, every landmark, and so I'm just hoping that they'll pass that on to their children, because I witnessed my dad do X, y, z and then, hopefully, my grandchildren are saying yo, my GP was thorough, because he was able to navigate properly and get us all into a safe space.

Speaker 1:

How important is mentorship?

Speaker 3:

Mentorship is absolutely necessary. I came across a bit of a piece of information, maybe like last year. Do you know that in certain countries, mentor is not even a word? It's not even a word. In certain countries, mental was created because of the lack of fathers in the household, and in other countries, their percentage of fathers not being in the household is higher than it is in America. And so if you talk to somebody in foreign countries, they might need them. They will know what the word means today because it's a word that's so often used. Years ago, before mentor became the word, they probably wouldn't have even known what the word meant, because fathers are a parent in their homes.

Speaker 3:

And so what do we do in our country, in our world, where there's a lack and there's an absence of men?

Speaker 3:

Now the village is really raising the child.

Speaker 3:

You need Mr Mann, mr Smith, on the corner to try to no, no, tighten up young man, no, you don't need to do that, and so mentorship is critical.

Speaker 3:

I mentioned earlier today that on this interview that my organization, brothers United of Atlanta, is partners with big brothers, big sisters of Metro Atlanta, and big shout out to my brother, kwame Johnson, who is the CEO of BBBS with a mission to pair littles with bigs, because there's so many littles on the waiting list just for a mentor, and so everybody that's a part of Brothers United because of our partnership, it's almost a requirement for you to become a big, to register to become a big, because there's so many young men and young girls that are on the waiting list needing a big. And having the right mentor could really set a child who was on a wrong path to write in that path and becoming accomplished and, in some cases, life saving relationships. So I think mentorship in our country and in our community is so critical man to the success and or failure, even life and death in a lot of cases, when it comes to our children and our communities. No, that's bad.

Speaker 2:

What does success look like to you? It's kind of shifting gears.

Speaker 3:

Man, success looks like health. I'm on a mission, man. I'm 47 years old and I'm trying to define what 47 look like with 48, look and feel like what 49 gonna look like. And, man, I got quotes for days for you. I heard this one of my mentors told me. He said when you're born, you look like your parents, but when you die, you look like your choices. And so I can look at the choices that I'm making today and know that whenever my dad's called man, I'm gonna be a handsome, I'm gonna be fit, I'm gonna be in shape. Yes, sir.

Speaker 3:

My skin gonna be nice and glowing, my teeth gonna be right, like I'm trying to keep my head. But you know, doing the best I can with what I got. But man, just I think health man, because if I'm healthy I got the energy to go out here and get money. If I'm healthy man, I got the strength to go and be committed and consistent with whatever it is. If I'm healthy man, my mind is sharp so I can continue being a serial entrepreneur because I'm such a creative man. I'm thinking of ideas and businesses all day. But if I'm not healthy, all of that stop. If I'm healthy man, I can move, I can rock, I can do all of these things. I can be active for my grandbaby right, I got two grandchildren on the way and so for me it's legacy and it's health man. Without our health man we don't have anything. And I'm committed to God willing, I'm gonna see 90 years old or better.

Speaker 2:

That's refreshing to hear.

Speaker 3:

I know it, I'm gonna see 90 or better.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's refreshing to hear another man talk about health. Absolutely, because from my perspective, like when I look at social media, you know when I'm in the circles that I'm in, and I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but you know we're in the day and age of that grime mentality. Right, you can sleep when you die. You know what I'm saying. But to hear you say I get my toes done, I get my nails done, I get facials, you know what I mean. And I'm concerned about what I eat. You know what I mean Getting rest, making sure I work out, taking care of my body, all of these different things that the traditional man just doesn't think about. You know what I'm saying? Because in a sense, it's like we really don't matter in our homes, in our communities, to our families, to our friends, because if you don't have a bag, you can't talk to me, you can't even be in this circle. So I had to like address that, because you're speaking about a lot of things when you talk about self-care. I hope that doesn't go over whoever's going to watch this, because it is important not just for men but for women too. It's important because, like you said, we can't function on an empty cup and I got a real big question for you. As soon as we get back, relationships matter.

Speaker 2:

The podcast. I love doing that Q&A.

Speaker 1:

Welcome back to Relationships Matter, the podcast. So before we went to break, jars say he had to ask you a question. But before we get to his question, what I would like for you to do is so relationships are evolving, right. What is one piece of advice? Because you fought for your relationship, right you come. It's a different generation now. There's no longevity in relationships today. People get into a fight. Next thing you know they get into divorce. We see it on social media all the time. What is one piece of advice that you can offer this new generation, or even someone in the same position as you are in terms of industry, or a musician, or an artist?

Speaker 3:

Because so many things are moving so fast nowadays. I would say be patient, be patient and do all your research, go through all the scenarios, really, take the time to practically research and do diligence with the person and allow them to do it with you as well, so that, before you make such a committed decision, you feel really, really good about who you are about to enter into this agreement with. And so I'd say, be patient and allow the dating process to really really talk to you, because, if you look at it, dating is a purpose for dating, because you want to figure out who this person is and all of that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I would say go into that the purpose, because some people don't know, some people just think it's time to have fun, like they date without intention.

Speaker 3:

Cording and dating. I think it became a thing just so that you can do all of your due diligence to figure out or to have a clear view of is this somebody that I want to invest my time and my lifetime, my energy, my everything with and throughout the dating process? You will eventually get some signs good or bad if this is the person that, and you'll never 100% know, but I think that the dating process is its best when you have patience and when you allow those things and those feelings to develop organically.

Speaker 2:

Okay, that's powerful, bro. If you could save yourself from yourself, what would be the conversation that you would have with yourself 20 years ago? Man?

Speaker 3:

I see why you asked that last. I see what you did there. I would say to myself 20 years ago patience. I would give myself the same advice that I just gave you, because in giving myself patience, I would not have rushed into marriage. I'm very grateful that Sharlinda and I have just celebrated, this past August, 21 years.

Speaker 3:

But I can honestly say of the 21 years, maybe 12 or 13 of those years have been good years, and so maybe, if you add to my 26 year old self getting married eight years, I would have been 34, which is a lot to me, a better age to kind of make that type of a decision. Because at 26, I'm in the heart of my rise in celebrity records on the chart. We traveling everywhere, so much is being thrown at us, and so I would tell my younger self patience, because had I utilized some patience and allowed the dating process to really do what it was designed to do, I probably would have waited a few years. Some people looking at this will maybe say oh, that's bad man, you saying that you wouldn't have gotten married, and I'm not saying that I wouldn't have, and I'm not saying that I wouldn't have even gotten married to Sharlinda, I just know that a 34 year old Q Parker would have been better suited to fulfill the commitment of marriage than the 26 year old Q Parker.

Speaker 2:

No, that's powerful brother. One more thing before I go into my spell, If you don't mind I think this camera right behind me, because you did say that you just celebrated 21 years last month, correct? If you could open your heart and share your soul with your wife and let her know how you feel about her, Absolutely.

Speaker 3:

So I am Q Parker and my wife is the lovely, beautiful Sharlinda Parker, and here it is just coming off of celebrating our 21st year anniversary. I just want to say that I love you and I really appreciate you being patient with me. Oftentimes they say women grow up a whole lot faster and mature a whole lot faster than men, and even in my immaturity you exude immense patience to allow me to grow into the man that you always envisioned me to be. You had confidence that I could do this way before I did, and so I know we don't get to 21 years without you being patient and without you showing up. I just I appreciate you for who you are, how you're a firm, how you have been an ultimate partner. Thank you for our beautiful children and our grandchild and our two new babies, new grandchildren that are on the way, and I love you so much.

Speaker 2:

That's awesome, brother, and as expected, mr Parker. One thing that I definitely feel is that I am a man. I feel is extremely important, especially us as men, first and foremost, but us as black men. You know what I mean To set the bar and to be the example, and I mean this wholeheartedly because, again, we have so many similarities. We grew up with the same people, a lot of the same teachings, man, but as a man, my brother, I love you, doug, and I'm truly honored.

Speaker 2:

You know what I mean to sit in this room and to share this moment with you, because there are so many things that I understand about the journey, about being in this place of space, that it's not easy, and a lot of times it might feel lonely. You know what I'm saying. A lot of times we might be around people and question a lot of things, man, but as a man, as a husband, as a father, as a servant of the most high, you're still here, being the example of someone that, even though he's failed, he's never given up, and for me to be able to watch that from afar. You've inspired me, you've kept me going at times that you probably had no idea. You know what I'm saying, because that's how this thing goes. We were just talking about one of our OGs, obviously and salute to Kev, you know what I mean I want to give him his as well. But to see a man be willing to break the mold and to go a different route, it speaks a lot about you as a person.

Speaker 2:

And it's not easy, bro, because I'm a part of this life just as much as you are, and we see guys that are our age still doing the same thing, still behaving the same way, still got bad habits, treating people the way that they treat them. But for you to have a kind spirit and soul that you have, for you to, for one, say, man, I love myself enough to be the best version of me so that I can give that in all areas of my life, I don't want to let this moment slide. You know what I'm saying Without you knowing that I genuinely mean that. Brother Chanel, and I want to thank you here to support you and whatever you have going on and just look forward to building as we continue to move forward, man, and hopefully we'll be able to do this again. But thank you you know what I'm saying For taking the time my brother, and I genuinely wanted to say that to you and let you know from another man how I felt about you, brother, and I appreciate you.

Speaker 3:

Absolutely Well. Thank you all for this amazing platform. Thank you for the questions. I hope that someone was inspired, encouraged, just through these moments that we've been able to share. And I don't play man when it comes to one of my brothers saying I love you. I'm the guy man that when I say that, I want to hear it back, because a lot of times guys shy away from I love you, man, yeah, man, thanks Word. I'm the guy to be like nah, bro, I love you. I want to hear how I love you back. So to you, man, I love you too. I appreciate you, I appreciate what you're doing, what y'all are doing. It's so, so, so needed and so necessary in the community. So more power to y'all. You got my support. You got whatever you need. I'm a phone call away, I'm coming.

Speaker 2:

Fifth member coming soon. Y'all check your boy out. Relationships matter to the podcast. Bless this king man. Appreciate you. See y'all next time. There is a inputs up on Instagram.