Relationships Matter Live

The Other Mrs: Cocoa Brown

• Chanel N. Scott and Josh Powell

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What happens when you awaken to the fact that your marriage isn’t even legally binding? Cocoa Brown opens up about her journey through a turbulent relationship, marked by her partner’s insecurities and controlling behavior, which she initially ignored. Listen as Cocoa recounts the strain this put on her family life, leading her to seek a healthier environment for her son and the shocking discovery that made her separation easier. This episode underscores the crucial need for healthy relationships and the red flags that shouldn't be overlooked.

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Opposing experiences, a single woman and a married man, Chanel Scott, and Josh Powell, create a powerful and empathetic team, offering valuable insights and advice on navigating the complexities of romantic relationships and promoting healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Join Chanel and Josh as they unlock the secrets of successful relationships one conversation at a time.


Speaker 1:

I ignored a lot of signs, a lot of signs. Some of that stuff was really in my face and I ignored it. You know his insecurities and you know he had a problem with me working Like brother. I could have never worked with you. He just saw you and be like no, he want to get with you. No, because you're a handsome guy, and he literally would cancel. He wanted to be my manager. So I let him be my manager, trying to let my man be a part of my life and my career. Come to find out he was turning down shows because the promoter was too fine. You know he didn't like the way the promoter looked. You know it was that it was all these things. But I saw them in the beginning but I was ignoring them because I just was on this tunnel vision of get married, have a baby, get married, have a baby, have a family.

Speaker 1:

Once we got in, the marriage became borderline, abusive. You know a lot of gaslighting, narcissism, you know, and it took me having my son for me to wake up and realize I didn't want my son to grow up and think this was normal, that a man doesn't work and a woman provides for him and he gets to sit around and reap the benefits. A man who constantly belittles a woman and makes her feel less than because he doesn't feel good about himself. A man who, if he can't do what he wants to do, he just gives up. There were so many aspects that I saw, and having this little boy made me go. I don't want my son growing up thinking this is normal, this is how you treat a woman and it's okay.

Speaker 1:

And that was one of the main catalysts that I walked away when my child was seven months old and during the course of me going to seek, you know, a divorce lawyer is how I found out. It was so funny, you know. She was like well, girl, you know, you're probably going to end up having to give him alim child. You got it social. I said, yeah, of course I do. So she did some research. She called me into her office one day and she said I got good news and I got bad news and I said well, what's up?

Speaker 2:

She said what you want? First I said just give me the good news. She goes you ain't married. Welcome to Relationships Matter. I'm Chanel Scott.

Speaker 3:

And I am Josh Powell.

Speaker 2:

We have an amazing guest here with us today, Ms Coco Brown. How are you?

Speaker 1:

I'm good, I'm good. How are you guys doing?

Speaker 2:

Doing well. I know that's right. We're so excited to have you. Thank you, and so you know, the topic of the show is Relationships Matter. So we're just going to kick this conversation off and I'm going to ask you why do relationships matter to you?

Speaker 1:

Well, first of all, I'm in the industry and being in the TV and film industry, the entertainment industry as a whole relationships matter a lot. You know it gets to a point that you want to just be called and offered something because of your relationship with somebody Planting those seeds that come back to you tenfold. Because you've impacted somebody. You know in a way that they want to help you, they want to open a door for you. More than ever in recent months for me, my relationships mattering to me really came forefront when I lost my home in a fire and the people that came to my aid from Tyler Perry, marlon Wayans, tiffany Haddish, chris Tucker I mean it was just a floodgate and it was based on those relationships that I had made throughout the years with all these people that whatever I did to impact them, to move them, they felt compelled to help me and I know that that was because of the relationships I had made with them.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 3:

Speaking on those relationships and being in the industry. How, how easy or difficult is it to remain you? Because I know I know a little bit about you, know the industry, so you know, and obviously with all of the news that we hear on a daily basis, nothing in particular that we hear on a daily basis, nothing in particular. But you know the success or lack thereof it depends on what you do, how you sway. You know you name some heavy hitters, so you know how has that journey been for you to remain Ms Brown.

Speaker 1:

Honestly, it has been a journey of discovering who I was. I am very transparent when I tell people I became Coco Brown because I thought Farrah Brown wasn't good enough. I didn't come into this industry because I knew I had this gift. That came later. It really came in that I was trying to recreate myself because in my mind I thought I wasn't good enough. That's when I saw my relationships change, where the superficial ones fell off and they became very evident that they were only attached to me for who they thought I was, and those who begin to know me and who I was were the ones that stayed put. So over the course of me finding out who I was, I became very comfortable in the skin I was given and not trying to cover it up.

Speaker 3:

How are you with you now?

Speaker 1:

Oh, I love me I love you.

Speaker 3:

Answer me, honey, okay.

Speaker 1:

I am me 24, seven. Would love it or leave it baby.

Speaker 2:

So, coco, how do you balance your career in the industry with your romantic relationship?

Speaker 1:

You know, um, you gotta definitely find somebody who understands. I was busy, you know, and when I make time for you, that is significant, you know, because not only am I in an industry that's very demanding, there was one point in my life I was on five TV shows at the same time. So I was between LA, new Orleans, north Carolina, new York, atlanta, just going, and in the midst of that my free time was dedicated to me being a mother and then trying to have a relationship in that I cannot be with someone who does not have a life outside of that, that does not have their own goals, their own ambitions. You know, because when we come together, we cherish that time. You know, I can't be with someone needy. Right, you know, we need each other, but we can't be needy. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. So having someone who has a life and goals and ambitions of their own, it works out, because the time we do spend together we cherish a lot more. You know, because we know that we have these other things more in our lives.

Speaker 3:

What do you learn about yourself in the different dynamics of relationship? You know a successful woman you talked about being a mother, you know. And then being in a relationship and I know you got family, you got friends. Like, how do you balance? You know, making time for those things or those people that are, you know, important to you?

Speaker 1:

One I am very big on a calendar. Don't expect me to remember nothing. You know my assistants have learned that quickly that don't tell Ms Brown something and think she gonna remember 20 minutes later. Also, a lot of accountability partners in my life, people who remind me what about this responsibility? Oh girl, you committed to this or you said you were coming and then for me, I just have this mantra of I don't think about it, I just do.

Speaker 1:

There was a period in the last four years that I was taking care of both of my parents who were ailing very sickly and they ended up passing away a few years ago and I took care of them.

Speaker 1:

I became a caregiver in the midst of everything else I had going on and I look back on it and I'm like how did I balance taking care of two, six parents taking care of their affairs? You know all of that, you know nurses, you know doctor's appointments, then being a mother being present for my child, then being all these TV shows at the same time, and I realized I went into autopilot and it was a matter of just doing and not thinking about it, but being cognitive of how I did it at the same time and it wasn't like an over thought out process, it just was done, and so it proved to me that I can do a very good balancing act, and those who understand what I'm up against and what I'm you know, the responsibilities I have they stay put and they wait for me to reach out. They wait, they understand that when I do reach out, that's pretty special because I've got so much going on.

Speaker 2:

So I had an opportunity to spend some time with you. Yep, enjoy my cooking. Girl Dip the collard greens. Listen.

Speaker 1:

I've had two requests to make those greens this week.

Speaker 2:

Yes, I mean the collard greens, all of it was amazing Like, but the collard greens and the yams, oh, thank you. And the cornbread.

Speaker 1:

That's Nellie's recipe. Look at the ham Nellie's recipe. To my grandma it was amazing. I had to cook it before I could walk.

Speaker 2:

It was amazing. So I learned a little bit about your backstory. Right, You've been married before right, and this relationship took place while you were in the industry and you kind of gave me some context about that marriage. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Speaker 1:

I met my ex-husband through a friend and it was a whirlwind romance. We were engaged in four months, married nine months later and it's so funny because he wasn't the ideal image of the man I thought I'd marry. Okay, and you know, I like a good ball player, but I, you know, I'd never been with a linebacker. Okay, because you know, it's like you know how are we going to do this. At the time, I was much larger, but he just won my heart. It was like you know, it's like you know how are we going to do this. At the time, I was much larger, but he just won my heart. It was like you know, it's being swept off my feet.

Speaker 1:

We were married and then, as soon as we got married and I mean when I say as soon as we got married stuff started coming out that had been hidden from me. One was that this woman that he claimed was his ex-wife was really his wife. Wow, and of course, he and his mother were like no, no, no, she's lying, she's crazy. We got you, you know, we'll handle it. I'm like, okay, I let it go. Uh, three years later and a child I found out that really is his wife.

Speaker 2:

Now you say you guys, how long did you date?

Speaker 1:

before. We dated for four months before we were engaged and nine months later we were married. Wow.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So if you had to do that all over again, what would that process look like?

Speaker 1:

Oh, a background check immediately. I do background checks just for fun, but I also had to really sit back and do some inner work on me because I saw a lot of signs and I realized that I married my ex in desperation. I was 48 years old. I desperately wanted to be a mother. I promised my grandmother on her deathbed that I would be the one grandchild that did it right and got married first, then had a baby. Um, I knew he wasn't the ideal guy that I wanted, but he was the guy giving me attention.

Speaker 1:

At that moment I realized my ex husband could have been anybody at that time in my life, in the frame of mind I was in of get married, have a baby, have a family, you know. And I ignored a lot of signs, a lot of signs. Some of that stuff was really in my face and I ignored it. You know his insecurities and you know he had a problem with me working like brother. I could have never worked with you. He just saw you and be like no, he want to get with you. No, because you're a handsome guy, and he literally would cancel.

Speaker 1:

He wanted to be my manager. So I let him be my manager, trying to let my man be a part of my life in my career, come to find out he was turning down shows because promoter was too fine. You know he didn't like the way the promoter looked. You know it was all these things but I saw them in the beginning but I was ignoring them because I just was on this tunnel vision of get married, have a baby, get married, have a baby, have a family. So I couldn't blame him totally for the deception.

Speaker 2:

How did you interpret that behavior, though at the time he just loved?

Speaker 1:

me. Okay, that's not, though. At the time he just loved me. Okay, he just loved me. You know he wanted to protect me. He, my big old bear, you know I, I really gave myself, you know, excuses for the behavior that, uh, once we got in the marriage became borderline abusive.

Speaker 1:

You know, a lot of gaslighting narcissism, you know, and it took me having my son for me to wake up and realize I didn't want my son to grow up and think this was normal, that a man doesn't work and a woman provides for him and he gets to sit around and reap the benefits. A man who constantly belittles a woman and makes her feel less than because he doesn't feel good about himself. A man who, if he can't do what he wants to do, he just gives up, like it was so many aspects that I saw and having this little boy made me go. I don't want my son growing up thinking this is normal, this is how you treat a woman, this is and it's okay, and that was one of the main catalysts that I walked away when my child was seven months old and during the course of me going to seek, you know, a divorce lawyer is how I found out.

Speaker 1:

It was so funny, you know. She was like well, girl, you know you're probably going to end up having to give him alimony. This is California and I'm like I can't believe I got to pay for this man. Okay, what's the deal? She said well, most ballplayers love to hide some money. Child, you got to social. I said yeah, of course I do no-transcript that marriage I said what could be the bad news?

Speaker 2:

she goes you ain't married we're gonna have to put a pin there. When we come back, we're gonna continue this story with miss coco brown. Relationships matter, coco Brown, relationships Matter. Welcome back to Relationships Matter. So before we went to break, coco just said she found out she was not married. She's not married.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean, she was like you're not married. And I said what are you talking about? And she said, sweetie, he has a whole wife and child in Las Vegas, nevada. And I said, excuse me. And then, when she said the name, I said he's been telling me, and his entire family has been telling me since we've been married, that that's his ex. She said, oh no, baby, there's no divorce. She goes, you, you're about to get everything. And I just remember sitting there in shock, like half of me is like praise, praise, god. I don't have to write this man a check, but I'm like what? Like you sat there and watched my parents plan a sixty thousand dollar wedding. You watched my parents give me my dream wedding. You sat there, your family, everything, and this whole time you knew I'm. This wasn't even legit, this wasn't even real. And I'm thinking to myself well, if you was trying to come up, brother, your game is weak because you should have been treating me like a queen, so I would never find out Right, and otherwise you treat me like doo doo.

Speaker 2:

You know supporting cast with the family, knowing the whole family knew.

Speaker 1:

And what's crazy is I found this out later that a friend of mine who was one of my bridesmaids was at the reception and one of his family members literally said this and they tried to play it off. But she knows, she heard it and she said girl, we all about to come up off this B? Yeah. And she heard her say it and she said what did you say? None, and she kind of scurried off. Well, Wow. Isn't that crazy.

Speaker 3:

I know, brother, I'm going to start with accountability. Yeah, and for me, I get really frustrated as a man to hear men behave in a way and this is not me judging him or his family, because I'm always about being fair and that's not on my spirit to do it Because I spoiled his family, so I set it up.

Speaker 3:

It's just as a man, as a, as a leader, as a protector, a provider, a nurturer, a lover, all of these different things that we are supposed to be. It just really bothers me, you know, to hear that people are moving in such a way, men or women, but especially like because I'm a man. So I wanted to address you know what I mean, that first. But then I wanted to jump into this question because it is huge, and then I want, you know, chanel, to, you know, to take a deeper dive on this family thing, because people got to understand the rules. That's going on and how this game is being played. Um, aside from our accountability on what we do or don't do, a lot of women, that same moment that you had of I'm in this space, I want to do it right. I'm gonna force the situation like what can we do to get away from that? Because I'm not saying I don't understand where a woman is coming from. You know what I mean. I don't understand where a woman is coming from. You know what I mean.

Speaker 3:

I don't think anything is wrong with wanting love. I don't think anything is wrong with wanting a family. I don't think anything is wrong with this vision, but the fact that so many women will either rush it right or they'll mark it off the checklist Because it's kind of like a part of their identity not yours, but in other situations where it's like, well, yeah, I done been married, I done had kids, so now it's like, now that I've, you know, marked that off, we on to the next thing. But what it's doing is it's causing a lot of damage, because now, for the man and for the woman, depending on the amount of pain and what's going on then, when you bring children into that, right, you seem like a solid woman. You know, I'm getting to know you throughout this conversation, but there there aren't women who move like you. Right, I don't know how you are as a mom, but I'm just feeling like your spirit right, but I'm just just going off of your spirit in the conversation, right, um.

Speaker 3:

But there are a lot of women and men, but for what I'm saying, right now, there are a lot of women who are moving away, where they get to what they want, and then it's like havoc after that well, women having children as purses.

Speaker 1:

That's what I like to say let me have. Women having children and treating them like purses. I've seen that with my own eyes. The women who want the purse, the trinket, the showpiece, they want the marriage as a showpiece. When I was reading up on some of the statistics of marriage, especially in this city, and to find out the amount of women who marry gay men just for the facade, say what yeah, brother.

Speaker 3:

In this city and to find out the amount of women who marry gay men just for the facade.

Speaker 1:

Say what In this city? Yes, sir, they will marry a man. They know what made you look that up. That's a stat. I'm nosy and I like. That's how I get my material. I'm always researching and looking up stuff.

Speaker 3:

I wouldn't think they marry gay men.

Speaker 1:

I stumbled across it that women are marrying gay men and they're letting them still have their lifestyle as long as he provides the facade of the family.

Speaker 3:

I'm about to throw my mic.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah. And it's not just here, it's across the board. And that comes with me because I research a lot, you know, for my material.

Speaker 3:

You just gave me like so much confirmation because in some things like I act green intentionally.

Speaker 1:

But I know a lot.

Speaker 3:

And it's like, when you see how people move, it's like I ain't going to go there, I'm going to leave that alone, especially because in certain communities it's like it's untouchable, but to know that people are moving in that way, you know Anyway.

Speaker 1:

I'll go back to your initial question.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, Cause I want to.

Speaker 1:

I want to see how we can. How?

Speaker 3:

can we bless people, cause that's that's about to take me somewhere else. But how can we bless people, like, from what you know? Now let me propose, let me propose the question correctly, so, with what you know now, with your experience, how do we grow as men and women? But how do we make better decision making in the dating field and not put ourselves in problematic relationships or create even worse dynamics because we're not patient or because we're looking for the wrong thing?

Speaker 1:

So, yeah, I can't speak for anybody else, but I can tell you my journey Um. I was raised very traditionally Southern.

Speaker 3:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I had a two parent household. Mom was a teacher, dad was a pipe fitter. You know, uh, my mother came from what could be considered the wrong side of the tracks. My dad came from long black money. My father came from very high yellow people that the tracks. My dad came from long black boule money. My father came from very high yellow people that could pass. My mother came from hardworking blue collar. You know maids and and and and and and you know carpenters, things like that. And my parents met married and you know I I credit my parents that they both gave me both sides of the tracks.

Speaker 1:

I spent half my summer in tees with Jack and Jill and half my summers running through the projects getting an icy cup with jellies on. Ok, I got to see both sides of the world. So that gave me the ability to float wherever I can, you know, and be comfortable. But it also gave me the situation where I was told. Basically, when I told my parents I was going to become a comic, they looked at me like I was crazy. Basically, when I told my parents I was going to become a comic, they looked at me like I was crazy because my job was to go to college, get a degree, meet a great man, get married, have babies and come to my parents for house after church so our women are receiving that information well, I can't speak for women now, because I think it's a different breed of women out here now that's fair, but I think it also kills the narrative too, because a lot, of, a lot of people especially when you look on social media they want to say anything outside of what we look like.

Speaker 3:

They're being told a whole different thing and here you are confirming like no. When I was brought up, my mom, my dad, gave me the game on I'm supposed to get married have a kid, do this, do that and see.

Speaker 1:

But my mom also realized that she used to always say you know, I raised you to be a wife and a mother, but I also raised you to be too independent.

Speaker 2:

Too independent.

Speaker 1:

She said and I should have taught you how to balance the two, because she could see it in a lot of my relationships. I was the boss, fair, I ran it. I ran it. But she realized she taught me that that's fair. You know, I'm saying cuz, even though she made my father. He was the king of the castle, he was head of the household. My father was one of those men that came home from the shipyard, handed my mom his hurts you know his check and she wrote all the bills Right. And so I watched my mother run a household and I didn't realize that in the midst of her running that household she also was pressing this man's uniform. She was also making sure he had a hot meal. When he came home, like she was balancing the two, I just saw a woman handling everything. So I had the theory kind of twisted.

Speaker 1:

So it took me to actually get married and then also realize that I don't like this position of being the man of the house. Yeah, I don't like this position of being the provider. I don't like this position of being the man of the house. Yeah, I don't like this position of being the provider. I don't like this position. It should be evenly yoked. I shouldn't be doing this all myself and he's sitting around. This doesn't feel right. This doesn't feel right.

Speaker 3:

I'm so glad yeah, well, we're going to cut the break in a minute, but I'm so glad you said it because I just want to acknowledge before I know Chanel wants to go into the balance piece but I just think it's important for people to hear that because we don't, especially people that look like us.

Speaker 3:

We don't never hear that side of things and to have that level of understanding right, because typically it's villainized when you hear a lot of, you know, black women, um, or women of color you know, talk about their upbringing or why they are the way that they are, and then on our side it's like, well, we don't want to deal with that and it's that in the third and I'm not saying that either party is right or wrong, but understanding is so powerful. So, to hear you and how you articulated that, I hope that men, when they watch this, can get a chance to and get a sense of OK, I need to show a little bit more grace. Maybe there are some questions or some things that I can ask, because we're passing over good women because of their upbringing Right now. That doesn't excuse other behaviors, but at least it gives context to the conversation.

Speaker 1:

Why can't she be submissive?

Speaker 3:

Why can't she?

Speaker 1:

let me lead. Um, I know for me. I said I watched my mother run the household and, mind you, my dad was the king of the castle. You know what I'm saying. He was the disciplinarian. You know my father took care of the yard, anything broken, that house, I mean, he was very much a man's man, you know, and I remember times that you know my dad would have my brother out there and he'd call me.

Speaker 1:

So I'm out there learning how to change brake pads, change a headlight, put in fluids, check your oil pressure, and my mom would say she don't need to know all that, some man going to do it for her. And my dad would literally say, just in case he don't, she do, and she's going to make her too independent, he's like, well, so it's like I literally would go into relationships and With, and I had to watch the damsels in distress. I have friends who I consider pillow princesses. They don't do nothing but breathe with their man. Nothing but breathe, he does everything.

Speaker 1:

And I used to think that was so odd, like I couldn't understand. Like you don't do nothing, you just get up and get dressed, like you know, because I watched two people have their dynamic, and then also to how I was raised, where, even though I cook and I clean, I take care of my man. I raised my children, I'm also handling this household, I'm paying the bills, I'm making sure my man is good. I grew up with something very traditional, if you want to call it traditional and then to get into relationships. I didn't know how to sit back and be that damsel in distress.

Speaker 3:

So when we get back I know Chanel wants to ask you about balance, but maybe we can dive into the damsel Relationships matter, Relationships matter.

Speaker 2:

Welcome back to Relationships Matter. So before we went to break we were talking. Something you said stuck out to me in terms of not wanting to be the provider but also being overly independent, and that's something that I struggle with. I don't want to be the provider, but how do you balance not being overly independent or wanting to, like you say you run the relationship independent, or wanting to, like you say you run the relationship? Most times in situations where I've been in situations like that, I'll give the person an opportunity to step up and do, but then if I don't think you're doing, then I'm one of those type of people that'll just have the takeover spirit.

Speaker 1:

The hardest part is being an independent woman who handles hers, because I've been on my own since I was 20 years old. I had my first apartment. I've just always been built that way. I was 20 years old, had my first apartment. I've just always been built that way. My mother used to always say, you know, she said my son came home and I couldn't get him out, my child left, my daughter left and never looked back, you know, and she knew that she had raised me that way. They raised me that way.

Speaker 1:

I hate to say it, but it's almost like playing a game of chess with a man. I've noticed just in this town you can't be too. I think we had this conversation at the house. You can't be too successful looking, because that black male ego, that black male pride, honey, is fragile. They've got to feel needed. They've got to feel like they're saving you to some degree. And if you're rolling up like everything is straight in your life and he can't save you, they like, oh, what can I bring to the table for what can I do? And I tell men all the time honey, what I need from you don't cost no money. You know what I'm saying. If you, I need emotional support. I need you to pray with me, brother. I need you to make me feel like I matter to you, I'm special to you, that you'll fight for me. I said all that ain't got no price tag on it. Now, if you just want to buy me purses, flew me out and all that, then I'm not the woman for you. I'll take it for a couple of months, but then I'm gonna move on. I'll keep it 100. I'll take it for a few monthsall complain about women not knowing how to cook or clean or do nothing.

Speaker 1:

I said but y'all created this monster. I said in my daddy's era there was a certain requirement for a woman to be even considered your woman or your wife. There were requirements. There was a bar. I said when y'all lowered that bar to just the size of a woman's booty, she ain't got to be nothing else. The size of a woman's booty, she ain't got to be nothing else as long as she can get the DR and get booty shots. When y'all lowered that standard that she ain't got to be nothing but a showpiece and a fat booty. You get what you get. She ain't got to be nothing else. But I come from an era that a man might play with you, but, wife you, you had to have certain qualities, you had to have certain things. It was a bar and y'all lowered that bar when you made it just the physical.

Speaker 1:

And then you look at a woman who has become successful. I'm successful, I'm. I've got money, I'm good. You know what I'm saying. I don't need a man to bail me out, pay for my business. I'm good. You know, even with the fire, I haven't even touched the donation money. I don't need to. That's going to go to my house when I build it, you know. But men need to feel needed and if they see a woman that's got too much, especially if he's a man that has not reached his full potential and he feels like he's less than in terms of what he's accomplished in his life and he meets a woman that's on some boss level, that's an immediate red flag for him. Red flag for him. I can't save her, not knowing that you could, brother, if you knew how to tap into that heart, if you knew how to feed her soul. It ain't about writing a check, bro.

Speaker 3:

And you made a lot of great points, so I want to acknowledge that first. But also, in fairness, I want to speak up for men. I don't think this way but because I've had to do a lot of work on my own for my own reasons my, my childhood and all of that.

Speaker 3:

But a lot of men are brother I appreciate it, I'm still on it, but a lot of men are only praised for the performance. So the the same. And and this is where grace kicks in, because what you said earlier was powerful, because it spoke to history, what you're being taught, cultures and all of that. But flip it, because it's no different for men, right, you have men who are being overly coddled by their mothers or whatever that is, or there's no man in the house, right? And we're talking about our era too. They're not seeing the example enough, you know.

Speaker 3:

And then there's the other examples on what this looks like and what is acceptable. You know what I mean. So we're looking at history and the damage from it, because a lot of people don't come from like your situation to be able to see that. You know what I mean From both sides and what's also powerful. What you said, too, is, even though you were taught what you were taught, you still took it in a way that it wasn't necessarily meant to be taken, so you had to learn that on your own.

Speaker 1:

I had to unlearn it. I had to unlearn some stuff I did, for example, like with your mom right.

Speaker 3:

So you were like, my parents did a hell of a job in how they raised me and all the things that they gave me, but then watching them go back and forth about well, she don't need to learn that. Well, yes, she do. Just, you know what I'm saying. So it's like for us men if we don't have that proper to this and I'm not trying to make an excuse, but it's just an understanding and if we can have that grace, because just like when, when a woman does come across a man who's on that type of time and then she's not ready, so then the man has to be that person to say, all right, this is what I need to do, because I value this relationship and it's the same for a woman. So I just wanted to point that out because it's very powerful.

Speaker 2:

You're saying a lot of great things and just with the questions, and all of that, what you said about, um, when a woman is not ready because today if a woman is not ready, he's not taking time with you at all, he's moving on.

Speaker 1:

They'll take time for what they want. That's why I tell women all the time and I say this in my standard, because I I do a lot of therapy on my stand-up because I just speak about my truths and what I've learned and through my healing in my stand-up I just have the gift to make it funny but I tell women you've got to see what you see. If this man is not choosing you, boo, he don't want you and ain't nothing you can do. Because the one thing I know about men and I've only had more experiences with black men when he wants you, it ain't nothing he will not do. He could be the goofiest, stupidest man you ever met. That just don't get it. But if you're what he wants, he will fight in a way that you will know I am the chosen one. If he's not doing that, you ain't it which is which is where I was.

Speaker 3:

You know you've already answered it, but you know that that's the other point too, because in these types of conversations it but you know that that's the other point too, because in these types of conversations it's not to confuse that message. There I thoroughly believe there are some people that have no business being in a relationship, oh god, yes, there are some people that don't need to be married, some people that don't need to be parents, like bruh. But that pocket of people I'm gonna move to the side. The pocket of people that's playing games I'm gonna move to the side. Like one thing I do know to piggyback off of what you said. Like if a man wants you, he gonna go through hell and hot water to to make sure that he shows you the effort he gonna fight.

Speaker 3:

And now if if she is appreciative of that or not, that's another conversation. But we're definitely gonna go above, above and beyond.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because you think about it. You ever seen a dude that is just going above and beyond for a woman and she treats him like total crap? Absolutely Because she's chosen.

Speaker 2:

But look, my point is this is that, on the one hand, a man will say you're too independent or you have this together or you got this right. And so then they feel like there's nothing they can do, because they're minus a dollar sign Right. But then on the flip side of things, if you're not there yet, then it's not enough, then you're not where I want you to be, so then I'm moving on. So then it's like what do you want? I ain't met them.

Speaker 1:

I ain't met them. Now it depends on the kind of man you're dealing with, because I know guys who are multimillionaires, I know a couple of billionaires, and they love women that ain't got a pot to piss in or one of the throw it out. They love having to provide every single need and want. They love that control. They love their pillow princesses. All she do is breathe. I know a lot of men who are super successful. They don't want a super successful counterpart because then it makes them have to constantly keep their game up and they like to do it in their own way, their own pace.

Speaker 1:

You're reminding him when you make accomplishments. I got to step my game up. Well, maybe he don't want to do it that week, that month, that year. So it's a double-edged sword. You've got to. I guess that's why I always say you've got to find someone you're evenly yoked with. And a lot of us cast that aside because it sounds biblical or old school. But it's so crucial that you have to find someone you're evenly yoked with that understands that maybe there may be times I'm up and you're here and vice versa, and even then we're still here, subconsciously, emotionally, no matter what's going on. There's no intimidation, there's no jealousy, there's no envy. You know we want each other other to win, but a lot of people, because of their own insecurities that they haven't accomplished this or whatever's going on with them, their childhoods, whatever they can't meet on that level because it's a competition out the gate.

Speaker 3:

I don't want no man, I'm competing with you know it's, and it's so powerful and, and as we go to break, one thing I want to mention, but I want to, I don't want to forget this question because when we come back, I want to ask you about, like, trust and the importance of that, but as we're going into break, um, it's, it's powerful. You say that because we've had three very powerful segments, right, and we've been talking about relationships the whole time. We haven't spoken to love, like we've lost. In my opinion, the actual purpose of a relationship is, you know, partnership, love, trust, like having somebody that you know, you're willing to do the ins and outs with. And it's so funny how this is why I feel the relationship conversation there's such a disconnect, because everything is about what you're doing for me, what I'm doing for you.

Speaker 1:

The foundation of most of these relationships have a price tag on them.

Speaker 3:

Thank you, they do, they do, and when we get back more with Ms Brown, relationships matter.

Speaker 2:

Welcome back to Relationships Matter. So I got to get in your business. Come on, get in there With everything that we've discussed about just being successful and independent. So now you're here, right, new relationship. How do you balance all of that and still be submissive with your man?

Speaker 1:

I let a man be a man. When you're trying to let a man be a man and lead and you see him about to take you all off a man. When you're trying to let a man be a man and lead and you see him about to take y'all off a cliff and you want to jump in and do what you know you can do. Right, it is the hardest thing, but you have to do it. You have to sometimes let y'all fall off the cliff. You have to let him see that you did that.

Speaker 3:

Thank you for saying that.

Speaker 1:

I'm serious, it's hard, it's so hard. But sometimes you really have to, because I said that that black male ego, that pride, is a mother and the minute you shake it and rattle it or make him doubt it, girl, you don't know what monster you're going to get from that. And it's like you have to sometimes let him lead you off that cliff as much as it may, because you know how you can fix it, you know how you can handle it. Um, there are times that you know, I let you know my new man. Just figure it out, and I know the solution. I'll be knowing the answer.

Speaker 1:

It be here just behind my teeth doing this and that's me on the phone like, well, yeah, just do what you're gonna do, because you gotta let him do it. It's almost like how I raised my son. I can see my son about to do some crazy crap and I have to step back and say, okay, let him do it, then he'll learn, because if I jump in and save him, he'll never know how to solve that on his own what's an example because I think this is good for for men to even hear too like what's an example of when it's good on both sides, but what's what's one of your examples of?

Speaker 3:

I know we about to drive off this cliff and I'm going to shut my mouth Because I think it's good to have context to it. You know we have these conversations.

Speaker 1:

OK, so I'll keep it 100. Me and my man was driving the other day to Florida. We love to play 20 questions because that's how we get to know each other, because some things you just don't reveal unless you ask this crazy question. That's how we get to know each other, because some things you just don't reveal unless you ask this crazy question. So I kept it real. You know what I'm saying, because I know how close you guys are and he knows that I have male friends as well. And I said, babe.

Speaker 1:

I said, do you think there should be boundaries when it comes to relationships and friendships outside of our relationship of the opposite sex? And he was like, what do you mean? And I said, well, I'm just saying boo, like, would there ever be a situation where you'd be like, hey, you and Marcus, that's looking a little funny. Or would I be in a situation where I'd be like, hey, dude, what's up with you and Chanel, you know? And he could not understand. And I saw, oh God, he don't get it, he don't get it. And I said, let's reel it in. I said, okay, what's your favorite color? I had to, I had to divert because he wasn't. He thought I had an issue, but I didn't. I just wanted to know his opinion because I have a gang of male friends. I'm in a male dominated business. The majority of people who call my phone in this business are dudes and I want to make sure he's secure, knowing that you understand the insecurities that come with that.

Speaker 1:

You know exactly. And then for me, I'm never that chick. You know what I'm saying. I've had, you know, men with female friends and very close I don't trip. Like I said, the only time I'm going to say something is I see some Funny business.

Speaker 3:

Exactly.

Speaker 1:

That's the only time I'm going to be like oh bro, that look crazy, crazy. Um, okay for you, for me, yeah, if I ever feel that I am dismissed and that person is put ahead of me and it's not in a dire life or death situation. Once okay, twice okay, more than that what's going on here? Because I should never be pushed aside for anybody else.

Speaker 2:

If I'm your woman, you know what I'm saying, if a woman really respects because for your relationship, like I tell him as a woman, oh, you had his back because he went as a matter of fact, he almost went off a cliff last week. Yeah, as a woman I'm like uh-uh. And you saved him.

Speaker 1:

I said you got to call her back right now Because you almost got cussed out, because you ain't going to get it.

Speaker 2:

She ain't going to answer you in another hour. You got to get her back on the phone right now Because, as a woman, I know my effects.

Speaker 1:

You knew how that looked and it's all about perception. It's all about perception. It could be nothing, it could be totally innocent. But where men sometimes get a little goofy and oblivious, see women, our heads on a swivel, brother. Especially when another woman's in our presence, around our man, it could be our best friend, our homegirls. Our heads on a swivel, that's just women. That women gut, that women tuition we don't play that Men. Y'all can be a little goofy, y'all can be a little goofy. I got a friend right now Dealing with that where he was loaning his friend money behind his wife's back and he thought it was nothing wrong with that. Did you take your money out the mutual pot to give to another woman? And he really couldn't understand how that was wrong. But you ain't telling your wife. It's the perception of how that looks.

Speaker 3:

Don't do us all like that now.

Speaker 1:

But it's the perception of how it looks.

Speaker 2:

You see my face over here every time you say something, because I don't know, he don't do that brother-sister type stuff, right, josh don't.

Speaker 3:

I'm not tripping about it either.

Speaker 2:

I'm where you at.

Speaker 1:

But it's perception you may be completely innocent in your actions, but it's the perception. But giving your homeboy's girl money, that's wild Right and he really stood ten toes down.

Speaker 2:

I ain't doing nothing wrong.

Speaker 3:

I'm just helping out a friend and if you want your friend you want your friend to be happy he's sliding me, I'm on that type of time, ain't no way you giving somebody some money behind your. Come on man.

Speaker 1:

And another woman at that. It's not your homeboy, it's another woman.

Speaker 3:

You got something going on that ain't even right. That's what.

Speaker 1:

I'm saying it's the perception.

Speaker 3:

See, see, a man gets it. It's the perception, nobody doing that. It's the perception.

Speaker 1:

You know I'm saying out of pocket bitch dog. I understand that there are different dynamics to friendships and all of that because I have friends. You know, one of my best friends is a guy. We've been friends since we had baby teeth. We've been through marriages and divorces together. We've cried on each other's shoulders, we've loaned each other money. We've been out that advice person at 3 in the morning because we're going through it. We, you've been that person talking each other off the ledge. But I also know that I set boundaries with all my male friends a long time ago. They want a man. Come up here Unless I summon for you, don't come up in here. That's women unless.

Speaker 1:

I summon for you no coming in messing with.

Speaker 2:

We talk about the boundaries real quick. I wanted to share like we can get to. Let me just just dealing with cory. Yeah, I will be yeah, because when you talk about boundaries. It's important that you do that, because we are extremely close, like brother and sister, absolutely but but and and I love him and he loved me but you understand, I would never have a conversation with you, right?

Speaker 1:

with him because his job is to control that perception in that narrative. That's his job, right we have.

Speaker 2:

We had a situation, though, where you have to set boundaries, as you know, because we, you know you close. We at josh's book signing and I go run to the bathroom because I'm washing my hands. The door is still open, so so I'm not using the restroom, I'm just washing my hands. Now, me and Corey, we're close. We're really like brother and sister. We don't share blood, but that's my family. I don't have much family here. He comes in the bathroom.

Speaker 1:

I'm like Corey why are you in the bathroom, he goofy?

Speaker 2:

You see, all them men out there, you're blocking he good.

Speaker 1:

He like what, stop, stop, stop. Which way did he go Get out my poor baby's so good? Yes, so you got it. Like, because I'd have been there, I'd have been like what you doing? Yeah, but he thinks sometimes from his heart, yes, and sometimes he don't really look at it.

Speaker 1:

That's why I think it's very important for single men to have married men friends. Yeah, I think that's so important that single men have married men friends, because a married man who is sole purpose in life is to keep peace in his house, understands the dynamics of what to do and what not to do, right, right, you know that can tick his woman off and cause a lot of discord in his home. Single men ain't going to get it. He doing what his own, he doing his own thing, whoop-de-whoop-de-whoop. But a married man like when I'm going through things in my relationships, I don't call my single friends, I call my girl and her husband, I call Sam and my married friends because I know I'm going to get how to make this relationship work. Not, girl, you can do better than him and go ahead in your body. No, I know I'm going to get people who are making a relationship work. Daily I'm getting proper advice.

Speaker 3:

So can I speak to that real?

Speaker 1:

quick Sure baby.

Speaker 3:

Because I don't disagree, I think what you're saying is definitely powerful, but I want to take it a step further, because I believe that you just have to find the mature people that are on the same wavelength, because the way I've grown up in the company that I've kept and I moved a certain way at one point in time like just because you're married don't mean nothing.

Speaker 1:

That's true, so just out of fairness.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, discernment is key, but what you're saying is absolutely powerful because you, you need those counterparts, you need that type of accountability and, and you know, people that are gonna hold you to a certain standard and make sure that you're not behaving or doing anything that's out of pocket, what y'all were talking about before. I had to sit that one out. Why you say that? Yeah, I had to sit down. Why I don't want no pause today?

Speaker 1:

No, it's a strange dynamic, you know, because I you know. I know how close you are. You know what I'm saying. I knew more about her and I'm sure she knows about me. You know that's his bestie. And if I was the kind of woman that was insecure, threatened, it might be an issue. But it might be an issue. But I'm also the kind of woman that I'm not. I'm not. I'm very secure in who I am, what I possess, what I bring to the table. You know, I fear no one. Terrence Howard told me 25 years ago you fear nothing, keep that. And I do. But I'm also the kind of woman, too, that I'm very big on respect. I'm very big on respect and I'm also the kind of woman that I'm gonna tell you once, maybe twice, that something bothers me. If I gotta go a third time, that third time is gonna be a block. That third time is gonna be you ain't gonna be able to reach me because life is too short. You get what I'm saying.

Speaker 3:

You're just choosing not to that's why these conversations are so needed you gotta have the ogs on deck you gotta respectfully because you're, you know, just us having these types of mature conversations. Even for our age group or anybody younger, it's just important to hear, because when you start removing these things, you start talking about healthier relationships and healthier dynamics but then, look, you have this situation where you meet someone new and you guys have dated before.

Speaker 1:

Yeah this is not in our first school and you'll meet someone who they've been friends.

Speaker 2:

a female male dynamic, and these women come across as being territorial.

Speaker 1:

Oh, yes, disrespectful, I've seen them, yes.

Speaker 2:

Me because I want the best for my friend. That's why I make it a point to come and meet you myself and let you know. Are you thinking of people?

Speaker 1:

I'm 100. That's because I know for me I'm the only me and my friend Nikki are the only single ones in our entire crew. Everybody else is married. We were there a lot of when they met their husbands and their husbands now have become like our brothers. But I got boys who have gotten married and I went out of my way to make sure that that woman knew that I understood my position. I love your husband like a brother. He's been there for me through thick and thin. I could call him for anything. But I also know now you are the queen, absolutely so I don't even call them directly if I need them.

Speaker 1:

A lot of times I will call her or text her and say, hey girl, is Rico around? I need to ask him something out of respect. But I'm not. I understand the boundary here. You're the queen. You know I was his, I'm his sister, right, but you're the queen. I'm not going to have you ever thinking for a hot second, that's right, that I would be shady or sneaky or, you know, manipulate him or do anything. No, right, you know it's so. It's so crazy that I've been in my friends' homes. They are still at work. I'm in the house with their husbands because they know I don't play that game. I don't play that, that's right. And I don't trust no woman that comes around me and claims she's friends with my man. But you don't try to get to know me. Help her with your angle, absolutely. You better get to know me.

Speaker 3:

Hey man, free game Boy.

Speaker 2:

I need more relationships matter you feel welcome back to relationships matter. So, josh, what is this? This question about trust?

Speaker 3:

yeah, I mean, I just overall wanted to know what does that look like for you, given your background, given the industry you work in? Now you're in the place that you're in with, you know, with your relationship and stuff like is that easy, because you've already been burned once?

Speaker 1:

I've been burned many times or many times and not in the literal sense, but I was.

Speaker 3:

He was thinking I'm walking around here dirty so I was, I was saying from when I said that once, basically because you took that to you know the next level like being married, you had a child. So I'm just saying, like, how does that look for you in order to trust at this stage of your life?

Speaker 1:

Honestly. You know God bless my great aunt, my aunt Florine. She was just a wealth of wisdom. You know, god bless my great aunt, my aunt Florine. She was just a wealth of wisdom. And I remember she telling me baby, you give a man all the trust in the world out the gate. It's up to him if he keeps it. Listen to your gut. You know when a man don't come in.

Speaker 1:

You got to ask my trust because it's hard to earn Thank you. It's hard to earn thank you. It's hard to earn trust. You know you've got to come in and say I am trusting you to be the man you say you are, the woman you say you are, I am trusting you.

Speaker 2:

It's up to you well, how do you tie that in with expectations, though? Because then they say what expectations? So you know you have certain expectations of anybody that you engage in in terms of relationships why, like, if you say you're gonna call me back, call, call me back.

Speaker 1:

Well, yeah, but see, that's something you established very much in the beginning. Right, you've got to let a man show you who he is. You can't come in. I'm going to tell you, the worst thing you can do is give a man your playbook.

Speaker 3:

I heard somebody say mm-hmm in the room.

Speaker 1:

Thing you can do is give a man your playbook, because that's how he can play you. You walk in saying I want this, I expect this, and you're going to do this. You're giving him a playbook. No, you sit back and see what he does.

Speaker 2:

How he moves In terms of expectations. I have learned, when I come in expecting all this, that I get disappointed.

Speaker 1:

Expecting. What Is he showing you? He does that, does he do that out the gate, like just are you coming in expecting it without telling him or you're just assuming he's going to know?

Speaker 1:

I don't tell him anything but when you assume he's going to know, I expect a certain level of respect. But you got to take respect and expectations. That's. That's contradictory, because if you're coming in expecting him to do all these things and he don't know you from a can of paint, you don't know where he come from. I'll give you a prime example.

Speaker 1:

First time Corey and I dated, he had no idea he was supposed to open my doors. Walk on the right side of the street when a car slams on brakes, throw your hand up. Baby, even though you may not keep me from going through that windshield, it's the gesture. When you walk with me, walk ahead of me without behind you. He didn't know these things because no one had taught him this, and it bothered me because I had a father that was on a walker and was still opening my mother's doors.

Speaker 1:

I remember my dad come snatching me off a date as I'm walking out, and the man got in the car and didn't open my door. My father flew out that house and said bring your ass in the house. You ain't going nowhere. And, young man, until you learn my daughter, don't touch no doors, don't come back here. That's how I grew up, so I had to. At first I got mad Like he don't respect me, he don't respect me. And then it's like he don't know no better. And then you know, when he's like, well, I ain't never had a woman demand that, I said, oh honey then this is a new breed over here, honey, because I don't know who the hell you dated before, but over him, over him.

Speaker 1:

And now. I don't touch no doves, because he had to learn. He had to learn and you have to realize that jonas suma man knows your love language. He knows your respect boundaries. You've got to let him show you who he is and then, if you have to redirect, teach like I always. Baby, I'm not trying to change you, I'm just trying to teach you how to love me. I put it back on me. I'm teaching you how to love me, that's it. I'm not trying to change you, baby, I'm just teaching you how to love me, and that makes it so much easier for them to conform. But you can't expect a man to do everything inside your head. These men are built different, honey. You've got to train some of these Negroes and you've got to be willing to if he's worth it.

Speaker 3:

I think the teaching to that point that you're making somebody giggling. You said what Somebody giggling, I said, but I think it's fair, we're going to pass the plate later. That plate. That ain't been in motion. But I think what's good and I feel like to touch on this because I don't want to lose what you're saying is so powerful is the fact that, even in relationships, both sides are going to be taught. There's going to be learning throughout the entire, however long y'all.

Speaker 1:

Unless you're going to stay the exact same person for the rest of your life.

Speaker 3:

We change daily, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

How do you?

Speaker 2:

answer that into a conversation though.

Speaker 1:

What's that?

Speaker 2:

Like the door opening, for instance. That's just a simple.

Speaker 1:

If he doesn't do it, you just say, baby, I know you may not realize this about me, but you know I'm kind of a girl. Could you open my doors for me? It just makes me feel special too. That ain't the man for you. I got thugs who, straight drug dealers, opened my door. That ain't had no home training. It's how you say it. I mean, it's the age old cliche. It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

Speaker 1:

And you have to learn your man's love language. You have to get to know him. You can't come in with all these expectations because you're going to be disappointed. End of discussion. This man is a piece of clay. When he comes to you, there's something about him that's attracted to you is the color, the shape, what you can do with it. And then you have to understand. You've got to mold him, baby. You can't expect him to know. He can't read your mind, he can't know what you expect or want. But you have to teach him if he's worth it. You know, if you use your gut and you use your women's intuition, if this man is someone that's teachable, learnable that he wants to prove to you that I can be everything you need me to be baby, or he's that butthole that just is in here for a purpose that don't serve you, you'll know. But you can't come in because you're going to get disappointed With expectations you're going to get. Let him show you who he is let him show you who he is.

Speaker 2:

You put a time frame on it. Yes, see, that's the thing, the expectations and the the trust, because a lot I mean for me. These are certain things that you expect automatically because this is what you're accustomed to. And then just the idea, especially when you get older, you're like you don't know how to do. You don't know how to do that, so then automatically it's how you say it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's like you interpret it as disrespect, but they really don't know. So then that puts a different spin on it, because in my mind I just lower what I would say expectations in terms of what to expect, and then then I just you have to understand your deal breaker chanel.

Speaker 1:

What are your deal breakers? Was it a deal breaker that my man didn't open my door, kind of well, but then I was like well, now I'm being petty okay you know, okay.

Speaker 1:

Well, because, because I know me, I'm so used to be by myself, I'm reaching for the door. I have to literally catch myself sometimes when I'm out with court because I'll reach the door and he'll go. I'm like my bad, my bad, my bad, you know I'm saying. But you know, I like a man that takes control and reminds me of the demand I gave him yes, check me, baby. But no, but it's how you do it, just like I had an instance.

Speaker 1:

One time I was with a guy and we had a flat tire. We were in Maryland and I know how to change a tire. My daddy taught me how to change a tire when I was 11. Okay, and he said, oh, shoot, I feel embarrassed. He was embarrassed because he did not know how to change, because I said, well, baby, you got to spare. You know whatever. He said, I don't know how to. I said, oh, you don't know. I said, baby, you know I got AAA, baby. I did that to protect his pride when I could have easily gotten out and changed that dang tire or walked him through it. But I had to learn that because the old me was like you can't change, I got this Now I done. Made this man's pride, just shrink His ego, just shrink.

Speaker 3:

But even if you were to walk him through it, it's still powerful that for one you recognized it, but for two again to your point how you went about doing it, it's how you do it.

Speaker 1:

You got to stand. These men's egos are fragile. They're black men. They're out there in these streets being belittled and beaten down every day, and beaten down every day. When they come home they need to feel like a king. Now don't get me wrong. Everybody don't deserve their king treatment. And that's where your women's intuition and your gut instinct and your pure common sense and self-worth come into play. You know when a man is just falling short because he's beaten up and he needs you to comfort him. And you know when a dude is just a butthole and doesn't know how to treat you right. You know and you gotta trust that.

Speaker 1:

And I think that was the hardest thing for me, because I am a nurturer and maternal by nature. I realized I have babied and mothered a lot of men. Yeah, I want to coddle you, my poor baby, would you? Would you? Would you? And I realized that handicapped them, but it also made them lose respect for me because they were like, well, shoot, I can do anything and she gonna kiss my boo-boo. You gotta draw that boundary of I'm your woman and I'm gonna lift you up and breathe life into you and make you feel like a king, but you gotta act like one first boo-boo, Real talk. I ain't treating you like no king. You acting like a pauper.

Speaker 3:

That's so good. So much jewelry, the collection plate, as we talked about, I feel like we done built a whole nother church. We got some snickers, some girl. We had all kind of commentary in this room today.

Speaker 1:

Get it live girl, my girls, be calling me.

Speaker 3:

I want to make sure for me, because obviously y'all know each other.

Speaker 1:

I'll give you my number sugar, Just call me.

Speaker 3:

I want to be able to take time to, because of everything that you do just pour into you. I do think that it's been a beautiful conversation. I don't have no skin in the game, Obviously. I'm just meeting you and having this lovely conversation, but you have a brother in me.

Speaker 3:

Just want to extend my love for you and appreciation for you as a solid woman and your story and all that you've overcome and the game that you've been able to give, and I'm glad that you know Chanel has you as a as a friend too, and I think it's, you know, beautiful with your relationship. Now, salute toute to my brother, and I just think it's beautiful because a lot of the things that you said, you know, are so needed and it's sometimes the conversations people don't want to touch them because they're hard, and the fact that you have the way that you view it and how you can articulate that was very, very refreshing for me. You know what I mean and this is.

Speaker 3:

This was a really amazing conversation and enjoyed it from the time you cut it on to the breaks and everything else, but I just you know, I think we don't, we don't hear that enough. You know what I mean and, like I said, it's important because I don't know you, but I see you. Thank you so.

Speaker 1:

I want to make sure that you know that.

Speaker 3:

You know what I'm saying. So I'm going to do my part. You know what I mean and telling you that and you know, thank, thank, whoever made this happen. You know Chanel as well, but I'm always blessed to be in the room and to have this type of dialogue. So, thank you, queen, thank you, brother, have this type of dialogue. So thank you, queen, thank you, brother. I don't know if you got anything, but thank you, brother. We're going to close this thing man, relationships matter.