Relationships Matter Live

Relationships According to Big Bank

• Chanel Scott and Josh Powell

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Have you ever placed your heart in someone else's hands, trusting them to hold it with care? Big Bank's remarkable journey through love's terrain is a testament to that courage. In our latest episode, he sits down with us to share the raw emotions and resilient spirit that have shaped his 22-year marriage. His candid reflections on trust, commitment, and the complex dance of relationships reveal the delicate fabric that binds two people together amidst life's trials and triumphs.

Navigating the waters of fidelity and infidelity, we uncover the nuanced perspectives that can both strengthen and threaten the bonds we hold dear. Big Bank's insights challenge us to confront the societal constructs that govern our understanding of loyalty and the importance of communication in sustaining a partnership over time. Without shying away from the uncomfortable, we dissect the emotional aftermath of betrayal, the struggle to reconcile our actions with our values, and the quest for transparency in the labyrinth of love.

As we wrap up this heart-to-heart, we delve into the indispensable role of self-awareness and the pursuit of personal growth in preparing for and enriching relationships. Through stories of parenting, the influence of family dynamics, and the undying need for resilience, this episode stands as a beacon for anyone seeking to fortify their connections and successfully navigate the complexities of love, trust, and the human experience. Join us and Big Bank as we traverse the intimate landscape of what it means to truly give and receive love.

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Opposing experiences, a single woman and a married man, Chanel Scott, and Josh Powell, create a powerful and empathetic team, offering valuable insights and advice on navigating the complexities of romantic relationships and promoting healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Join Chanel and Josh as they unlock the secrets of successful relationships one conversation at a time.


Speaker 1:

I'm Chanel Scott, the queen of relationship talk.

Speaker 2:

I'm Josh Powell, two-time NBA champion.

Speaker 1:

I've journeyed from trauma to healing.

Speaker 2:

From the NBA to family, I've learned what really matters.

Speaker 1:

We've come together to unlock the secrets of successful relationships.

Speaker 2:

One conversation at a time.

Speaker 1:

One conversation at a time. Welcome to Relationships Meta, the podcast. My name is Chanel Scott.

Speaker 2:

I am Josh Powell.

Speaker 1:

We have a special guest today Big Bank, yeah, beyond special.

Speaker 3:

Check it in what's up with y'all?

Speaker 1:

Check it in.

Speaker 3:

Y'all got me kind of nervous they ain't never been nervous before, don't be nervous, don't be nervous.

Speaker 2:

Y'all do a super fly too. How Gotta have you?

Speaker 3:

They don't flip me it's over. I can't come back from that.

Speaker 2:

They need to. They need to go ahead and bring you back. My boy, I can listen, I promise you, man, I love that movie so much. Bro, One of my favorite movies, dawg no cap. No, I appreciate that, bro. Like everybody did their thing, man, so I definitely want to take the time to salute you. I appreciate that.

Speaker 1:

My bro, you sent me that video clip with the guy that was in there. He was like you want to be super fly, or something. Like I said what?

Speaker 2:

I said that's me, that's real.

Speaker 3:

He said that the man can't afford to be you Bro listen, listen bro.

Speaker 2:

He said that's me Bro. Listen, that's me all day bro.

Speaker 3:

You put it on the 10 on that one, you that one, that one, that one.

Speaker 2:

But now, bro, I had a salute you man.

Speaker 3:

No, I appreciate that, my bro. I appreciate y'all having me too, man.

Speaker 1:

Of course. So tell us a little bit about yourself.

Speaker 3:

That's crazy. I don't even know how to explain it. Well, I'm just typical. Come from humble beginning hood. You know what I'm saying. Raised by my grandma. Dad was going through it. He did this thing. He went to the streets, got hooked on drugs and went to jail when I was 13, 14. And he gave me a life sentence. My mom, she was young when she had me, so my grandma raised us House full of people. You know, typical, I just you know we had to start hustling early to even have the things that the other people just had around us. You get what I'm saying. So I guess you just say hustle, I blow the wind up.

Speaker 1:

OK, what does your personal life look like, though?

Speaker 3:

For as I've been married for 22 years.

Speaker 1:

OK, so you married yeah.

Speaker 3:

But we grew up together, so you know a lot. Come with that relationship too. Like what, like everything? You know what I'm saying. Like I don't even know how to. We grew up together so a lot of shit that I didn't know then. Still scars hurt from now. You know what I'm saying and I know Just. I know how I go. But it's like, man, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know how to explain it.

Speaker 2:

22 years Then you got a 28 years, 28 years altogether and married 22 years. What do you feel one or two of the successes to have longevity in a relationship?

Speaker 3:

What's the success of it? My kids is my success from a relationship and just to have somebody that you, the first person you loved outside of your family member, just beat up with you the whole time, Because that's like the first person I love outside of family you know like really gave my heart to. I like I tell people it's it's three different types of love. You can be in love with somebody, you can love them and you give your heart to them. That's different, Like you know what I'm saying. Like that's different because we don't do that. It's often right.

Speaker 1:

So get your heart.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, like give your heart, like to give your heart to somebody saying, yeah, I can be, I can go fall in love again, I can love you, I can love it, I love everybody, but I can only give my heart away one time. You believe that.

Speaker 1:

I believe that you believe that? Like really give it away one time, one time.

Speaker 3:

Give your whole heart away one time. Yes, it's like trying to have a think of somebody else, like your mom, like had a same love for another woman like you love your mom or your dad.

Speaker 1:

I think I'm going to give mine away one more.

Speaker 3:

You've been in love probably more Well. You know women different. I'm to my man. I'm to my man.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because I was going to my next question for you was like at what point did you make the decision to say I'm going to give my heart away, because you men are different, like what made you make that decision? And say you know what? I'm going to give my heart away to this person. What about her was so special that she?

Speaker 3:

just had never done it for one. And then she, and then trust.

Speaker 3:

I came in with a responsibility after real. We had kids early to go to. So you know, I'm saying, and then it's like it was just, it was just me and her like against the world, against everything like it, but it didn't collide. This is what it is, this is us, you know. So, yeah, trust, love, you know everything that come with me Because, yeah, I dealt with plenty women for that, even as a kid, but just for some different growing up in the streets.

Speaker 2:

What does trust look like for you?

Speaker 3:

I don't, I don't got no trust. I don't know what your spouse.

Speaker 3:

You know, we can do things in a relationship that break trust and I can want to trust you for the rest of our life. It don't have to do them how to do it, and for that it just could be shit. You say you can say certain shit to make me feel like if I said this to you, you shouldn't trust me. Well, if I do certain things to you, you shouldn't trust me ever. So I based it on how I would, how I would react, and that's probably a bad thing and I think everybody's different. But I'm saying I'm saying if you was, I could do something to her, and they make me not trust her because I know if you did that to me.

Speaker 1:

Wow.

Speaker 3:

I would never trust you again, like I really don't fuck with you, like just being real. Yeah, so I don't know it, just you know.

Speaker 1:

But how does that impact the relationship, though? When you have little trust, though, you find yourself getting into disagreements often, or questioning often, or yeah, yeah, it's, it's, it's all of your bub.

Speaker 3:

It's all of your bub. I don't, I don't know, I don't know how to.

Speaker 2:

Is there anybody OK, aside from your wife? Do you feel like there's anybody in your life that you can fully trust or fully have that type of I?

Speaker 3:

ain't gonna. Well, when I say I don't trust, it's like I don't put in that pants. Like you know what I'm saying, you'll do it. I'm big on that, you'll do it. So that's not trust, I'm big on that. That's not trusting. No matter what it is, no matter how it goes to this day. Like my grandma, I could trust her to be exactly who she is to anyone, not just to me. She's the same way with everyone. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. So I trusted her. I trust. Let me see, I trust my sister, even though, because I know her, you know, most of the time you won't be knowing people that you love. You don't even be knowing people, you don't know what they capable of. But like I feel, like I know my sister heart, like I know her, I know she'll be get on some bullshit. I know she'll. You know what I'm saying. I trust my brothers too, my brother Nate, even cause I know them. I know what they'll not do to me.

Speaker 1:

But you don't have that same trust for your spouse, though.

Speaker 3:

Because I ain't never did them wrong.

Speaker 1:

You don't have over 27 years I ain't never did them wrong.

Speaker 3:

I trust that you are the best for me, but I'm saying like I can't, I don't know, I don't know how to say that. And her trust don't come from her. It come from me, knowing that if I was to, if you was to do me this way and the way that you let me know you felt when I did these things, how do I trust you? I don't know. It's all my fault, everything is my fault. I'm taking full accountability for anything, but I have to say this is who I am. I don't know how not to feel how I feel. What do I need to do?

Speaker 2:

What do you think most of that comes from? Is it a combination of relationships? Is it a combination of how you grew up being in the streets? Is it like? What does all of that entail?

Speaker 3:

It's like I think people don't understand like what a heartbreak is for real, and heartbreak don't have to be like women's biggest thing is okay. You cheating on me, not my heart, bro. You could break a with some words or with your actions or with some shit. I never thought you would do Same way, because if you were disappointed in your mom or whoever growing up, they really broke your heart right. If your mama was got them a crackhead or whatever she said about that shit, you got to walk by the people at school and know you are heartbroken, no matter how you. You know what I'm saying. So if you find somebody that kinda patch it up a little bit and they do some shit that you never thought or say some shit that you never thought, then what do you do?

Speaker 2:

So if they do it, do you feel it's intentional or do you feel it's unintentional? It done, it's just done.

Speaker 3:

It don't matter, it's done like I can do some shit unintentional, but I still did it. Right, you still did it. But how many times we gonna say how many times is unintentional?

Speaker 1:

I mean some, I mean especially, like your partner or your spouse, they know how to pinch you.

Speaker 3:

Okay, but it's okay. I'm just speaking in general. I ain't speaking on personal level right now. If it was, how many times is intentional, like I said, like it's unintentional. If you saying you know how to hit my buttons and I'm telling you don't do this, it was intentional for sure. Yeah, don't do this, because this make me feel this way and you do it to continue, like that's literally intentionally trying to make me feel how the way I'm telling you this shit made me feel right, yeah, how that work.

Speaker 1:

Well, it's typically when a woman does that they're reciprocating whatever emotion you have given to them. So then they try to get you back and they tip it If they study you and they know what's gonna rub you the wrong way, and so they'll say stuff out their mouth that they don't necessarily mean. But it was definitely intentional, but it was to her. She was not that they were actually act on or even do it, but they know that it's gonna move you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, for 30 years. Right, and that's a great point, sunneb, 30 years, cause you talked about being almost with just significant other for that amount of time total.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

What are the some of the ways that you've grown over that time span Like?

Speaker 3:

oh no, it's a whole, totally different. It ain't even the same, like if she upset with you that I was. I totally understand that, cause I am too. Yeah, but I can't, I can't get them. That's just like if I committed a crime at 18, I did six months in jail. I'm 40, got them 45, now ain't finna go back and say, hey, let me go do six more months for that shit I did when I was 18. I already did my time for the shit.

Speaker 1:

I'm putting this loyalty to you.

Speaker 3:

That's the only thing. That's the only thing, but it's like.

Speaker 1:

I want to ask you something what does that mean to you Like? Define that for you.

Speaker 3:

You want to intentionally hurt me or intentionally not have my back, intentionally, do it. You're always there for me. A lawyer person is always not financially naïve. I'm always there for you, like I know yeah, that's that. And then there's, I ain't got to even question it, that's what that is.

Speaker 1:

But let me answer your question on that. And that's good. But I hear men say that's the only thing, but then they'll turn right back around and do the same thing that you just said. You don't want that woman to do that.

Speaker 3:

What like what?

Speaker 1:

Like you, like you won't intentionally hurt me or you won't do this to me. You'll always be there for me, but then the man will go and do the same thing.

Speaker 3:

But then Like fuck a bitch.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's.

Speaker 3:

How the fuck is me Like? How is me getting some pussy intentionally hurting you?

Speaker 1:

Oh my God, like you're sharing a part of yourself with someone else and we don't want that's being unfaithful.

Speaker 3:

That's being unfaithful. It's two different things from what we talked about earlier being unfaithful and loyal.

Speaker 1:

So I think you have a different definition for being unfaithful versus being loyal. Because a woman is both for me, because I don't want to share, I don't Like.

Speaker 3:

I give what you're saying. I'm not on here to advocate for cheaters or no shit like that. What?

Speaker 1:

I'm saying is I'm not getting it being real.

Speaker 3:

What I'm saying is okay if your husband do whatever you have, if he steps out on the marriage right and do whatever he did, that's the only thing. You can check out the list that he's not doing. Everything else he's doing, I wouldn't give a damn what it is. He's the husband. He cooked. He takes you out Whatever the fuck it is that you require, but he got caught sneaking doing some other shit. That's the deal breaker. That's yes or no.

Speaker 1:

Yes. Because, now you put me in a precarious situation now because you just think you're going out to have sex with another female. But now you put us in jeopardy because now she's going to come knock on my door or we out, she's going to approach me and this is going to be a whole big thing.

Speaker 3:

But if it ain't that type of energy, though I'm saying you just, don't have to, I can't be so sure I'm like that, like you went in my phone and found out that you're looking to be unhappy when you're already happy. But what I'm saying is this guy is the guy that's doing everything to your standards. Why would you check his phone? I had to say me, because nobody's never checked my phone. Why would you? Go searching, I wouldn't check your phone, so how would you find out?

Speaker 1:

If you're doing everything in the relationship then I don't know why I would be checking your phone.

Speaker 3:

Okay, if you go looking, if one of your nose ass friends come tell you some shit, you're going to leave your dude for that.

Speaker 1:

No, I'm not going to leave him because she came and told me nothing. No, absolutely not. And even if I'm going to make the first of all, this is me. If you're doing everything you supposed to do in the relationship and I find out you did what you did. I ain't going to leave you, but I'm definitely going to make your life miserable. That's just me.

Speaker 3:

So why do you want to make a man life miserable?

Speaker 1:

Why would you go, step out and have sex with another woman?

Speaker 3:

Let him go do everything he could do for somebody else. Why do you got to do that, though? Why everything got to be a woman way, though? I don't understand this. Where's the compromise we got to compromise? You got to pick your poison because you got some women that's laying up with bombs. She's laying up with a bomb and he ain't cheating. But you don't have no time to yell because I got to work. Every day I'm doing everything else, like when are women going to be satisfied?

Speaker 2:

Are you serious? What one thing can I do? What I'm saying is okay if I don't have a job if I don't have a job right.

Speaker 3:

Just imagine I didn't have a job. That would be a deal breaker too right? Am I tripping? No, you got to do that. Like it's two different type of dudes. It's two different type of dudes. All women want the same type of dudes.

Speaker 2:

What's the type they want? Now let you know All the conversations you have.

Speaker 3:

Who that he got a damn to be, that he got to be a n*** of somebody else, got to want him.

Speaker 2:

I do feel like for me that's a preferential thing, but where I was talking about what I'm fighting, what you fighting for your life is Because I just you know what I'm saying gave myself to the creator two years ago, two days ago. I'm on this spirits journey, yeah, in that room, even though I feel the way that I feel right.

Speaker 1:

How you feel.

Speaker 2:

From a like I'm big on polygamy bro.

Speaker 1:

Oh, my God In that room. So the reason I'm saying that what you being that wrong with that In that room that reason I ain't get to chew. What do you want to do with that? So I'm saying you want to have two women or three women? In your household. You want to have, you want to build a family with multiple women. I'm not.

Speaker 3:

Each woman, first, first, first. You out there to pressure, all this pressure that comes with me. Baby, divide that shit, ain't nobody divide nothing.

Speaker 1:

Divide Ain't, nobody divide nothing.

Speaker 2:

So the reason why I ain't trying to go too hard on that side of it is because, again, I'm trying to subscribe to what the word is saying.

Speaker 3:

that but they remixed that word a little bit too. I'm going to keep it going. Keep it going Be what you be, what you want to be in life. You ought to be what you want to be in life, what's in your spirit. That's what you got to be, bro.

Speaker 2:

I'm telling you, sometimes I will be in my spirit too. I want to knock somebody out.

Speaker 3:

Oh no, I hear that on being your spirit. But that being your mind, that being your, emotion.

Speaker 2:

That be that. Be on it sometime. I can folks right.

Speaker 3:

But what if you can't? I'm saying some shit that you can't shake is what's in your spirit, not just in a moment. I'm not.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I can't shake the urge to be with one another. We just have no one.

Speaker 3:

I'm not saying I'm understanding guys, because I have friends, I understand guys, I understand their point and if shit switches over for everybody, can do it, but that's just like you mentioned earlier.

Speaker 2:

Right, you took it to basketball, so I could relate to that from the standpoint of by any means necessary, we do what it got to take, and that's how I was able to reach the peak that I reached. Yes, so every situation it required a different version of me. Yes, so that's where I'm at now. Right, my current relationship is requiring a different version of me.

Speaker 1:

I never did this.

Speaker 2:

I got to subscribe to the monogamous channel.

Speaker 3:

But you got to make sure you comfortable with that shit first, Because if you're not comfortable with some shit just because you like a person so much, you can get into some shit and be miserable.

Speaker 2:

But see, the thing is is I'm doing it for a bigger purpose. It's bigger than her and me, If I'm going according to what that book say. So that's the part of where I'm at. It ain't even got nothing to do with that. That's why I believe.

Speaker 1:

Now, I agree with you on that, that and I'm not speaking to you on your situation, but I'm speaking in general. That's why it's important that you pick the right partner, like, yeah, you got to, Because if you don't, you are going to cheat. That's why I don't subscribe to the whole idea of just being with somebody because he liked me or because he he nice to me or he do nice things for me, because I already know that if I don't like you, if I'm not attracted to you in that way, it's only a matter of time before.

Speaker 3:

I miss someone that.

Speaker 1:

I am attracted to.

Speaker 3:

And.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to be like peace.

Speaker 3:

But do women know that they're not perfect though?

Speaker 1:

We're not perfect.

Speaker 3:

But you know, that's the way women most women that I've seen- Perfect.

Speaker 3:

In my life, in my dudes, you know, just talking to people because we be having any conversation all the time amongst men. Women probably don't think we do, but they be like what's up with it? It's just like perfect as in. We don't believe that you have flaws. You get what I'm saying. They play it. They play it like, just because your flaws are like this, mine's ain't that bad or that ain't really shit. How you going to tell me what ain't really shit to me? I ain't experience what you experience. If I experience what you experience, I probably wouldn't deal with you, right? You know what I'm saying. So you can't tell me the level of hurt something could bring me, even though you know you don't mean it. Like you said earlier or this or that, you can't tell me the level of hurt because I never experienced nothing else to hurt me from you.

Speaker 2:

Until your point. That's also the reason why I think about relationship the way that I think about it. How do you think about it? Because when I grew up, I didn't see people being faithful Facts. When I grew up, I didn't see people being loyal. You know what I'm saying, Especially when you understand what men do. But then you hear or see like, for example, a woman will say well, I ain't do what you were doing, but you're sending that. Good morning, good night. Hey, baby, how you doing, how you day.

Speaker 3:

I ain't setting it up that what they do, that what they do.

Speaker 2:

I don't understand, like you, emotionally and mentally connected with another person. So it's like I'm watching all of these things and I'm like, bro, I don't see nobody, really about one person. And then I just started seeing the last two and a half three years of my life out of 40 years. I just started bumping into people that, bro, I don't do that Like, I really be faithful to my life. She get on my nerves or he get on my like, but I'm with that person. I'm like where I know it exists. But to actually see it, see, but that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1:

So you still ain't met nobody you sitting right in front of me.

Speaker 3:

I just ain't met him, I ain't I don't know you cheated.

Speaker 2:

What episode that you said you cheated on, bro.

Speaker 1:

You ain't never heard me say I cheated on nobody. That's the one thing. You did not hear me say you did not hear me say, I cheated on nobody.

Speaker 2:

You ain't even looking me when you answered that question.

Speaker 1:

You look down the whole time.

Speaker 2:

You see the cream look down like this the whole time.

Speaker 3:

So you did stop working. You want to cheat on like it's just don't work, no more.

Speaker 1:

I can't even answer that question, man, because I can't answer the question truthfully. I don't know that's, that's, that's major, see what?

Speaker 3:

I'm saying Somebody who I can't. Condition alone mean we can use every toy in the mother. I'm about to throw a twist in there.

Speaker 1:

I'm about to be a twist. I'm about to throw a twist in there. I was celibate for eight years and then for another four. I don't know if I could do that.

Speaker 2:

But want to be different. If you got somebody now, well, like, it'll be different, like, because it's one thing when you like, I'm not settling for a relationship, it's another thing being in a relationship. And then this thing happens. I agree, you know what I'm saying. Like if I'm with a woman and we trying to figure out whatever we're going to figure out, that's what.

Speaker 3:

I'm going to do yeah, if I get a divorce. I just know I would never, ever try to shit. Really I wouldn't. I ain't got time, I ain't got the mental space in my brain for that shit. You say that today. I mean that because I can't live inside of nobody else's emotions. I'm too, I'm too much of a man. I don't want to hear that shit at times. So it's me. You know what I'm saying. If I'm going, my own problem. And you want to keep, let's talk, let's talk, let's talk. I'm talking, I want to go get me some. I don't want to do the things that I need to do. I don't want to keep talking because we can get nowhere with this talk. So most women want to talk.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely, but are you being on communication yes, I'm communicating.

Speaker 3:

Okay, just saying what we're doing.

Speaker 2:

But is it your way? No, I'm going to let it all out.

Speaker 3:

Hear you out, but I can't keep talking about the same thing every day. I just can't do that. It's like all right, this is how we want to do it. How do we fix it? Let's get a solution. It's seem like there's no solution. What do I do?

Speaker 3:

There's no solution if you're not willing, if you, because you say you, I'm totally going to be transparent about something, but if you ask me something that I just ain't going to do, I'm going to tell you that I ain't going to do that. So you need to be thinking about your next move.

Speaker 1:

Certain things I'm just not going to come to it sounds like your mind is made up and you're going to do what you're going to do. And she's going to accept it, or she's not going to accept it, but that and so in those cases, she's going to keep talking about it, because the only alternative for her is to leave. So she don't want to leave. So, in order to find some level of peace and comfort, she's going to continue to talk about it.

Speaker 3:

I've been talking and doing that, but raising Because you're trying to get you to change your mind.

Speaker 1:

But you ain't willing to change your mind.

Speaker 3:

I know that too, that you're not going to change your mind. You're just going to make a lot. That's all you're going to do. But you say you want the truth. And then I tell you the truth you trying to change his mind.

Speaker 1:

Which one is it? So then, it's like you put her in a messed up space for who she either got to pick you or she got to pick herself.

Speaker 3:

But at the end of the day, something got to be picked. If you saying that you can't deal with this, I'm telling you this is what you're doing?

Speaker 1:

What is the?

Speaker 3:

compromise, though? Who's compromise on them? That's just like right now, bro, I want you to shave your beard off. I don't like that beard any much. I want you to go booty fake Baby. I'm not doing that. What are you talking about? Who's going to do that? But she talked about this every day. Are you doing it? Certain things you're not compromising.

Speaker 1:

But that beard is not doing anything to you.

Speaker 3:

We talk about behavior, I ain't talking about really cheating and all this stuff.

Speaker 1:

Anything that may happen to a person.

Speaker 3:

That's of a person.

Speaker 1:

But I noticed that you keep saying cheating. No, I'm saying no, but you think like that's like the thing.

Speaker 3:

That's like to me, women's deal breaker. So that's what I thought I'm thinking you saying, like I'm saying like anything that's of my choice, of I could choose a career that you don't like women feel like some women ain't gonna say all women. Some women feel as if, though, they supposed to have an opinion on everything in your life, and I don't believe that. I don't believe that. I don't believe that I don't. That ain't nothing to talk about. This ain't nothing to talk about. So don't even and, like I said, I'm not personalized, I'm just speaking from everybody point of view who talk. You know what I'm saying, cause so many go through so much shit with women, like everything else you ask. Now we got to communicate about everything by being in it. You ain't got to worry about that. Baby. I got this shit handle, or you don't? You just, I don't know, I don't know how to explain it, but you get what I'm saying. Come and shave your beard off.

Speaker 2:

No, I'm falling.

Speaker 3:

I'm falling. But have you ever heard of a woman try to really convince you of some shit that you just want to do? It happens. Have you ever tried to convince? A man of some shit that he never did, maybe really.

Speaker 1:

Something that he never did.

Speaker 3:

You would never change, nah, yeah that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1:

But I mean, I've been in situations where I know the person wasn't faithful. I mean and this is before I was cool with Chanel, so I will overstate my welcome. So that was that conversation on repeat, because you was hoping you heard something different.

Speaker 3:

So what would you? What would you what would like? What would you deal with from a man Like if you had to deal with one thing from a man like I just got to deal with that, what would you deal with?

Speaker 1:

I mean outside of him, just being him, what I knew of when we got together, like if you had to pick a flaw, because everybody got a flaw right.

Speaker 3:

If you got to pick your poison on what you can deal with from a man, what would it be? I don't know, that's what I'm saying. Like everybody looking for perfect, I can tell you what I ain't going to deal with.

Speaker 1:

He got to be perfect. I can tell you what I ain't going to deal with.

Speaker 2:

What you ain't going to do.

Speaker 1:

I ain't going to do it, I just can't. He can't, he can't be sleep with other women.

Speaker 3:

All right cool so.

Speaker 1:

I just don't, I just I, just I, because you got to know you, because everybody not built the same yeah.

Speaker 3:

No facts, no facts.

Speaker 1:

I got. I know me and I know that that just wouldn't sit well with me. I end up in prison somewhere.

Speaker 3:

I feel you on that side.

Speaker 1:

But sleeping with another woman.

Speaker 2:

But why would you end up in?

Speaker 1:

prison Because, man, that it just does something to you, because it's like why?

Speaker 2:

But why would you end up in prison?

Speaker 1:

though, because the level of pain that comes along with that for me is undescribable. So you telling, me. About a level of devastation that the pain of it all.

Speaker 2:

That you're a lay somebody down, yeah, yeah you said like a boyfriend that you married. It's a situation.

Speaker 1:

How long you got to know you though that's what I'm saying you got to know you.

Speaker 3:

You know you. How long, how long, how long of a relationship. What if I just know you for a year? You rich, you're going to kid me it depends.

Speaker 1:

It's relative. It's relative, though you do know me. It's relative. It's just like I don't know. It's relative. Every situation is different. You know what I'm saying? You going through something, y'all going through something, y'all. Take some space away. He go and do whatever. He go, dip off, that's not his behavior. To just be out there slinging it, community dig, then that's different. You can work through that, you can talk through it. But if you, with somebody who just doing it and don't give a kid, don't care how you feel, don't have no regard for you, yeah, and then you got women approaching you, showing up on you, that's different doing that.

Speaker 2:

You're causing harm or some cheeks. What you mean? You causing somebody harm over some cheeks? No, he'll not.

Speaker 3:

He's like I feel like I feel like I wouldn't give it.

Speaker 2:

I feel like bro he already said he put that bad Go to jail or kill somebody, die behind a woman.

Speaker 3:

It's too many.

Speaker 1:

It's easy to say, because it hasn't happened, I wouldn't give a damn what you show.

Speaker 3:

God gave you that pussy, not me. You decided to give it away, baby. That's what you need to do with it. I can't tell you what to do with that and ruin my whole life about that. How many of those? This is what I do to guard against that.

Speaker 2:

I hear what you're saying.

Speaker 1:

You don't cause like, but how to guard against it. If you know someone has a tendency to do that, because you know before you can get deeper to a relationship how somebody moving don't get involved.

Speaker 3:

People be different every day, though they do. Your wife can be at work, got in the same, know when she sad, when she happy, when she down, when she up Brought you some food. I did this so they down there in a relationship. One of them days you're going to be like this. You never know, bro. Y'all have been created a whole relationship outside of us. You know how to hold your head up. Queen the date. Don't let nothing stress you, no matter what it is in life. Stick a smooth head boy to cologne for her Sooner or later. You never know how this shit go go, bro. You never know. You got some slick ass. You never can say what you go do till you do it.

Speaker 2:

Hey, how long will it do wait for the opportunity Forever?

Speaker 3:

But he's right, forever. I'm friend, friend, friend. He's gonna never go with his move. He gonna let you go with your move. You wanted that.

Speaker 1:

I'm just gonna beat you.

Speaker 2:

No, that's a lot of that happening out here. That's just my brother, though, no, we just no bro. Bro sitting he waiting, yes, he waiting.

Speaker 1:

So then in situations like that, say you in a relationship and the person you in a relationship with got a friend that's a man. How do you handle that? What do you think?

Speaker 2:

I don't say nothing. I support it, do you For the show. But what? Listen, I have a light mind with bank because I don't see way too much stuff and I don't put anything past any human being. I don't think I don't put nothing because I've seen. First of all, I've seen how my family done did me, the people that tell you they love you and I ain't got no choice with them. Exactly my friends done did me a certain type of way. Teammates done did me a certain type of way I done seen way too much stuff. The women that I've chosen, that I've given my heart to have done some things, and I'm like I gotta take that on the chain. I don't put nothing past nobody. So you got my support, but just understand what that come with. I'm telling you.

Speaker 1:

But you know what I gotta ask, because you say you know, I gave my heart to someone and they did this, but what did you do first?

Speaker 2:

I hold myself accountable for anything I done, been I guess you could say unfaithful.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

Live my life, but this ain't a tip for Tatthane though. So to your point, wherever you trying to go with that is never a tip for that thing. I'm not saying that's right, but they call it, but it ain't about, it ain't about coping if you ain't, if that ain't who you are, if you ain't about that, don't do it, just leave that's all you gotta do, but they don't want to leave, so the alternative is to do what you do you definitely ain't gonna hurt me, no bro.

Speaker 1:

And that type of way.

Speaker 2:

I think that, but maybe they didn't know that.

Speaker 3:

Do you think women love unconditional, men love unconditional. We talked about that one time.

Speaker 1:

On that I don't think I think there's conditions to everybody's love, is it's just given the right situation. I think I would like to think that I love someone unconditionally, but I know, if you put me in the right situation, that love is going to go away because you're going to wear me out.

Speaker 3:

I ain't gonna say that because you could love your mom and dad under this.

Speaker 1:

No, I kept look with space.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, but you still love them. Yeah, I still love them.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but I don't have to engage you. I can love you, but I don't have to engage you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I feel like man we love unconditionally.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, because when they get, we get you. We don't care what you got, we don't care Now, we just that's a lie now.

Speaker 1:

I don't agree with that. I'm just saying I don't agree with that. Men do care what you got Now that we go, I ain't tell you all that bro Bitch, what you got going on, I ain't gonna care about nothing I ain't doing that now. No grown men will say like in the beginning oh, I'm talking about right now. Girl, I ain't say that. Hey man, we got to match my energy.

Speaker 3:

That what they said. We match your energy. Who doing what you doing there, baby?

Speaker 1:

They ain't gonna do that for me backwards, okay, I just want to be clear for the folk who listening they care what you got.

Speaker 3:

People got to understand people not going to go into the relationship at this point in our lives the same way you would went into it from the beginning. Like when you just fresh on love and fresh on you know what I'm saying Give me your heart out and fresh, like, even though you say you gave your heart out three times, three and a half times that two and a half didn't get that same. Like that first time I'm here, down what you say. I'm just saying it's impossible because you, I don't know, I can't say different.

Speaker 3:

Learn if you did, you get your heart broke by the first. Whenever you get your heart broke, bro, it's impossible to love another woman the same way the one that broke that's impossible I got she might give me for that, but I Got.

Speaker 2:

My heart broke on my mama bro.

Speaker 3:

And we all did like.

Speaker 2:

For me that been a part of the. The choice is From an experienced standpoint. You know certain things that happen, like even even in adult years. You know that had that has an effect. You know what I'm saying and I love my mama dearly, bro. I'm not judging her, no, nothing. But these are the things that you carry with you. You know what I'm saying and I do a lot of work. I'm still working on me every day and I've grown, I've gotten so much better.

Speaker 2:

But to your point, like you said at the beginning of this is certain things that happen that you can't. You can't change that, you can't unwire the way that you already that that system is set. You know I'm saying and and then it's crazy because whether it's an environment thing or all of these things, you got great energy. I Don't think you walking around him, people just like me. I'll bro this down the third and they might be that. It might not, but you still see what you see. You're part of the conversation, you're part of you. You you see how men and women moving. Is this it just you can't not, you can't put your blinders on to be like I just never love that. That's a part of and then when you see, like I Always question, like what somebody tell you they love you and then they just go off for say some, while I'm like bro, how you.

Speaker 1:

You know, josh, you'll be like they say, they love me. And then and I ain't talking about your family, talking about personal relationship- but, then it's like you say, but then they didn't follow through on that. But you got to take into consideration how you broke the trust. So love is not gonna be the same.

Speaker 2:

Like I mean be like saying, man be like saying love me.

Speaker 1:

I'm gonna hurt you, I'm a devastating you, but love me, regardless of what I do, or leave me, and spend the rest of my life trying to fix this.

Speaker 3:

I understand that.

Speaker 1:

But you know what?

Speaker 3:

you and I apologize for that. But what can I do? If you try 100% to be the total, a totally different person, you apologize. If I say, okay, I can't, we can't, I'm never walk away from this, I get your 100% or the person you say you want. If I do that and I'm still talking about some old shit, what can I do with that?

Speaker 2:

bang. Why do people cheat I?

Speaker 3:

don't know why women cheat dudes that cheat Jack, cuz I feel Cuz ain't no reason, I feel like a women cheat cheat to replace you some Cuz we know like, okay, I fuck, what about shit? Fuck, I think I'm down to you. Show you it's fuck all right. Hey, hey, on faith time. Hey, she found that. Don't call me no more. That's what that is. Whoo-whoo, whatever I need to do, stand half a 10 years straight. That's what I'm. You know I'm saying whatever. I'm just saying like, but a woman, she damn no, she get caught. She, she down there looking at both y'all like I don't know who to choose.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no, but woman, she have foot already out the door. Thank you.

Speaker 2:

She gone, so why not leave Trying to make sure?

Speaker 3:

Sure, make sure he's like I'm in comfort, but I'm out of love. Yeah, I'm in love over here, but they love don't pay no bill, so I'm always just staying comfortable.

Speaker 2:

You're not definitely people getting into a relationship not for love.

Speaker 3:

No, they get in it for love at first and then what's it?

Speaker 1:

happen? Yeah, it's not now.

Speaker 3:

Like I said, this ain't the time you ain't locked in. It's over with the offense changes you.

Speaker 1:

First of all, there is a such thing as somebody wearing you down, wearing you out, I don't care how much you love you can. There's such thing as somebody being warned. I have. So I got lucky, love you to death, but you wear me out. I'm out so. I don't love you from over there.

Speaker 2:

So the reason why I asked that bank, cuz it's like I feel like a lot of time women I'm focused on like break you cheap, right, and even though you just said like we gonna do, we gonna be on whatever time we, but it's like your significant other will ignore the fact that you trying to talk to tell how you feel ain't no respect in the career, it's a lot of respect you if you out there. Yeah, you ain't got nothing to go. It ain't got nothing to go there.

Speaker 3:

Once you got caught up. You owe me, bro. You owe me to make me completely happy.

Speaker 2:

But I'm talking about. I'm talking about prior to that.

Speaker 1:

That's why I asked you, because I just had a, but listen to me it ain't got nothing to do with the violation.

Speaker 2:

You know what a lot of times where it go wrong in relationship is like the man trying to be on whatever he on, be a communicator, you know, show up for this, do that. And then the woman, for whatever reason, she like brah, I'm good. I don't want to hear that today Did it, it does so it's like it ain't got nothing to do with how breath feel or what he doing. So then when the man is, you know, saying getting a little energy, or he just on what he on, now you want to pinpoint that.

Speaker 2:

So she did Everything everything that doesn't happen prior to that.

Speaker 1:

That's why I was asking Because I've been dismissive, then yeah, you driving that man and somebody else arms.

Speaker 3:

If she being dismissive and not but but if you hurt, you don't know how you, you don't know how you coming out. Same thing you say if you, if you hurt, right, if the woman hurt, she don't know that, she being dismissive because she feel like you gotta make me not feel how I still feel About this shit, yeah, that right there I can hear then you saying, bro, you might want to shut the fuck up and fix this yeah, I agree with you on that, but why are you?

Speaker 3:

why you feeling like I need to fix this. You fucking me up, mo, you pushing me on hold, on, do it now. I gotta watch you, mm-hmm, because it's like you ain't you a. You ain't hearing me trying to fix it or seeing it, so now it becomes impossible.

Speaker 1:

You're not reassuring her.

Speaker 3:

I'm reassuring you by trying to still communicate with you, who ain't saying anything, saying nothing. If I'm still talking to you, still arguing with you, still picking up the phone like they know you tripping, I'm saying this okay, now, when I stop talking, like, yeah, what you think how it goes, takes you back, you gonna take me shit. They're long got damn stupid. Oh, okay, shit, I'm through talking.

Speaker 2:

Hey what? What are you? I work though, baby.

Speaker 3:

I can't fix what I fucked it up, true, anybody, anybody like through these years I'm, but I I feel like me I'm just a lawyer. Well, not lawyer, I ain't gonna say lawyer whatever y'all cuz I just feel like I'm a person. Once I give my heart I try with up no sense. So that's just what it is. But you gonna do you, but you gonna try whatever I'm gonna say do me what's do me, do what you want to do, whatever that is.

Speaker 3:

But no, I told him to give a hundred first before I just do that. You know I'm saying I've done me the worst is a little worse way. So I understand the trauma in the. I understand how that is is total my fault. Whatever that I receive is my fault. But at the end of the day I can't keep living right now. I can't keep living in that moment, right? Is it like me crying the same way I cry every day about with my grandma past Everyday for the rest of my life? I can't keep living in that moment. I gotta now put her in a better place in my mind and on my heart and do something else, right?

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

No, that's, that's deep. What do you Feel? That if you could Advise a room full of young men and young women? What do you feel is something that Relationships need in order to thrive and be successful?

Speaker 3:

I feel like, first of all, you need to know who you is before you even try to be with somebody. I'm a jet, the main part of it. You gotta know who you is so you can get a personal choice from the beginning not falling love somebody, then y'all in love with each other. Then you find out who you is, why y'all in love now, you being somebody else or they being somebody else, and this Shit just a whole bunch of scribble-scrabble, not real she's. You gotta know who you is.

Speaker 2:

It you know I'm saying Is there anything that's happened or that you've done to somebody that you have, that you feel that you haven't forgiven yourself for?

Speaker 3:

Hey, yeah, I ain't forget myself for a lot of shit, man, when it come. Well, I really have now. That's why I feel like, but it was for a long time I'm. I forgive the times that I seen my wife crying like that shit, no, saying boss, some shit I done did. I can't like it, but that's why I feel like you can start a relationship so young and be growing up and still don't know shit. I met her today, who she was today and I'm who I am today.

Speaker 3:

We'll have no problem Like we won't be going back for only why we go back and forth is because of shit that I've done. That's it. Other than that, we have no problem.

Speaker 2:

You got any deal breakers? Huh, you got any deal breakers.

Speaker 3:

Disrespect in the form.

Speaker 2:

To your point though what? What is that disrespect? Look like, because I, because I felt like you separated, like if I've done something, she coming at me crazy, but what?

Speaker 3:

is yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That disrespect is like I'm just like you ain't coming home or some shit, like shit, you ain't been at home, she ain't at home, she ain't at home, shit like that, like, oh man, you turn your location up, I don't know something, just disrespect, shit, shit. That made me feel like fuck me to my core. You know what I'm saying. I don't feel like that.

Speaker 2:

What are some of the things that you get, that you kid, get my kid.

Speaker 3:

They grew up with us. I'm gonna get out to my grandparent. I ain't get him shit, I just talk shit. What are some?

Speaker 2:

of them, life lessons.

Speaker 3:

Look like Nah nah, they my best friend, my daughter, she 30, my son 27,. My other baby, 21. He be all over the place. He don't fuck with me right now, but they grown so, coming up, I just always showed them shit Like life lessons, like how shit go, like got me going through it, explaining to them what I went through. This is what happened. I did this and this, how this went. You know what I'm saying? Basically, shit like I can't even you know what I'm saying. Talk about just different shit. And I push you. You ain't got a word for nobody. You work for yourself. I've been pushing that on them forever. You know what I'm saying. You can start out work for somebody, but you can do this shit just yourself. So all of them entrepreneurs and shit basically. And if you ain't ready to learn, nobody don't try it. Don't try it, don't try it. If you ain't ready, you gotta be ready for that shit. You gotta be ready for that shit.

Speaker 2:

So if you could do it again, because I know you mentioned where you are now, but what would be like an ideal age for you, for bank, to start a relationship?

Speaker 3:

If I could do it again and know what I know now, I could start at 16.

Speaker 2:

If I know what I know now, but if you didn't but you have the chance to yeah if you didn't know what would you say, would be your best age when you start saying like okay, at this point.

Speaker 3:

What I was doing. Before I, like I was having I probably wouldn't even know what I was doing Like. What would I have been doing? Like what kind of life would I have? I mean by like me yeah.

Speaker 2:

If it, if it's still a part of your maturity and your process.

Speaker 3:

I probably. If I wouldn't admit her, I probably have baby mommas and shit like that. I probably ain't never got married.

Speaker 2:

I probably ain't never been in a relationship, because I also feel like yeah, I also feel like two the things that you see, like that helps navigate these spaces too. You know what I'm saying, like how you can come at a situation on grip.

Speaker 3:

Like that's what her family come from. People married like nobody even married them. I'm like married with it. That's his bitch, or this is baby momma. You know what I'm saying? He's like I guess that hurt too A lot, not even knowing like the meaning of that shit.

Speaker 1:

She asked me to marry her.

Speaker 3:

I'm gonna say yeah.

Speaker 1:

You say yeah.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, but I said yeah just because I loved it so much. I ain't wanna lose it. I ain't know like we often ain't got nothing to be. There's a contract to this. You gotta read this and this how you be married. I'm just saying we feel to be together forever. Nah, I switch in this In 21. What I was? 21, 22? Huh.

Speaker 2:

Nah, that makes sense, and switching gears and this dope. I ain't never, I've never met a person that said nah. My wife asked me, but I know you was talking about like, how you're, how you feel in regards to your grandmother, is there something that's left? And if your grandmother was here, like what would you say to her? Is there something that? Is there something unresolved? Is you know what I mean?

Speaker 3:

Nah, nah nah, I just tell her you're right, and I knew you were right when you telling her to about everything. I ain't let you tell her man, shit, she right. She tell my wife that boy ain't gonna never leave you.

Speaker 2:

She love the other deaf too.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, they were right out there, she a little thot up, but she right, she the kid Joe, she right I hit a pry out, bro. What a look man.

Speaker 2:

She tell my, I'm gonna be a pastor though, oh shit.

Speaker 3:

I'm gonna be a pastor. I'm gonna be a pastor, though. Real shit, I'm looking we in front of Mike's Shit. That's our congregation, that's right. Like she, real shit. She go like we in the pool pit.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 3:

Nah this was dope.

Speaker 2:

I appreciate you, appreciate you.

Speaker 3:

You know, I told her what's your sign, Tars. Oh my God.

Speaker 1:

What.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I knew it.

Speaker 1:

How you know.

Speaker 3:

I know them tar.

Speaker 1:

What's that with the Torah?

Speaker 3:

Did? I been with her for 28 years. She saying is that she sound like.

Speaker 2:

But yeah, man, but we definitely appreciate you, bro, for taking your time.

Speaker 3:

I appreciate you. Man you got me feeling, feeling away a little bit.

Speaker 2:

Man, I love you big dog, like I really really, really appreciate you man Just as a solid man, bro, and what you doing in the community as a husband, as a father man and as a leader you know what I'm saying. Like you've lived a life that most people you know what I mean Couldn't couldn't really understand or dive into, and the fact that you've been able to make it and overcome so many different obstacles I should be shaking in the mouth.

Speaker 3:

That's why I stand you for faith. Let them know, like shit ain't all good, but it's all good. You know what I'm saying. It's all good. Could we able to do it? Some people ain't able to do it what we from. You know what I'm saying, but shit man, hey man, you got to go through shit, everything be shake. Sometimes you have to step back from shit to see shit for what it really is. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, but when it ain't that, it ain't that. When it daddy that, that is that. That is that. When it daddy that, that makes it, though. You know, I know.

Speaker 2:

You know what I'm saying. You know, I know, man, but we appreciate you, brother. Catch y'all next time, man. Relationships matter. I need to understand relationships matter.